


Love Potion No.5

by Snakeofthe80s



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Blow Jobs, Cunnilingus, Eventual Romance, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Hogwarts Seventh Year, Lily Evans Potter & Severus Snape Friendship, Loss, Loss of Virginity, Love Potion/Spell, Lust Potion/Spell, Nipple Play, One Night Stands, Oral Sex, Potions, Potions Accident, Sexual Tension, Vaginal Sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-25
Updated: 2020-05-19
Packaged: 2021-02-27 23:41:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 75,817
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22894234
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Snakeofthe80s/pseuds/Snakeofthe80s
Summary: Peter decides follow through on a joke by Sirius to get their pal, James and his fancy Lily to bed together. Two unforeseen mistakes ruin his plans and change lives forever.
Relationships: Lily Evans Potter/Severus Snape
Comments: 284
Kudos: 229





	1. Obsession

**Author's Note:**

> I originally posted this on FF, but I wanted to do a sexually explicit version that had to be toned down at FF. I also changed how I wanted the story played out from the original.

"Sneak a lust potion into her butterbeer at the Slug Club meeting." Sirius winked at his friends. "Then she'll be yours all night, James." 

James and Sirius laughed, but Peter just raised an eyebrow. "You actually want to give her a potion so you can fuck her?" 

"It would work." Sirius nudged Peter. "Thinking of trying it out on someone, Wormtail?" 

Peter shook his head. "No." 

James got up to leave for the bathroom. 

"Should try it on James and Lily. He's dying to get her into bed." Sirius teased. "If it works, then you can test it out next." Though Sirius nudged him and laughed, Peter did not.

**0o0o0**

Peter Pettigrew took a potion from a cabinet. "That looks nice. It's perfect. Knew it would be." He eagerly searched for another potion and held it and smirked. “Yes, perfect. Black's idea will work out well.” 

Peter took out two butterbeers and poured in one of the potions as he laughed to himself. He then poured a second potion in them. As he scurried to the Slug Club room, he chuckled to himself. Once he was in the room, he tiptoed over to the group of butterbeers that were awaiting the Slug Club members when they had their meeting in the morning. He removed the bottle with Lily's name and her name tag and placed it on the laced butterbeer and then he did the same with James’s bottle and tag. As Peter put James's name on his bottle, he heard footsteps outside. He snickered to himself and scuttled away from the room. 

The following morning, Slughorn came in the room and as he sat down, he knocked a few bottles over, and their name tags off them. He picked them up and randomly put names back, assuming it did not matter anyway. He only put names on them to make sure everyone got one. As he put a name on the last bottle that had fallen over, his club members entered.  
Peter waited outside of the doorway for Slughorn to hand out the beers for his club. James kept looking over at Lily. Peter hoped James and Lily would soon be infatuated with one another and they would end up in bed. James wanted her. He deserved her. They deserved each other. They were stag and doe. They were perfect for each other and he just wanted to help them get together finally. 

"Okay, Ms. Evans, why don't you help hand out my drinks?"

Lily heard her name and got up to help her professor hand out the drinks.

"One more person." Slughorn looked around the room. "How about um, Mr. Snape? Help out with the drinks."

Severus looked up. Great. He thought. He set his book down. "Fine." He got up and went to the front of the room. Lily and Severus ignored each other and took a handful of drinks and began to hand them out.

Lily put the one with James's name in front of him. He smiled at her. She gave him a small smile back and handed a Ravenclaw next to him his drink. Lily moved to the other side and handed some of the Slytherins their bottles.

"I don't want this, the mudblood touched it."

Lily saw Severus look up when the word was mentioned, but he turned away and handed someone a bottle. She ignored the word as well and handed the boys their bottles. She set Severus's bottle on his desk and moved on without glancing at him. Severus handed a Hufflepuff her bottle and as he turned around, James took his foot and nearly tripped Severus.

"Quite clumsy, aren't you, Snivellus." James snapped quietly. "Watch your step. Wouldn't want anyone to slip on the grease you'd leave when you hit the ground."

Severus gave James a murderous glare. "You watch it, Potter. You'll pay one day." He hissed quietly.

Severus turned and set a bottle at Lily's place as a couple people sniggered at his near fall. Lily sat back down, and Severus did not see her smile. He guessed Lily must have missed the incident or he was certain she would be laughing too. Severus moved back to his seat beside a girl from Hufflepuff who was talking to another girl in Ravenclaw.

"Bottoms up." Slughorn said and sat back down. Everyone moved around the room to get refreshments.

Lily started to drink her bottle and noticed something odd. It tasted fine, but it smelled different. It smelled like peppermint and morning dew on the grass and the riverbank back home. It made her a little homesick. She smelled a boiling cauldron and some scent she could not put her finger on. Oddly enough, she could smell the Hogwarts Library with its slight potpourri and ink aroma. It smelled like someone familiar, but she could not place a finger on that either.

Severus took his bottle and took a sip and noticed it was odd smelling. It smelled like cinnamon, the dew that came from the morning grass, the riverbank back home and it had a flowery smell to it. There was a strange smell in it he could not explain, but sensing it made him crazy. He could sense the smell of the school's library as well. The potpourri and ink that comforted him. He sighed. It smelled like Lily. He really was losing it. They were not friends anymore. Any day now she would agree to date James and they would be together. He hoped secretly that when he became a Death Eater, she would see how good it was and how he would protect her and she would see how powerful and strong he could be. He was not just some poor, greasy-haired git who was constantly bullied and studied all the time. He could be strong and manly. He could be better than James. It was all a dream though. He had a snowballs chance in hell of being with her. She would not want him when she had someone has perfect and wonderful as James Potter fancying her? Why would she pick him over someone as rich, handsome, smart, athletic and popular as Potter?

He took another few sips and an odd sensation burning through his body. Part of him began to panic. It tasted fine, but maybe it was poisoned? No, that couldn't be it. He would not feel so well if he had and he the sensation was oddly wonderful. His heart began to pound and his body pulsated strangely.

"Everyone off to the carriages if you are leaving! Have a good holiday!" Slughorn called out.

An old sensation raced and burned through her body. Was her drink poisoned? No, that could not be it when she the sensation was so oddly wonderful. Her heart began pounding in her chest. Her body pulsated bizarrely. What was wrong with her? She looked around the room, desperate to find someone, some person. Her eye caught Severus and her body throbbed with infatuation. She needed him. It was him she loved; she knew it.

A powerful throbbing sensation raced through his body. He caught Lily's glaring eyes and though she always made his heart skip a beat, it was ready to burst out of his chest. He tried to calm himself, control himself, but something was off. He had to have her. He had to talk to her. He loved her so deeply. They exited the room and Severus desired to catch her. To his surprise, she was waiting for him in the hallway.

0o0o0o

Lily grabbed Severus by his robes, which startled him, and pulled him into an empty hallway. "I think I'm love with you." Her heart raced so fast she thought it would explode.

"I always loved you, but I am madly so right now. I want to hold you and never let you go, ever."

"Then don't."

She pulled him into a closet and kissed his lips. Hot damn! Severus thought. He had never kissed anyone before and they both giggled in nervousness as they practiced. He just wanted to grab her and never let her go. She felt the same. They had no idea what was going on at all. All they knew was they were in love somehow. After ten minutes, they forced themselves to stop touching and kissing each other.

"I am going to be late." Lily said.

"For what? Are you leaving? Please don't love, I mean, leave, leave me here alone. I need you."

"No. I'm head girl, I must stay here at school. I must leave soon though. I have to go do my round." She kissed him again. "But I dont want to leave. I love you too much."

They gave each other one last, long kiss before prying themselves apart unhappily.

Lily could only think of Severus the rest of the day. She could hardly eat lunch. She doodled on her parchment and wrote out her obsessed love for him.

Severus only thought of Lily and could not concentrate on his book. He though be was going to go crazy without her. He needed her and he had no idea why.

"Are you okay?" Avery asked Severus at the same time Remus asked Lily in their common rooms.

"Wonderful." They both replied in their obsessed thoughts of the other.

Lily sighed to herself.

"Are you in love?" Remus asked.

"Yes. I am in love with him. I need him."

"You need him?"

"Yes. I can't stand it."

"Have you lost your mind?"

"Maybe. Love makes you crazy, I guess." She sighed and her heart fluttered. "I can't do any work. I need to find him. Yes, I must see him." She got up and left the tower, desperate for Severus.

Severus looked at Avery, who was looking at him as if he had lost his marbles. "What's the matter, Snape? You act like you are in love?"

"I think I love her. Yes, I do love her. I need her."

"Please. You don't love her. It's just your hormones. Just go shag her. You'll feel better afterwards. If you can't, just take care of it yourself. I'll lend you my Witch's House magazine if you want."

Severus looked at Avery confused and bit back the lashing words that he currently thought. He did not care about Avery. He did love Lily. He loved her to bits. He had to have her, had to love her all he could. He would burst if he did not get to love her more. He left the bowels of the castle to search for Lily.

Finally, that evening before dinner, Severus snagged Lily in the hallway and into an empty classroom, kissing her with fervour. She gave equal fervour back. Severus grabbed her buttocks hard, pulled her close to him and he never wanted to remove his hands from her again. He never knew he could have such bravado. She did not do anything and he in turn found his buttocks being grabbed. Lily wondered if she was going mad. Why did she love him so much? She had no idea, but she did and that was all she knew.

Severus and Lily ended up making out until dinner. After dinner, they meet privately in the courtyard and it seemed all hell broke loss between them after one simple kiss on the lips. They lost control, completely infatuated with the other. Severus grabbed her robes at the shoulder blades, and she moaned as they kissed. Lily gripped his robes at the back and moved as close to him as she could. She wanted him so bad and she had no clue what suddenly brought that on. She groped him and he moaned and clutched her breasts. Lily moaned and pulled him to her until she was pressed against him. His hands grabbed her by her haunches through her robes. They were losing all self-control and were happy about it.

"Let's go to the tower. The others are all home. We'd be alone."

"Yes, please."

"Race you." Lily said, not losing her playful self even with the haze of the fanatic love that clouded her thoughts. They entered the common room. It was empty. She took him up to the dorm and shut the door.

"I thought you couldn't have boys in your dorm?"

"If I invite them in personally, then yes they can. Boys can't enter the room on their own. Old-fashioned, yes, but honestly, probably safer. I invited you, brought you here so you can be in my dorm."

He pulled her to the wall, and they made out. She started to lift his robes. His body throbbed with desire for her. They pulled off each other’s robes and got into her bed. They were both uneasy as they laid there in their undergarments, but the haze of the infatuation seemed to help them loosen up quickly. They wanted each other too much to let nerves stop them.


	2. Passion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The effects of the potion manifest themselves into a wild evening for Severus and Lily. A night they will surely never forget.

Severus’s heart was about to burst out of his chest. His entire pelvis became as intense as his heartbeat, his penis bulging in his pants with a heavy erection trying to burst though. He pressed his pelvis against hers. She moaned with pleasure. 

Lily’s pelvis throbbed down into her genitals and made her want either him or her to touch her vulva and release the ever growing tension within them. "Make love to me, Sev. Please, just make love to me."

He moaned as she thrust herself against him, causing his pelvis to pulsate and ache miserably. The sexual desire raging inside of him was nothing like he had ever felt before and never so intense and never so strong. He had thought about Lily sexually at times, but it was not that strong, nothing at all like this. "I need to love you. Let me make love to you, Lily. Make love to me. Please."

"I will. I will. Just love me back with all you've got." He reached around her arms and put his face into her breasts as he unsnapped her bra. She wriggled out of it and threw it over him and onto the floor. 

Damn, was all he could think at that moment. He squeezed her breast and put his mouth over it. As he sucked on her nipple, she wrapped her leg around him, pressing her pelvis hard against him, desperate for him to stop her desire once and for all. He moaned longingly as her nipple grew hard and larger. Severus slowly caressed his hand down her side over to her stomach and reached down and clasped her entire vulva over her knickers. She pressed it into his hand as he held her and the intensity between them was headed for a peak. He nearly gasped and hoped his wildly pulsating penis, that was desperate to be freed from his underwear, would last. “Damn,” he said aloud. 

Lily’s hands reached down his stomach and she began to pull his underwear down. He followed suit and pulled hers off her. She threw her leg over him with him under her. His penis stood straight up, and Lily blushed a little before she wiped the tip of his head of the precum that emerged. As she straddled his pelvis, his penis rubbed through her labia lips over and over and once she was damp, she took his penis and put the tip to her vagina. He did not hesitate to get inside her either, the desires so intense he thought he might be going insane.

"Ow." She cried and winced in pain.

"What's wrong?" He asked, looking at her.

"Nothing, it just hurts."

He removed himself with a painful cringe, having not had a chance to release any tension. She was bleeding a little. “I’m sorry-I” 

"I'm okay. Just give it a minute. It's my first time."

"Mine too." He admitted. He groped her bosom as he tried to control his throbbing pelvis while he waited for her to feel ready to continue. He wanted to complete this and release the building tension in his body.

"Then we'll figure it out together." She sighed and readjusted her position back to him. He slowly pushed his penis into her vagina this time until it was most of the way inside of her. The throbbing was so intense and she grinded into his pelvis over and over. He tried to not release just yet, but it was getting harder and harder with every grind against each other. Severus watched as the lips of her genitalia pressed back and forth against his penis. Oh fuck. He knew he couldn’t hold it much longer. A sudden feeling of euphoria hit him, and his eyes rolled back with a heavy gasp, his mouth gaped. He came into her strongly, jerking his pelvis as it all released into her. 

“Oh god, jeez, fucking bloody hell,” he quietly called out as it all came loose. “Damn.”

Lily was breathing hard and panting a little. She pressed her hands against his shoulders, moaning with satisfaction. Her head was like a whirlwind, swirling between a crazed obsession for him and a sick to her stomach love that had her over the moon and soaring through the stars of her confused mind, back to the man in front of her. It had to be the strangest feeling she had ever experienced, yet it was a euphoric feeling at the same time. She pressed harder into him. He pushed his own pelvis hard back into her, and it was like she was floating. No one else but him mattered right now. She was in an ecstasy she never had been in before. Never had she been so happy.

"Are you okay?" He asked, still a bit concerned about her since he had made her bleed before.

"Amazing." She said with a satisfied moan. "Keep going. Harder. Hard as you can."

He did and she groaned. "Oh yes, yes, right there. Oh, god, oh, I love you so much." She bucked her own hips into him over and over, desperate to get all she could from him in her own obsession. It was as if nothing was enough, that she could not get enough from him and that maybe she was not doing enough to keep him pleased. She had to keep him and for some reason that she could not normally fathom, she knew this would do it. It was not like her. She never would have considered sleeping with some guy to keep them around, but her fixation changed that idea. 

He moaned with pleasure as she bucked him. "Um, Lily. Lily. Please don't stop." He held onto her shoulders. "God, I love you. How I love thee. Let me count the ways."

Lily laughed at his teasing. "This way works just fine, Sev. It's enough. I want to love you like this forever."

"Then we can stay like this forever if you want." They rolled over until he was on top of her. Severus drew hard into her, pressing his pelvis down onto hers, wanting all he could get and wanting to please her in his actions. His crazy, obsessed love for her made him feel like he had lost all control and he felt desperate to please her, to keep her with him and felt this would do it and prove he could make her happy. He was so infatuated with her at that moment he might just be going insane. He loved her in a way that confused him, yet, he knew he loved her with his true heart, his real soul. He always had. His mind was like a bewildered whirlwind now. His stomach grew with love. He was soaring through the stars with her and no one else mattered anyway, just her. Something about this with her made him feel alive. He never knew how much different he could feel as a result of doing this with Lily.

He reached down and ran his fingers into her vulva and began to rub it back and forth from her vagina to her clitoris head. Whenever he was near the top, she pushed her pelvis into his fingers. He began to rub around the top and his fingers grew wet as her vulva dampened with his touch. 

“Stay there, up and down in the middle there. That feels the best.” 

He listened to her and decided to solely rub her clitoris. She buckled into his touch with a moan. He fingers grew more and more damp which made it easier to glide his finger over and over clitoris. He rubbed and rubbed, and she gasped and clinched. “Oh god.” He didn’t stop rubbing, only getting more intense. Finally, he heard her gasp and her mouth gaped as she arched forward. A clear stream of liquid exited her vulva suddenly and he moaned heavily with her eyes rolled upwards, “oh my god, oh god,” she pressed hard into his hands with a grind. He kept massaging her and watched her arch her back and let out a squeal pressing harder into his hand rubbing his fingers back against his hand. Her legs bent up, “Don’t stop, don’t stop, please.” He watched her toes curl in, and she cried out, “Oh my god, oh god, oh god, oh damn,” Finally she released. “Oh fuck, that was-oh my god.” 

They chuckled. He could keep doing that to her if he could keep seeing her that happy. Before he could think of his next move, she had kneeled over his pelvis and began to stroke his penis. His minor erection grew intensely at her touch. Up and down she stroked and stroked. Precum began to emerge from the head of the penis and she leaned forward and put her mouth over the tip and began to wildly suck. He moaned as she sucked and stroked. He pointed under the tip, “Right there, that’s where it’s the most intense.” She hugged his penis there and stroked heavily. He cringed as it began to throb, “Hmm, Lily, I think I’m going to come.” She took his penis from her mouth and leaned his penis back a little as she vigorously stroked him. He could not last any longer and he came, the semen bursting out. She used her wand to clean it up. 

Next thing she knew he had his mouth on her vulva and was sucking fervently. His tongue ran against her clitoris over and over as he sucked her hard. Her entire vulva quickly grew damp and she moaned as his tongue stroked her clitoris over and over. It was not long before she found herself arching forward as a gush of liquid exited from her and she gasped with a long, intense moan pushing herself into his suck. “Oh damn, Sev. Never stop touching me” 

Another hour passed before they grew weary and needed a break. As they rested spooning each other, Lily’s lower lip trembled because she wished they could be like this forever. She was so happy in this state of mind. Everything was right in the world at this moment. She swallowed back the tears that threatened to fall and the large lump that caught her voice. Instead of voicing her pleasure to him, she burst into tears.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing. This is just so great, I just, I know that, I know that we can't stay like this forever."

He took his thumbs and gently swept them across her cheeks to wipe away her tears, "We can stay like this for a long while. We are alone for the break."

Lily laughed and sniffed. She gave him a nod. "Yes, we are fine for now. I just, I don't want this moment to end."

"Me either."

"We'll just have to make it good so it will carry on. The memory of this night. Our first night."

Severus took his hand and ran it through her hair, stroking it lovingly. She smiled as he did this and looked deep into his obsidian eyes and suddenly a strange feeling in the pit of her stomach emerged, the feeling of butterflies fluttering around that were suddenly released from a cage. Severus felt it too as he looked deep into her emerald eyes, but part of him always has that sick, butterfly feeling in the pit of his stomach when he was around her. Lily took her hand and ran it through his black hair. To her surprise, it was smooth and did not make her hand feel greasy at all. Everything about what they were doing seemed right. Everything. She let out a contented sigh. For that one strange moment, it was as if the obsession was gone and had been replaced with something else genuine that neither would understand until later. The obsession came right back as soon as they tore their gazes away from each other. They laid beside each other on the bed, not wanting to leave the other's side. Neither said much because there was nothing to really say at that time and they were exhausted.

"Night, Lily. I love you." He said, his heart still racing.

"Night, Sev, my love." She said, still feeling a weird obsession for him, yet as she said those last three words, she did not feel such an obsession. It was as if she meant them. At that moment, she certainly meant every word that came out whether it was true or not.

Lily curled up against him, her buttocks at his abdomen. Severus curled up to her and put his arm over her as she wrapped the covers tight around them. Life was beautiful for that brief instant.


	3. Hangover

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As the potions wear off, Severus and Lily realize what they have done and what the future may hold for them.

The sun pierced Lily’s eyes as she started to wake up and groaned as she shielded her eyes. Her head throbbed as if it was in a vice. She tried to remember what happened last night. At the current moment her mind was a giant blur. She only remembered drinking one butterbeer. There was no way she was hung over. Lily recalled the butterbeer smelling a little off now. It had smelled like, like...She bolted up as the realization hit her.  
"Amortencia!" She gasped. "Oh my god! Was there was love potion in it!"  
Coldness pierced her body as the covers slid off her and she looked down. To her shock she was naked. Why am I naked? Did I take something with it and lose my mind for a moment? Lily looked over and saw a head of black hair. Someone was in her bed; some young man was asleep beside her in her bed. She gasped and took a few deep breaths as panic hit her in the gut. It looked like,  
"Oh no, no, no, it was not him. Not him. Please don't be Severus." She thought audibly. She leaned over and looked at the young man's face and gasped in dismay. It was indeed Severus. Had he given her a love potion? For some reason she doubted that. He was not the type to be so dishonest and he considered love potion dishonest and stupid. She knew that. He had told her that much and was quite serious. Besides, she and Severus were not even currently speaking. She almost laughed to herself at the thought that Severus interested in her that way. How absurd! "Of course," she thought, "if he was in bed with me and he did not give me the potion, then that meant that someone had given him the potion too. He wouldn't have come in here otherwise. He hated the other Gryffindors. Why else would he even consider going to bed with a mudblood these days?"  
She panicked. He was sound asleep in her bed, beside her. If she was stark naked, he probably was too. She lifted the sheets and quilt and peeked under them. She saw his bare back and her eyes landed on his buttocks. He was naked too. "Oh shit." He had a nice bottom. "No, stop, don't think about that." This whole situation freaked her out. The idea that they would have-"Oh, dear god, no." No. She had. She had slept with him. They had slept together. They must have. If it was a love potion, it had caused them to do the most intimate thing possible. The memories of the day before came flooding into her mind, cascading with horror at what she had done. They had made love and they had done it more than once. They had done it for hours.  
"Dammit, I had a roll in the hay with Severus for several hours and worst of all, I really liked it." She thought to herself. "No, I didn't just like it, I loved it. It was amazing. We enjoyed it, every minute of it and every inch of the other. I touched him, all over. I let him touch me, everywhere. Oh, dear god, I did it all with him. Dammit! Dammit! Dammit!"  
Severus stirred and she covered herself quickly as he began to arouse next to her. Of course, she had no idea why she even bothered to cover herself. She had nothing to hide. "It's not like he hasn't seen me in the buff before" she thought to herself and cringed in surprise at the reality of their situation. She did not understand how any of this had happened. What she did know was that they were in deep sludge as a result of this night together. After a night like that, there was no way she could forget it. They had bonded so intimately; there was a deep attachment to him instead of her she certainly did not feel at the same time the day before.  
"What have I done?" She asked very quietly to herself.  
Lily trembled in a panic. She took a couple deep breaths to try and calm herself down. She did not know what had happened. She did not know how a possible love potion, if that’s what it was, could get someone into bed with someone else like this.  
Nervously, she watched Severus begin to arouse next to her.  
Severus opened his eyes. This was not his dorm. Where was he? He grabbed his head and moaned. His head seemed like it was in a vice. He did not remember getting drunk or anything the night before. It didn’t feel like a hangover. What had happened to him? "My head." He mumbled with a groan.  
"Yours too?"  
Severus jumped at the sound of the familiar voice. "What the hell? Where am I? Who is talking to me? Is that Lily? No, it can’t be-impossible" He wondered and glanced over to see Lily. She was beside him in bed, covering herself. He sat up and noticed he did not have anything on. "If I am unclothed and she is apparently unclothed, then... Oh shit! Did I sleep with her? No, that was not possible. She would not have done that with me. She doesn't like me. We aren't friends anymore." As he thought this, the memories of yesterday and last night came rushing into his mind. He gasped in shock.  
"Oh damn!" He had slept with her. What were they thinking? "Dammit!"  
"You drank a butterbeer yesterday. Did it smell," She paused. "off to you?"  
"Yes. It smelled amazing. It smelled like you." He blushed. "I thought I was crazy. I, never mind."  
"Oh, my, god." She swallowed. "It smelled like you. My drink, it smelled like you. It smelled like home and you." Her cheeks blushed.  
"But that sounds like-almost like amortencia" He twisted his lips in confusion and ran his hand across his brow.  
"I think it was love potion. I'm sure of it."  
"It smells like what attracts us." He blushed again. "We both drank it, but who would put it in our bottles. Why would you?”  
She shook her head, “I didn’t. Did you?”  
He scoffed, “Hell no. Love potions are stupid. They just cause unrequited infatuation. What good is that?”  
"I don't know." She paused to think. It was not Severus who had laced her drink the day before. His had been laced too apparently.  
"I didn't do it.”  
Lily nodded. "I believe you. I don't think you did, but someone did." She took a deep breath. "It makes any sense. Who would have done that? Who would have wanted us obsessed with each other? I mean, most people I know would want me to end up with James. I can't think of anyone though who would have used a love potion on me and you."  
Severus held the covers to his chest as he laid there. "No, it doesn't make any sense."  
"What doesn't?" She asked, her mind swirling with confusion about all this.  
"Amortencia-it causes obsession, but not sexual desire, just desire. It does not make people want sex. I mean, people can and do sleep together under it, but it does not elicit desire. And certainly not as strong as what I felt last night."  
Lily rubbed her temple, her hand still trembling. "What are you saying?"  
"I'm saying that the potion we were given was not amortencia. At least not normal love potion."  
"It had to be some sort of love potion."  
Severus turned to her suddenly. "How strong of a desire did you feel for me yesterday? I mean, sexually."  
Lily blushed. "Why?"  
"I need to know."  
"Fine." She huffed. "Very strong."  
"Never as strong before?"  
"No."  
Severus pondered this uneasily. "Lily? I think we were given a different love potion."  
"What potion?"  
"I think we were given a lust potion.”  
Lily looked at him from under her hand. "Lust potion?”  
“Yes, people give love and lust potions together sometimes. What else could have such intense, um, sexual desire?” The heat rose in his face.  
Lily put her hands down. "I gave you that bottle. You gave me mine. But wait, I did not feel that way about you yesterday so how could it do that if we aren't even together. I mean, aren’t most lust potions supposed to be given between couples-"  
"Well, there is the one lust potion, the common one, Love Potion No. 5.”  
Lily panicked. "Sev, isn’t that a relatively untested potion-"  
"Don't worry, nothing harmful is in it, nothing dangerous or fatal."  
"How do you know for sure?"  
"I don't, but it might be from the sounds of it.”  
"But how did our drinks get mixed that way? Who would have wanted us together like that? I didn't do it and you didn't do it, but someone did it."  
"I think it was a mistake. No one wants us together. Someone probably wanted to be with you or wanted someone to be with you."  
Lily huffed in frustration as she laid her head on her pillow. "Most people like James and I together, but-"  
Severus frowned as he pondered who did this to them. "Could Potter have meant the potions for you and him, but somehow I got his potion laced drink? I mean, together, the potions could certainly get someone to sleep with them."  
Lily turned to him. "I doubt it. It did not seem like something he would do. I already know that he likes me, and I just don't see it from him." She laughed. "His friends want us to stay together really bad. They want us to be together. An item. Spiking drinks with love and lust potion seemed like the very thing Sirius or Peter would do."  
Severus's eyes widened and he looked at Lily. Lily suddenly stopped laughing.  
Lily took in a quick breath of air that was almost a gasp. "You don't think he-? He wouldn't-"  
"Well, Black is not one to think about the consequences to his actions now, is he? Neither is Peter."  
Lily knew he was right. This was too bizarre and crazy; this whole situation was insane. Her head spun in confusion, but it made sense if Sirius or Peter had tried to lace the drinks for her and James originally, but the plan backfired when the bottles got mixed up somehow and Severus and Lily had handed each other the bottles laced with the love potion. She would not put it past Peter or Sirius to sneak into the cabinet and steal a love or even lust potion.  
"If it was Sirius or Peter or both, then he wanted James and I to get the potions. That makes sense, but it didn't work. I ended up becoming obsessed with, with you."  
"I knew it was off. I mean, I always liked you, but not like, not like how it was. I was obsessed with you, madly, crazily in love." He admitted.  
"Not love, obsession." Her fingers trembled. She wanted to run but was uncomfortable leaving the bed even if he had already seen her naked. Lily knew running from the situation would not change what had already happened anyway. Why had this happened? She was falling in love with James and figured he would have been the first. She had lost her virginity to Severus Snape instead and that was not her intention. It was over and she could not decide how she felt. In a way she was horrified, sick and upset. In another way, an even bigger way, she was happy and excited and amazed.  
"I already love you."  
She turned to him. His face was redder than a beet with that admission. She blushed. He looked down at his hands. She looked at his face and that odd butterfly sensation from the night before re-entered her stomach. There was no way she still liked him. The potion's effects should be gone. Her breathing constricted. There was a strange sensation in her that was odd, but not like the feelings the love potion had. Was she falling for him for real? That was not possible.  
"Is it normal to still feel in love even after the potion wears off?"  
"I don't think so. Why?"  
"Then why do I still feel so strange? Not obsessed, but butterflies in my stomach type of feeling."  
"I don't know. Maybe it was the amount of intimacy we had." He finally turned to look at her. "I mean, we did-well, we-we did quite a lot-together." He could not help but smile as he remembered. It had been so great. He would have the memories of this forever.  
Lily sighed. She was not sure what to say or do even think right now. Suddenly, her eyes grew damp and a lump caught in her throat. "What will we do?" She sniffed, put the covers over her shoulders and looked away from him at the other two empty beds beside her.  
Severus heard her sniffing and heard her let out a sob. He cringed. He rolled over and put his arm around her. She was surprised to feel his arm around the back of her neck and his hand on her bare shoulder.  
"Don’t worry about it, it’ll be fine."  
She turned over to look at him with tear filled eyes. "No, you can't. You want to be one of them. Don't you get it?"  
"Get what?"  
"You had sex with a mudblood. Your blood is dirty now. It's not safe. They will kill you, us. Please?" Her eyes pleaded with him. "Please, promise me? Promise you won't join them?"  
Severus moved his arm off her and slunk back to the other side of the bed. "Lily, I need to."  
Lily turned over on her other side to face him. "Why? They are dangerous. They want me dead."  
"I can protect you. They won't hurt you. I won't let them."  
"You are living in a sick dream. They want people like me dead. You want to be a part of something that wants to kill people like me. Others are no different. I'm a mudblood. I have dirty blood. When they find out you slept with one and are in love with one, they will kill you. Don't you understand? Don't you see?"  
He clicked his teeth in frustration. "But you don't understand."  
"Then make me understand because no, no I don't understand. You are better than them, smarter, wiser, and kinder than they are. You don't belong with creeps like them. I know a lot of your housemates believe in the prejudice and desire to purge the world of anyone not like them, but they are pures. You aren't. You are half and I know you are not liked at times because of that, but please, don't join him. He's a dangerous man, an evil man."  
"It will make me powerful."  
"You want power? What the hell for?" Her eyes became almost slits.  
"Maybe I'm tired of being the weak one!" He snapped. "It will make me be the one in charge for once. It will let me be powerful for once."  
"No, it will make you a murderer. That's not power, Sev, that's weakness. You are strong."  
"No, I'm not."  
"You have spent six years putting up with being bullied and mocked and teased. I'd say you are strong. Stronger than me."  
"I really am sorry, Lily, for calling you a, a, you know, when you tried to help me. I wasn't mad at you. I don't really think that about you. Honest."  
"But you still called me that which means you think I am one."  
"No, I don't, I, I, really, I, I just lashed out at you because, I don't know. I never meant it. I wanted to lash out at them, but I couldn’t, and it was the first thing I thought of. Everyone says it-"  
"Only your wannabe Death Eater friends say that!" She snapped at him.  
"What about your friends? What about Potter?"  
"Don't bring up Potter! This isn't about him or any of the Marauders. This is about you and your friends! They do cruel, evil things, Severus!"  
"So do James and his pals!"  
"What? Using your spell against you? You and James hexing each other and you and Sirius throwing curses and jinxes at one another, while unnecessary and stupid, is not evil, Severus! Forcing people to do things they don't want to do is evil. Trying to use magic for rape or torture is evil and that is what they do! Killing things is not a pastime. It's not a joke and it's not funny!"  
Severus glared at her. "But it's so funny when Sirius tried to get me killed that night at the willow?"  
"You should not have been following them, but-"  
"But that makes it okay?"  
"Don't interrupt me!" She huffed in frustration. "No, it does not, and I would have said that if you let me finish!" She sighed in annoyance. "What he did was apparently dumb and dangerous, yes, I agree. I don't know exactly what he did, but if James had to save you then-"  
"Throwing that in my face, are you?"  
Lily gaped and narrowed her eyes to him in aggravation. "No. I am just saying that it must have been dangerous if your life was at stake."  
"Well, it was, and you don't care."  
"I never said I didn't care! Of course, I cared. I think you were careless to even listen to Black in the first place." She huffed again. "But stop turning this to them. Listen to me about your friends. You would not listen to me before. I tried to warn you, but you never listen. Always changing it them instead."  
"Well, they aren't good people."  
"They aren't cruel people, but you are doing it again."  
"I am not weak, and I am tired of being considered weak!"  
Lily was taken aback by that sudden statement. "You are not weak!" She said, nearly yelling now.  
"That's not what everyone thinks!"  
"Your precious little friends are the weak ones!"  
"Oh, yeah, how so? They have more guts than I do."  
"They are stronger than you?" She scoffed in shock. "Those friends of yours lack morals! They lack a conscious!"  
"Weakness is not being able to stand up to your enemies. I am weak. I couldn't even do the crucio when they asked me to."  
"You tried to torture someone?" She asked in disgusted shock.  
"I couldn't do it. I was too weak."  
Lily's eyes narrowed in anger at Severus. If looks could kill, Severus figured he would be dead right now. "Valuing life is not weakness! To not be able to kill someone or torture someone, even when asked is not weakness!" She softened her expression. "I consider it strength. It's hard to do what is right and stand up to people, but if you know it is wrong and refuse to participate, it makes you a hell of a lot stronger than just joining in and the arses doing it for some sort of sick joke" Lily paused. "And don't bring James or Sirius into this conversation."  
"Who said I was going to?"  
"No one. But you bring them into every conversation I have about your friends."  
The room got quiet. "Are you and Potter dating?"  
"What?"  
"Are you two dating?"  
"Kind of, yes."  
"Great." He said. "We cheated on him. They will torture me when they found out what I did to you for certain now. You are in love with Potter. This was a mistake, I know." Severus started to get up. "Forget it. Let's just forget this ever happened. You can go be with Potter and I will go do whatever. No one will ever know."  
Lily was very conflicted in her feelings at present, but she could not let the conversation end yet. She grabbed his arm and pulled him down.  
"What are you doing?" He asked.  
Lily looked into his eyes and her stomach fluttered. She lunged forward and put her lips over his. It was like a bolt from the blue and Severus found himself sucking her lips back. Lily smiled as he kissed her back. As she removed her lips from his, she was even more confused than before. There was a deep connection to him that she did not understand. She tried to wipe the smile off her face. At least she knew now that she could not put the new attachment solely on the potion. What the hell was happening?


	4. Peter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lily finds an irate Pettigrew, leading her to believe it might have been him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can thank a crazy day for this faster update. My kids were just getting themselves into all sorts of trouble making it a stressful day at work. Writing destresses me, so was able to get this edited last night. Hope anyone reading this has a great day.

"Sit down. Our conversation is not over yet."

Severus glared for a moment but laid back down.

"I should apologize too, for calling you Snivellus and for making fun of your old undergarment that day. I was just mad because you called me dirty and we were best friends. I just thought maybe you would change before then. That so long as we were friends you would not get that deep, but you did."

"You did not deserve to be called that word. It was wrong of me. I loved you. I didn't want to hurt you."

"You aren't under the potion. You mean that? You always liked me. You loved me before?"

Severus realized what he had just admitted again. He admitted for a second time that morning that he did love her, always liked her. "Yes." Once again, his pale cheeks became crimson. 

Lily was becoming even more conflicted as the morning has rolled on. "What are we going to do about this?"

"What do you mean?" He asked with confusion, his hand on her bare shoulder.

"I mean just that. What happens now? With us? We just made love to each other several times. Do we just move forward? Are we friends again? I don't think we can just walk away and pretend nothing ever happened." 

"No. I mean, yes, quite bonded, but no, it would not possible to just forget or pretend it never happened."

"You promise me you won't join them? Please?"

He let go and moved away, propping himself up on the bed with his elbow. "I don't know, Lily. You have to understand what a great opportunity it is."  
Lily turned onto her back, her arms over the quilt that was covering them. "Opportunity for what? All they want is for people like me to be dead. He wants his power. He only wants to use you. He won't let you have power."

"I don't want you gone. I won't let them touch you."

Lily scoffed in disgust.

"You don't see what it can do for me."

"What? What don't I see that you are seeing?"

"I'll have a job, power, influence."

"You can have those things without becoming a Death Eater, Sev."

"No." He shook his head.

"What do you mean no? You are brilliant at potions. You could be a potions master or something. Do something with that. Or anything. You are too smart to fall into a dangerous road."

"I may be good, but I don't have enough influence. Potter stands a better chance at a good job in that field."

"You are too hard on yourself."

"Well, look at me. There's nothing attractive to see. My messed-up nose, pale skin, dark, greasy hair-"

He found her finger on his lips. "Stop that. Stop doing that. Stop talking about yourself that way."

"It's fact, Lily." The duvet fell from her chest and exposed her breasts. He tried hard to not look, but the memory of caressing and sucking them flooded his mind. 

"No. You look fine."

"Easy for you to say. You're completely beautiful."

Lily shook her head and gave a little scoff. "No, I'm not."

"I think you are."

"Don't flatter me." She said, blushing. "I am not."

"I will disagree. You look beautiful. I'm attracted to you. I admit it. So is Potter. He's much better for you. He will always have influence and power and money. He's far better looking, outgoing, athletic, he's perfect. Don't worry about me. We had our moment. He's the better option."

Lily groaned and shook her head in clear aggravation. "You are so stupid."

He was taken aback. "What? Did you call me stupid?"

"If you really think I should be with someone because you perceive them as better than yourself, you are stupid. Basing yourself on a notion of what someone will find attractive is stupid." She huffed in irritation.

"Well, he wants you. You'd be a fool to pick me over him. Just because I wanted you to like me means nothing. I can't offer you anything." Severus paused. "Well, I gave you myself, but that doesn't count."

"Well," She cleared her throat. "I'm glad my first sexual experience was with you. I loved it, though it was awkward and painful to start with. I mean, I have to admit that it was good and-pleasurable, very pleasurable, actually." Her cheeks grew hot after admitting her feelings about their time together.

"I'm glad mine was with you too."

"I am glad that it was with you, an old friend, instead of someone else. I mean, can you imagine what could have happened if someone else got a hold of the potion? Any of the other guys in the club?" She cringed at the thought. "I mean, I know we stopped being friends and all, but we were friends. At least it was not random. I mean, it was random, but at least it wasn't some random person. Does that make sense?"

"Yes, actually. You are glad if you had to have this happen to someone else but you and Potter, you were glad it was me, an old friend, instead of some random guy you barely know. I get that. I'm glad, very glad it was you and not some random girl I barely know."

It got quiet.

"So, this was a quick, crazy and interesting make up."

He laughed. "Definitely unexpected, but it all feels right."

She gasped. "Oh my god."

Severus moaned slightly. "What now?"

"It's nearly ten. We're missing breakfast."

"Well, we were up quite late."

"It's not funny. Neither one of us knew what we were thinking. We are in serious trouble."

"I was gone all night. What will I say when Avery asks where I've been all night?"

"Tell him the truth. I'm sure he'd love the story and be happy for you. All you guys love to brag about sex anyway."

Severus looked at her and shook his head slowly. "No, seriously, I am going to have to come up with a good excuse. Besides, no one would believe me even if I told them the truth."  
"No. It is a far-fetched story, but a true one." Lily turned to him. "Sev?"

He grinned at her calling him that. He missed that. "Yeah?"

"We need to talk to Slughorn."

"We can't tell him what happened!" Severus’s eyes grew wide and his mouth dry at the thought of admitting to a teacher he just had sex regardless of why. 

"No, we need to get into the Slug Club and see if the butterbeers are still in the trash. I’m not telling him what happened. I’ll just say we forgot something.” 

“Won’t it seem weird if I’m with you?” 

“I’ll just tell him I needed to talk to you for a moment. About an assignment or something like that.”

"Fine." He pulled back the covers and turned away from Lily embarrassed to have her see him naked and then mentally kicked himself because duh, she already had. Lily tossed the covers back and found her knickers on the floor. As Severus put on his underwear, he saw a bra on the floor. He picked it up and turned to see Lily looking at the floor. Lily turned as he cleared his throat. She turned her head and he handed her the bra. Her face blushed as she took it. They finished getting dressed and started to head for the door. 

"I need a shower." Severus mumbled.

"No time. We'll take one when we get back."

"We?"

"You know what I mean. Later and separately." She opened the door. "Let me see if anyone is around first." Lily went on down and investigated the common room. "Coast is clear."

Severus came down and they snuck out of the hole and hurried down for breakfast. She went in first. Severus waited about five minutes before entering so it wouldn't look like they were coming in together and arouse suspicion.

"Lily? The sleepyhead finally woke." James said with a smile.

"I was busy working on potions last night, so I was up really late."

Lily started to eat. She was starving, but part way through, the full weight of what just happened weighed on her. Generally, not one to keep secrets, but there was no way she could ever tell James. How would he ever believe her that it was under potions and she didn’t cheat. At least not on purpose and that she wouldn’t ever cheat on purpose. Lily looked down to the other end of the table. She saw Severus eating and Avery chatting with him. Her stomach churned. She lost her appetite.

"Are you okay?" James asked.

"Yes, of course, I'm great. Why?"

He gave her an odd look. "You aren't eating, and you have your hand on your stomach."

"Oh, I'm fine. Really."

He turned back to Sirius and they started to chat about something. That was when Lily realized Peter was glaring at her. He stared hard at her, which made her squirm a little. His eyes were narrow, nearly slits with a heavy frown. Why did he look so angry? She hadn’t done anything to him. 

Lily’s eyes became galleons and she almost gasped out loud. Oh, fuck. He was pissed and she could only think of one reason why. It had to have been him. Sirius sat on the other James and they were laughing. He didn’t seem at all upset or angry or confused. Just Peter. His eyes bore hard into her as he turned his fork back and forth, back and forth. He turned the fork upright and stabbed it into the table without removing his gaze or even blinking. Her heart dropped into her stomach and she set her own fork down. She cocked her head and glared back into his eyes. He continued to glare daggers into her. She squirmed internally before turning to James, who was still cackling at Sirius’s jokes. Based on their behavior, she had a strong inclination that Peter Pettigrew had likely worked solo on this plot. She had to find a way to get back at him somehow. There was no way in hell she was going to allow him to get away with this.


	5. Bottled Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Severus and Lily search for proof of Peter's prank and discover more about each other.

Severus took a seat beside Avery.

"Where were you last night?"

Severus grabbed some of the food that was left and put it on his plate. "I fell asleep working on some potions."

"Must have been good ones. You look happy."

"Happy?" He asked, confused. Did he look happy?

"You are smiling. Guess you took care of your problem yesterday? Or do you still feel madly in love?" Avery's last question dripped with mockery and he fluttered his eyes. 

Severus grinned slightly. Oh, he took care of that problem all right.

"You shagged her, didn't you?"

Severus looked at Avery. "What?"

"You shagged her. The girl you were obsessed with yesterday. You go, Snape."

"What makes you think I shagged her?"

"The look in your eyes. Potions work my arse! That's where you were last night. Damn, Snape. All night?"

Severus swallowed his bite of food hard. "No-I mean, I didn't-"

"You did. Go, Snape." Avery gave a lewd gesture.

"What are you doing?"

"All night long." He laughed.

"That's disgusting."

Avery just laughed and punched Severus's arm. "Bet you didn't think it was disgusting while you had a leg over, did you?"

Severus ignored that question.

"Who was she? Come on, tell me. Was she good?"

"That's not your concern."

"Aw, come on. If you spent the night screwing her, I think I should know about the girl you were with. Was she good in bed?"

"I didn't say I slept with her or anyone."

"You did. You shagged her good too. I've never seen you so happy before or so content. If she's not yours for the taking, you ought to give me a shot with her. I could use a night like that." Avery nudged him again and cackled. 

Severus rolled his eyes. He couldn't deny that he had been with a girl last night, but there was no way he would reveal just who she was to Avery. While Avery scrutinized the young ladies who had stayed at school, Severus let his eyes wander to Lily. She was not happy and looked nervous. She wasn't eating her food and her plate was still half full. For a brief moment, he thought she might have a stomach-ache, but then it hit him. She was watching Pettigrew and Severus noticed Pettigrew glaring daggers at Lily. Severus frowned and clinched his fist. 

Suddenly, Severus did not feel so hungry either. He put his fork down and huffed to himself, running his hand through his hair. Lily was supposed to be with James. They were practically dating, and she had screwed him instead. The marauders would probably kill him for real this time. Not to mention that nobody would believe him or Lily about the potions and he knew they would think he had raped her even if she said otherwise. No one would want to think well of him at all. He was just a lowly, poor, nerdy Slytherin.  
Severus slammed his butter knife against his plate. Avery turned in confusion and so did a couple others nearby.

"I'll prove it." He said and got up from the table.

"Prove what?"

"That I did not do it."

"Do what?"

Severus was already leaving the Great Hall though so he did not bother to answer Avery. He would prove it somehow. There had to be a way to prove he had not harmed Lily that way. He would start by checking if the trash had their butterbeers from yesterday. 

Lily looked down to the end of the table at Severus. She saw him getting up and saw him saying something to Avery. It sounded like he said he would prove it. Was he talking about Death Eaters? Then it hit her. No, he was going to prove that someone had laced their drinks with potion. Lily bolted up at that. She had to know too. She wanted to know as much as he did what had really happened the day before.

"Where are you going?" James asked.

"I have to find something."

If Peter did do this, she would make him pay because if had done this to her, it would not have mattered if it had happened between her and James instead, it was his fault. 

"Do you need any help?"

"No, but thanks." Lily looked at Peter for a moment before turning away and heading out of the room. Lily could see Peter continue to watch her and scrutinize her as she left the hall.

Lily hurried up into the room where they had the slug club meeting the morning before. She looked at the pile of bottles in the bin and sighed with relief. It had not been emptied yet. She grabbed the bottles and sorted through them until she could smell the scents on two of them. They still smelled like what attracted her. Smelling the remnants of the potions made her suddenly feel attracted to Severus again and he wasn't even in the room and she had not taken a drop. She realized then that it was very powerful and she suddenly understood why the desire had turned so passionately sexual and there was no way after they had drunk the whole bottle each that they would not have ended up lying together like they had. Not when a whiff caused her feel in love and made her pelvis ache a little.

"Sev-erus?" She paused. She was not sure if she should call him Sev again, though she had been already. The one night from not speaking to sexual partners had made her feel unsure about their relationship now. It was not how she had planned on her first time. She expected to be in love and work her way up to that moment. She did not expect to go from a kiss to making out to intimate touching to sexual intercourse to all forms of sexual activity in one day, but that was what happened. Not to mention doing all that with an old friend who had not been her friend for more than year and they were barely speaking and suddenly, all that together as each other's firsts. Were they really friends again? Could they just be friends now after what happened and knowing that he found her attractive without the potion?

He looked up and gave a small smile.

"I, I found the bottles of ours, that we drank from yesterday. I thought it would be good evidence."

It was silent excluding a few talking portraits. One of which Lily was sure was listening to them though pretending to be asleep. "You know if anyone finds out, we are both in a lot of trouble. I mean, what if they think one of us did this to each other? I am certain it was Peter, I know it. The way he was glaring at me, how angry he seemed for basically no reason, I know it was him. I just-I don’t know how to prove it. I hope the bottles are enough.” 

"Just keep them safe. Put them in the cabinet hidden."

He knew too that when Potter found out what Severus had done with Lily, when anyone else found out what they had done, there would be hell to pay. If Peter was the one who caused this, Severus would find a way to get the bastard back.

Lily’s stomach sank. None of this was supposed to have happened, but it did happen. It all happened, and she couldn't do anything about it. Lily looked into his eyes for a second and then looked at him. She sighed. She never ever imagined they would have been together that way, so intimately. They were friends once, but lovers? That was not something she ever really thought about. However, she could not deny that last night they were definitely lovers. 

As upset as she was at what happened and what may happen, part of her was anything but upset. He had made her very happy last night and made her feel like she never had before. He had loved her entirely, made her feel worshipped by him. Flashbacks came to her mind of lying under him and him stroking her spine and of his lips on her neck. The feeling of him loving her and the feeling of his rough hands caressing her body and stroking her hair were all things that kept coming back to her mind. She could almost feel his lips on hers, over hers, his tongue on hers. He had been a good lover to her and that would be something that, no matter what happened between them, she would never forget, and she didn't want to by any means.

"Lily? Lily?"

Lily snapped out of it. "What?"

"Did you hear me?"

"No, sorry."

Severus huffed, but softened his expression. "Never mind. It wasn't important anyway."

"I'm sorry, I was just-thinking."

"Me too. I'm in a heap of trouble."

"Why is that?"

"I told you already. No one will believe I somehow got a potion and it made me sleep with you. No one. Everyone will think the worst."

"I know what happened too. You act like I can't remember what all happened. I have evidence of how it went down." She pointed to the bottles.

"And? You think they will believe you? You are forgetting who fucked you, Lily. You will be fine."

"We did what we did to each other and it was not your fault any more than it was mine."

"Does it matter? I am a Slytherin and therefore I would be the one to do something like that."

"You said it was untested and meant for lovers, right? So why would you drug yourself with it and how could you have known we would be the ones to give out the drinks. I mean, he usually asks" Lily paused and gasped. Her hand flew to her mouth. "Oh merlin."

Severus looked at her and raised an eyebrow.

"It was meant for us. James and I, it was meant for us. It had to be for us."

"You said that this morning."

"No, I mean, it had to be. Slughorn almost always asks James and I to do things for him. I don't know why he asked you, but he did and that's what changed it. I mean, there has to be a giver for a lust potion."

"So? How did my name get mixed up with Potter's?"

"The name tags just kind of hung there. When I was passing them out, a couple of them fell off. Professor Slughorn told me it didn't matter; the names were just there to make sure everyone got one anyway. He said" She stopped.

"What? He said what?"

"He knocked a few over that morning. I bet that's what happened."

"Why didn't yours get mixed up then?" Severus said then paused. 

"Well, he said he knocked a few, so maybe mine didn’t fall off." Lily sighed. "If yours hadn't gotten mixed up and James and I gave each other our drinks, it would have worked, but why would someone think we needed the potion?" Part of her wished it had been James. He was her boyfriend after all. She was not upset that it was with Severus. It was just perplexing. She put her hand to her forehead and huffed.

"Well, I mean-love potions can get you to bed, it just takes time."

"I know, but still. We were already, I mean we are already a couple, dating. Why would we need it? A love potion? Why rush it?” 

Severus gave a curt nod, not liking the thought of that. Still, he had been the one to sleep with her first and part of him hid a smirk knowing he would have the one thing James didn't have but had wanted. It was not Severus's goal to take Lily's virginity or to even consider it really, but he knew how Potter would feel about that and if Severus could prove he had not done this on purpose; he would always have a one up on Potter even if Lily did end up with James.

Lily looked at him again. "I know it was Pettigrew. I never really liked him but knowing what he tried to do-I don’t think I can even speak with him again."

"He is definitely the type."

"He was watching me at breakfast, scrutinizing me. It was weird. It was really awkward."

"So, find a way to make him pay."

Lily huffed. "How? I can't do it."

"Can't do what?" Someone asked.

Severus and Lily both turned to see Professor Slughorn standing there.

"Oh, um, we were just talking." Lily said.

"The two of you were talking?" He asked with surprise.

Lily shrugged. "Long story, but yes, we had something important to speak about."

"Why are you two up here anyway?"

"I think I left my notebook here yesterday and I need it for our assignment over the holidays. As for Severus, I asked him to meet me here. I-uh, had a question about the assignment. Knew he’d know."

"Did you find it? Your notebook?" 

Lily nodded, “Yes, Professor. And my question was answered. Thanks, Severus. See you after the holidays or around” Lily exited the room and Severus followed. 

Severus sighed and raised an eyebrow before he turned to her just as she turned to him. "I’m sorry this happened, Lily. I'm sure you would have enjoyed it better with Potter, your real lover." He knew that came out harsher than he wanted it to come out. "I ruined your relationship."

Lily looked at her hands. It was quiet for a moment. She glanced at him and opened her mouth as if to say something then closed it again silently. Lily gave a curt nod, her eyes saddened at his response. "But we are just going to forget it right-pretend none of this ever happened? I mean, to anyone else-pretend it never happened. I don't think we will forget it." She paused. "Maybe I should shut up."

"Yes, no one else will know."

"We can pretend nothing’s changed between us-if you want.” 

"Something has changed. No one has to know why though."

"Yes, I just meant, a sudden reconciling may have people curious and may arouse suspicion."

"It might." He looked at her again. "We should go.” They were both silent on their way down from the Slug Club room.

"You really can do better, you know." Lily said finally.

"Better than what?" He asked.

"Being a Death Eater."

"Lily-"

"No, I mean it. I just wish you would see it-that you are better than that."

"And what? Join Potter and his pals in the stupid Dumbledore club?"

Lily stopped on the stairs.

He turned to her and saw her standing there, looking at him. He could sense the frustration. "What?"

"No."

Severus stopped ahead of her on the staircase. "No what?"

"You don't have to join The Order."

"Then what do you want from me?"

"To stop hanging out with Avery and Mulciber. And other Death Eaters."

"What else will I do then?" He snapped. "You want me to hang out alone-have no friends at all."

"No."

"Well, they are all I've got!"

"Are they?" She asked, folding her arms across her chest. “What about me?” 

"Well, besides you. Asking me to stop being friends with them is like asking me to stick a metal pole in a thunderstorm-suicide!"

"It's not suicide. Don't even joke!" She started up the stairs again.

"I'm not joking! I go off by myself and that boyfriend of yours and his pals will start after me again! When they find what I did to you, regardless of fault, they will murder me!"

"They won't kill you." 

"Wanna bet?"

Lily stopped as she neared the main floor. "James stopped doing that to people."

"You think so, huh?"

She looked at him confused.

"He still does it to me. Thought you should know that."

"Do you do it to him?"

Severus said nothing and the empty corridor was silent minus the murmurs from the portraits.

"I haven't seen him do it to anyone since last year."

"You think I'm lying to you?

"No. I believe you. I am just saying, I haven't seen him do it to anyone. For the most part, he changed."

"Not from what I see."

"You two have this deep-seated grudge that I will never understand. I wish you both would leave each other alone." She sighed. "Let's just go chill for the day. I think I will go work on some charms before lunch. What are you going to do?"

"Probably go see what Avery is up to."

"Just don't anything stupid and dangerous with him. He’s not as bad as Mulciber, but I know his parents are Death Eaters." Lily started down the hallway.

"Same goes for you and Potter." Severus said quietly behind her. 

She stopped and raised an eyebrow. "You think James and I will get frisky now?"

"Well, if you want to try and get your boyfriend to think he was the first one instead and pretend Pettigrew’s prank worked-"

Lily looked at him in shocked disgust. "That is terrible. I wouldn't do that! How-"

"Sorry." He apologized. "I just thought that-you know-I mean-he-"

She sighed and folded her arms again. “I’m not doing anything like that. I don’t even know-I don’t know what the future holds right now.” 

“I think I’m going to go for a shower, Lily.” Severus did not want to talk about Potter or Pettigrew anymore. 

Lily nodded. "Yes." She gave him a smile. "I will see around, later?"

Severus smiled back. "Yes. Later-around. Enjoy your day. Maybe at lunch."

"You as well." She walked off in the opposite direction.

Severus watched her go with a heavy huff. 

As she turned the corner, something hot ran up his back and he cringed in pain. He turned just as another spell flew at him. He ducked and whipped out his wand. Black!"


	6. Anger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter and Sirius confront Severus.

"Snivellus." Black said as if the name was bitter on his tongue. 

Severus held his wand tight in his grasp, aiming it at Pettigrew and thinking about what curse to use on him. "Spying on me, were you? Complain about me following you, huh? Who's following now? Where's your pals? Or are we going to fight one-on-one?"

"What do you think you're doing?" Black snapped.

"Thinking about what curse to use on you two."

"You know what I mean?" Peter shouted out, bitterness on his lips. Sirius pointed his wand at Severus's chest. 

"Do I?" Severus was not sure how long Peter and Sirius had been following him and if they heard much or any of his conversation with Lily. He was unsure what exactly they were so angry about besides the fact that the potion lacing hadn't worked. Severus pointed his wand at Peter’s nose. 

Peter flinched. "With Lily? Talking to her as if she was a friend. Telling her you will see her later." 

Severus could see Peter’s wand hand shaking in anger. "That's not your concern, is it?"

"She doesn't like you!" Black scoffed

"She doesn't hate me."

"She is in love with James!" Pettigrew shouted

Severus had to hide a smirk on his face and pushed his wand harder into Peter’s nose. "Is she now?"

"Must drive you mad. Losing Lily when you never had her in the first place." Black sneered.

"Oh." He said, unable to stop a small grin from forming on his lips. "And I suppose James always had her? Or did he just claim her and assume he had all rights."

Black tried to shoot a curse at Severus, but his shaking hand caused him to miss by an inch and it hit the wall near a portrait. Severus just smirked as Peter shakily pointed his wand towards him. Peter was of little threat to him. He knew Pettigrew was a poor student and he could easily defeat or deflect anything Peter tried to throw at him. Black was another story with two of them there. 

"Watch where you are aiming that thing!" The man in the portrait shouted. "Damn kids!"

"What were you two talking about?" Black frowned. 

"That's not your concern." Severus said coolly.

Peter's veins were bulging, and he looked ready to explode. "TELL ME!"

"Tell you what? Our private conversation is none of your damn business!"

"You will pay. I will make you pay." He spat out.

"Make me pay for what?" Severus asked, his tone low and cold as he again pressed his wand at Peter’s nose. He smirked watching Peter squirm. "For something you caused?"

Peter looked at him, his eyes almost slits with anger. "I heard you. You will pay for what you did."

"What I did? What is it exactly you think I did? Maybe it was something you all did? But Lions are free from their sins always, aren't they? I'm sure Dumbledore will let you all off the hook. Just a prank, right? Your friendship with Saint Potter is the only thing that will help you in life, Worm."

Peter’s neck vein bulged in fury and he tried again to shoot a curse at Severus, but Severus quickly deflected it before he whirled around and shot a hex at Peter knocking him off his feet. “You were always a much better audience than dueler.” 

Black rounded his wand on Severus. "If you did what I think you did to her, the willow incident will look like fun."

"You're both of age. Don't forget that. I wouldn’t try anything stupid. Dumbledore may look past a lot of things you all do, but the Ministry of Magic wouldn't if I turned up dead."

"You will pay. She was never yours." Peter spat out.

"She isn't yours either. Shouldn't Potter be the bitter one? I mean, Lily is supposed to his girlfriend, not yours."

Peter wrung his hands around his wand and sneered. "Oh, believe me. He will know. I will gladly tell him what I overheard."

Severus froze for a moment, but just scoffed. "Oh, yeah? What did we say?" 

"Enough to make James want to kill you. Sleep with James so she can think he was the first." Black's wand was pointed at him again.

"You wouldn't tell him about Lily." Severus interrupted. "That would devastate your pal." Severus paused. What was he saying? "On second thought, tell him, please. I'm sure he would love to hear the truth. Bet you all won't tell him the whole truth anyway."

Black shot out a hex at Severus and Severus easily deflected it. As he whirled back to a curse back at them, someone spoke.

"What's going on down here?"

"Nothing." Peter said quickly, shoving his wand away. "Nothing, Professor, we were just having a chat." Black shoved his wand up his sleeve.

Severus put his wand down. "Yes, a chat."

Professor Sprout looked between them suspiciously. "I suggest you all move along now. No need to dawdle."

Black nodded. "Yes, ma'am." He walked by Severus, purposely running into his arm, glaring at him as if ready to shoot venom from his eyes.

"Move along, all of you!" Sprout called out about a few seconds later.

Peter and Sirius turned away and started down the hallway. Severus followed behind, refusing to have his back turned to them and risk trouble, even if Sprout was behind them.

Black turned behind him and saw Sprout speaking to a ghost. He turned his attention to Severus. "I heard your conversation and I will tell James what you suggested Lily do to him." He whispered. "You can't pretend or fool me. Wasting her time, isn't she?"

"Wasting her time? With what? Potter? Don't worry. I agree. She can do better than scum like him."

Peter and Black both glared daggers at Severus. "Potter is everything you can never be, and you can't stand that. She is way better off with someone like him than with someone like you." Black glanced Severus up and down and scoffed with disgust. "You never stood a chance with someone like Lily. What can you offer her?”

Severus forced back a grin that threatened to pierce his lips. "Oh, I'm sure I could give her more than you know. After all, you are forgetting we were friends for years and she couldn't stand Potter's sorry arse until he grew up a bit. Her words, not mine. I don't think any of you are mature people."

"A moment with you is a waste of her time when she has someone better, so you stay from her, got it?"

"Or what?" Severus looked daggers at them. "You expect me to believe Potter is a good person?" He laughed once quietly. "Ha!"

"If you don't stay away from her, we will make the next six months of your life a living hell. That's a promise." Black's eyes were like flames, ready to shoot fire at Severus.

"Are you threatening me?" Severus asked, his eyes narrowing at Black's glare.

"Yes." Sirius's response was without any hesitation. "Trying to convince a Slytherin to not join You-Know-Who's cause is like trying to teach to fish to drink water. Impossible!" Peter spoke up and Sirius raised an eyebrow at Peter before shaking his head.

"You really are an idiot, Pettigrew. Never were the sharpest knife in the drawer. No wonder your plan failed so miserably." Severus mocked. He wished Sprout wasn't nearby because he would love to curse Pettigrew into oblivion right now. 

"She shouldn't even bother you and we will make sure of it." Black spoke up.

Severus gripped his wand, his hand shaking with anger. "How are you going to do that? Tie her down and keep her in the dorms? You can't control her! She can speak to me if she pleases!"

"I will make sure she sees who is better. It's much of an option. Greasy, Slytherin Snivellus or Well-kempt, Gryffindor James. I think you know which she will go for."

"You just wait. I wouldn't threaten me."

"What are you gonna do?" Peter smirked, but his voice was timid.

Severus sucked in air and gave Peter a murderous look. "You don’t want to know, scum rot. The failure of your stupid plan is eating you away, isn't it? You are a self-righ-"

"It was you." Peter interrupted, almost moving out of a whisper. "You were the one who did it. I knew it. You did something to her."

"Did what exactly?" Severus snapped at him.

"You sick, nasty bastard!" Sirius pulled out his wand.

"I’m the sick, nasty bastard? That’s rich coming from low life's as yourself. I ought to curse you all right here, right now.” Severus pointed his wand at Peter’s face. Peter gulped. 

"You forced her!" 

"I would do no such thing. And why does it concern you anyway? Unless maybe," Severus paused, feigning thought. "Maybe she and some other guy were given some sort of love potion. That would be the only way she would bother to sleep with someone besides her boyfriend, no?"

Peter’s eyes grew wide and his jaw dropped for a moment. Severus knew he had him in the bag. Black's forehead raised and Severus realized his confusion was directed at Peter.

"Ringing a bell." Severus said, mimicking ringing a bell in one hand, tightly holding his wand with the other.

As they turned the corner, Peter threw a jinx at Severus, but again, Severus quickly deflected it. 

"That's just the beginning of your hell and you ought to know it." Peter snapped, which had Black and Snape jump back. 

“Useless prat!” Severus shot a hex at Pettigrew. Pettigrew grew stiff and fell to the ground like a board. Black just held his wand in his hand. At that moment, Sprout came around the corner.

"I turn my back for a moment." He undid the spell and Peter scrambled to his feet. "Mr. Pettigrew and Mr. Black, up to your dorm. Now! Before I assign detention. Mr. Snape, with me up to the library. I figure that's where you are headed, is it not?"

Severus nodded. "Yes, ma’am."

"Yes," Pettigrew said through gritted teeth. "Professor." "Yes, Professor." Sirius nodded. He turned to Severus. "I think I will go have a chat with my best mate, James and his girlfriend, Lily." 

"You do that." Professor Sprout said.

Severus followed Sprout but watched Peter and Sirius out of the corner of his eye, feeling a fire roaring in the pit of his stomach, burning hotter and hotter as he thought about what Pettigrew had told him. He would not let Peter get away with this. It was his fault he and Lily had taken those potions and his fault at what happened between them. Severus would get his full revenge.


	7. Aggression

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter tries to confront Lily.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I plan to try and get one more chapter up this weekend, but this coming week will be much slower. It’s going to be a busy week at work with evaluations coming up this month, which is quite stressful, and I think my kids know it because they were extra this past week. By kids, should specify I am an educator. My soon to be FIL is also having major surgery this week so, just be patient on the coming updates.

Lily headed down the hallway toward the stairs. At least she was talking to Severus again. If she could only convince him he should avoid the Death Eaters somehow, maybe it would not be so bad to be friends again. How would it work if he liked her and she was with James? She didn't want to break up with James, but what would he say? She didn't want to lie to him, but she could never tell him the whole truth.

As she walked the stairs up to the tower, her thoughts went back to Severus and their conversations today. Why didn't he see it? Why didn't he understand it was a bad side? Why didn't he seem to see what was wrong with people like Avery and Mulciber? A shiver ran up her spine thinking about Mulciber. That was one person who unnerved her, especially after what he did to Mary a couple years before. He was a creepy person.

"You want me to hang out alone-have no friends at all."

"No."

"Well, they are all I've got!"

Did he really think that he had no friends at all except them? As Lily got to the tower, she sat outside the portrait. He did not believe he did and as she thought about it, no one seemed to like him. There wasn't really a reason to hate him, but they chose to pick on him. Sure, his family was far from wealthy and Severus's things were mostly hand-me-downs from shops and his mother, but they had been friends for years. She liked him because around her he was witty and brilliant. They had fun messing around with potions and practicing their spells. They enjoyed each other's company for the most part until they chose opposite sides in the war going on. But a lot of people in his dorm sided with You-Know-Who it seemed. Not everyone did and surely, he could befriend some of the Slytherins without affiliation to the Death Eaters. 

Lily entered the empty common room. She went up to her dorm and snatched a couple of her schoolbooks to read over and went back down to the empty common room. Lily sat down on one of the couches and opened one of her books.

"What are you doing?" A voice asked her a couple minutes later.

Lily looked up and saw James coming over to her. She shut her book and gave him a small smile. As she looked at him, she was suddenly struck with guilt. She had cheated on him, on her boyfriend. She ought to tell him and not hide something like that, but something stopped her from confessing right then. There were too many unknowns and if she tried to accuse Peter, his pal, of drugging her with love potion, she knew he would get defensive and not even consider it. Not to mention that she could not and would not admit who it had been with because even if she knew James had changed, he would go after Severus. Severus said he and James still hexed each other randomly in the halls and while she didn't want to believe it, she knew Severus well enough to know that he would not lie about something like that. In fact, he could be brutally honest to a fault at times. That wasn't to say that he didn't hold secrets, because she knew he did, but he did not outright lie to her. When he did not want to discuss something, he changed the subject to avoid having to lie or he would not answer her at all. If that was the case though, James was still causing trouble.

"Just reading a book." Lily said to him, looking at her fingernails for a moment.

"Did you find what you were looking for earlier?" He asked with a smile on his face.

"What?" She shook her head once. "Oh, right. Yes-yes, I did."

"What were you looking for?"

"Oh, just remembered I needed my notebook, that's all."

"Oh."

Lily struggled on the verge of speech. She wasn't sure how to ask him. "I ran into someone while I was down there."

"Where?"

"When I went to get my notebook."

"Oh. Who did you run into?"

"Someone I haven't spoken to in a while."

James looked at her curiously.

"Severus." She said unruffled by the name.

Lily watched for James's expression to change. Sure enough, James's jaw dropped, and he stared at her with an expression that bore almost hatred. "You spoke to that horrible Death Eater wannabe who called you that word?"

Lily was immediately defensive and did not understand why. She stopped herself just short of speech knowing that if she suddenly got defensive, he would get suspicious and she did not want to give any indication that Severus had been the one she unintentionally cheated on with him once she told him what happened. "I've gotten over it. I mean, that he called me that. I can't stay mad forever."

"I would."

"That's silly." Lily saw James cross his arms and mumble something she could not hear, but assumed it was negative, whatever it was. "Anyway, we talked a little, yes."

"What did you say to him?"

"Not much. He was looking to work on some potions, and he apologized again for calling me that word."

James scoffed in complete disgust.

"We apologized and-"

"We? What the hell did you apologize for?"

"Well, I called him that cruel nickname-and mocked his undergarment."

"His underwear was old and dirty. He deserved it."

"It was still wrong of me. It's not fair to mock someone over something they can't help."

"He can wash his pants."

Lily sighed in aggravation. "You don't know his family like I do. It wasn't fair of me. I was just mad at him and wanted to get him back. He apologized for calling me that, so I think it's safe to assume he is sorry if he still felt he needed to apologize. Therefore, I apologized too."

"It wasn't fair of him to call you that word."

"I said I'm over it. He didn't call you that. He called me that and you're not the one who needed the apology here. I am and he did. I accepted it."

"So, you two are buddy-buddy again?" The loathing in James's voice was obvious.

"I didn't say that."

"Bet he still wants to be a Death Eater."

"I don't know. He didn't tell me." This was half-true since he never answered her question really when they talked about it earlier.

"Well, what did the bastard tell you?"

Lily narrowed her eyes. "Don't call him that. Don't insult his mother and father."

"You are defending him?" James asked in shock. "Geez, Lily. What is this, an attempt to bash me?"

"You know it's wrong to call someone that."

"He's a Slytherin-"

"So that means it's okay to treat him like dirt?" Lily yelled out before realizing just what she had said.

"Treat him like dirt? He called you dirty and you are telling me I treated him like dirt?"

Lily found herself backtracking to not get James suspicious. "Well, I mean-you weren't exactly nice to him."

"He followed us around and nearly got himself killed trying to do so and I had to save his neck when he snuck into the tunnel."

"Oh? That's interesting." Lily said and watched James look confused. "I thought Sirius told him to go down there and then you saved him from your own friend's carelessness."

"Sirius was just playing a prank, that's all."

Lily narrowed her eyes. "Like Mulciber's prank on Mary?"

"That was horrible."

"I don't see attempting to kill Severus as much better." Lily could not believe she was arguing with James about this when she always sided with them before. After what happened and her conversations with Severus, she just felt different and she didn't get why.

"What all did he say to you during your talk earlier? Huh? What made you turn on me and side with the Death Eater wannabe? Did he spell you or something?"

"No. I’m not turning on anyone. I want to know the truth. We needed to have the conversation we did."

"What exactly did he say to you?"

"I think that's between us."

"I'm your boyfriend and you are chatting with some old arse friend and leaving me out. What did you talk about? I am asking you not to keep secrets from me."

"I didn't talk to him that much so what's the big deal? We talked about how school has been going. We talked about our families and what's been happening since our split. His mother is ill." Lily knew this because of neighbourhood gossip last summer. Severus had not told her this, but it made it seem like they just had small talk.

"So?"

Lily's eyes pierced James. She noticed him squirm at her gaze and finally sigh.

"Fine. Sad. Boo-hoo."

"It's not a happy thing to lose a parent and she was-is rather ill."

Guilt pierced on James’s face, but Lily figured it was from the glare she gave him and not any real sympathy for Severus or his family. That and the fact that he knew her father had passed away last year. "Fine. Sorry."

Lily decided to let this go. "So, we talked about things and he told me something about you."

"What now? What would he have to say to you that is of any real importance? I can't believe you talked to the creep and why you would listen to a word that comes out of his mouth is beyond me!"

"I want you to be honest with me." Lily said coolly.

"Okay. Fine. Whatever. I'll be honest. I am being honest."

"Do you still hex him in the halls?"

"What? He said that to you?"

"Yes. I want an honest answer from you. Do you two still bother each other?"

"Well, he never fails to aim a curse at me in the halls. I have to defend myself."

"Do you ever throw any hexes at him?"

James didn't answer for a moment. "Why am I on trial here? That arse called you that word and tried to slice my face up after our OWLS!"

"You were picking on him that day, weren't you? And for what reason?"

"We were bored."

"And that's a good enough reason?"

"Why are we discussing something that happened more than a year ago? Who cares?"

"Because I never heard you apologize for treating people the way you did."

"Yes, I shouldn't have treated them that way. There's the apology. I don't go around hexing people-besides Sniv-Severus, okay? That's my honest answer." James stammered, backtracking on his words at Lily's gaze.

"But you aren't sorry for treating Severus that way then?"

"I am. I'm sorry. There. I said it. I shouldn't have picked on him because we were bored. 

"You don’t have to apologize to me. You should be apologizing to him.” 

His jaw dropped, “You have to be joking, Lily” 

“What good is it to apologize to me for hexing Severus all these years? I’m not the one you all hurt or tried to hurt.” 

“He's the one who called you that awful word though. I didn't make him say it."

“No, but," She sighed. "Forget it." Lily got up. "I'm going to go to the library. I need to-study."

"Lily, wait. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have lied about not hexing anyone. When he goes for me, I can't leave it. I must defend myself. I don't know what his problem is though. He just does it. He's a Slytherin, what do you expect?"

Before Lily could respond, Peter entered the common room. He looked right at Lily, his race red with fury. Sirius followed behind. Lily swallowed uneasily. James looked between them.

"What's the matter?" James asked.

"I want to speak with Lily-alone." Sirius spoke. Peter continued to glare with such intensity at her, she blushed.

"Why?"

"Because if you don't, I will tell."

"Tell who what?" Lily asked, folding her arms.

"James what you did."

"What I did?" Lily asked with a fury in her voice.

Peter's nostrils flared. "Yes. We will." "Come with me. We need to chat now." Sirius narrowed his eyes on her. 

"I don't want to speak to you."

"I asked you to speak with me."

Lily glared at Black. "I said I don't wish to do so. I have other things I need to do right now." She turned to James. "I will see you in a bit."

"Yes, see you in a short while." James said, giving her a smile.

Lily gave him a little smile back and then walked past Peter and Sirius, glaring at them before exiting the room.

As she got to the stairs, a shaky hand grabbed her arm. Lily found herself whipped around so fast, she nearly tripped. She was staring into two dark, angry eyes and gulped. Lily frowned and looked down at her arm.

"I said we need to talk."

"Let go of me." She said through gritted teeth. "Now."

"What the hell were you doing with Snivellus?"

"Whom I speak with is none of your damn business now let go of me-Now!" Lily attempted to jerk her arm away from him, but Sirius only gripped her tighter. Her breath caught and she gulped. “You’ll regret this, Black.” 

"I heard what you said to him. Suggesting you sleep with James to cover that you slept with someone else."

Lily choked. "No one ever said any such thing. Now let me go." As she tried to get away from away again, he squeezed her arm so hard, she cringed in pain. "Let go of me!"

Her jerked her hard and turned her back to him. 

"You sure weren't screwing him last night, were you?" Peter spoke up from behind Sirius.

Lily stopped fighting to get away for a moment and bit back a grin and feigned surprise. "Was I supposed to be?"

"Yes, I mean no, I just thought that-since-you know-holidays and all-you'd want that time with him."

"I didn't know the 21st of December was such an important evening and I was supposed to spend my night with him." She turned to Black, "Now let go before I hex you into oblivion.”

He yanked her towards him. "Where were you last night?"

She pulled back and slid her free hand to her pocket. "In my bed, thank you very much. Now let me go already!"

Sirius clutched even harder and Lily had enough. He was scaring her, and she wanted away from him. She pulled out her wand as he spoke. "Were you alone last night?"

Lily put her wand to Sirius's cheek. "Let-me-go-right-now."

Peter laughed and she moved her wand from Sirius to Peter. He grimaced. "James would be mad if you hurt me."

"Not as mad as he’ll be when he finds out what you did." She spoke calmly, though part of her insides were quaking as she wondered what Black would try to do back to her. “You don’t want to know what I could do to you, you worthless piece-”

"There you all are, I-what are you doing?" Remus Lupin asked.

Sirius quickly let go of Lily. "Nothing, Remus, just having a chat with Lily, that's all."

Remus looked between them apprehensively. Lily said nothing, turned and headed down the stairs swiftly, looking back every few seconds as if she was expecting to be hexed. Lily needed to find Severus. She had to tell him that what Sirius and Peter had overheard. As she headed toward the library, figuring he might be there, she was struck by a sick feeling in the pit of her stomach. What if they decided to speak to Severus next? She knew Peter was no match for Severus and she didn’t want Severus to get into any serious trouble. Black and Snape could seriously hurt each other though. She gulped and hurried to the library, as far away from Peter and Sirius as she could get.


	8. New Year

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lily realizes her relationships with Severus and James have changed almost overnight.

Lily entered the library and gazed over the room until her eyes met the back of Severus's head with his long, black hair curtaining his face. His face was buried in a book as well. She let out a relieved breath. She walked over to him and touched his shoulder. He jumped up and pulled out his wand so fast, it startled her too. She gasped as he turned to her, his wand pointed at her chest. As soon as his eyes met hers, he relaxed and put his wand down. 

"Sorry." He mumbled. "I thought you were-never mind."

Lily rubbed her sore arm. "It's okay. Can't be too careful, right?" She cleared her throat and looked at him uneasily. "Who did you think I was?"

He put his wand away and sat back down. "No one." He turned to face her. "What are you doing here?"

She sat down beside him. "I have something to tell you." She took out her wand. "Muffliato."

Severus shut the open potions book he had been reading at that word and turned to her. "Did you find something else out?"

"Not really, but Peter and Sirius know what we said earlier. They must have overheard us when we were talking. I think they knows we did something."

"I know. We spoke."

Lily's eyes widened. "Are you okay?" They had looked all right, but that didn't mean anything as to whether they had a duel.

"I'm fine. Black attempted to try a few things at first, but he was too angry and Pettigrew was too stupid and kept missing. Then Sprout showed up shortly into our conversation so they were unable to hex me or curse me."

"You certainly didn't do any lasting harm to them."

"Don't tell me I need to be nice to them."

Lily raised an eyebrow. "No, I kind of wish you would have. Hexed them, that is."

Severus turned to her in shock. "What?"

"Well, they deserve it. I know at least Peter did it. He asked me where I was last night because I wasn't with James."

"What did you tell him?"

"I was in my bed." She shrugged.

Severus grinned. "Well, that is true. You were in your bed."

"I asked him if I was supposed to be with James and he got a little defensive." She sighed, feeling a little awkward as she realized how easy it was to talk to him. She thought after the split it would not be so easy, but they were good friends once so it shouldn't have surprised her. Now it seemed more uncomfortable not talking to him. In a way, she kind of missed his company and did not realize it until this morning.

"Doesn't surprise me. He accused me of doing it, of being with you."

Lily’s breath caught. "What did you tell him?"

"Nothing. I tried to make it seem like you were just talking to me about it, not that I was the one who did anything to you, but I think he knows I did it regardless." Severus sucked in air. " It doesn't matter though. If he accuses us-"

"We can accuse him too."

Severus nodded. "Let’s just hope he doesn’t get away with it like Potter always does."

She sighed, struggling in her thoughts of what to say and rubbed her sore arm.

Severus noticed she was rubbing and holding her arm a lot. "Did you do something to your arm?"

"I'm fine." She sighed softly. "Black came into the room while I talked to James and demanded we talk. I didn't want to."

"I thought you said they knew-I thought he must have talked to you."

"He did. He stopped me at the stairs as I left and demanded we talk right then and started getting angry. He got rather aggressive. Remus showed up. I don't know what would have happened if he hadn't. Probably me cursing me into a stupor."

"What do you mean aggressive?"

"He grabbed hold of me. Got angry." Lily grabbed her arm, rubbing it unconsciously again.

Severus noticed this and his eyes became slits and he clicked his tongue to calm himself at the realization. "Did he hurt you?" The spite in his voice was clear.

Lily nodded once. "Nothing serious. Just a bruise."

"Let me see."

Lily rolled up her sleeve to her shoulder. The imprints of Sirius's grip were still visible and the skin where he held her was bruising already.

Anger boiled inside of him. "Son of a bitch!"

"He wouldn't let go of me." Lily said softly and pulled her sleeve back down. "Accused me of cheating, which I did."

"No, Peter caused you to cheat. They just want to save their own skin! I'll fucking kill them." Severus started to get up.

Lily grabbed his arm and looked at him. "Don't. Don't do anything."

"If that arse thinks he can harm you-"

"I know, but don't touch him. They could expel you. We are already in hot water as it is considering what we did together."

"Like Potter and Black haven't already done what we did? Please."

"Oh, they have. They just weren't under love potions. Besides, you and I-you know the scandal that will come out if anyone learns-I mean, it's not that I don't like you or anything" The heat began to rise in her face. "But between what happened before between us and your friends and my ex-boyfriend and his friends-"

"Did you break it off with Potter already?" Severus was surprised at that.

"Well, no, not yet."

"You are going to?" 

"Honestly, I probably will. I am sure it will go over just so well when I tell him what we did and I can't keep a secret like that."

"Why not? Just pretend you don't know what you are doing when you and him-" Severus knew he sounded bitter and he couldn't even say the words because just the thought of James and her doing what they had done made him feel disgusted.

Lily noticed how uncomfortable Severus was and noticed that he could not even finish the sentence. "And that's why I am breaking it off with James soon. He wouldn't be able to stand it either, that I did sleep with you."

"I'm not your boyfriend. We weren't even supposed to do what we did, and we wouldn't have if not under that potion."

Lily sighed softly. "I still think I need to tell James what happened."

"If he finds out I was the one you did it with-"

"If I can help it, I will leave out who it was with, but I need to be honest with him." She huffed slightly and put her hand on her forehead. "I am just concerned that Peter will twist it and that will make James choose between his best pals and his girlfriend. One of us would be lying. I don't see him thinking his friends would be lying. I hate making him choose."

"That's not your fault. Peter brought it upon himself and he was the one who tried to screw around with his best pal's love life," Saying that made Severus cringe. "I mean, it's not his place to get you or him to move to that level. He attempted it and screwed it all up on his own."

"Black and Pettigrew will regret this." 

"I loathe Black, but I'm not sure he is involved in the potion. I think he overhead the conversation or some of it between us, but when I was talking about the potion, he was so confused. Pettigrew knew what I meant, but Black didn't seem to have any idea what I was saying." 

She furrowed her brow. "Seriously?" 

"Maybe he did, but as much as I want him in trouble, I think this is one thing he didn't do for a change."

"At least next time we do it, it can be our own choice."

Severus raised an eyebrow and gave Lily a sly grin. "Next time we do it?"

Lily blushed. "You know what I mean-when we-you know-sleep together-"

"When we sleep together?"

"That's not what I mean. When either of us does."

"Together?"

Lily knew her face was getting redder. "No, but whenever we do it again."

"When we do it again?"

Lily huffed. "It's not funny. You are putting words in my mouth."

"It is a little." He turned to his book again and opened it. "If I didn't know any better, I'd say you liked doing that with me and are thinking of doing it with me again-Freudian slip-up?"

Lily looked away. "This is bad. I have no idea what he'll say to James. That's what bothers me. I know he will do his damn hardest to turn the blame on me to get it off himself."

"So you aren't going to tell Potter what he did to you then?"

"I am. Not today though. We are already on the edge from our argument earlier. I'll have to tell him though before I break it off so he understands why I must do it. I just don't want to accuse you of anything or admit it was you. I'll have to tread my words carefully." She sighed. "The thing is, I don't think he'll believe me. I really think that he would believe anything Pettigrew says over anything I say."

"So, you went out with a dickhead who would take his friend's word over yours?"

"He's not a dickhead. He just can't distrust his friends."

Severus's eyes were accusing. "What about you? Are you not his friend?"

"I'm his girlfriend." She said softly.

"And that means what? You are still a friend, aren't you?"

"I guess, but I'm not the same."

"If you can't trust each other, why be boyfriend and girlfriend?"

Lily shrugged. "Because he asked, and it seemed like a good idea at the time with us heads and all."

"Seemed? Sounds like you aren't so sure yourself."

Lily didn't know how she felt. The past 24 hours had been like a whirlwind and everything was changing so fast. "We talked a short bit ago, like I said. He admitted to me that he did still hex you. He didn't deny it."

Severus realized she was not going to answer him on his last statement. He was starting to think maybe it was not all bad if she broke it off with Potter, but he knew that did not mean she would be interested in him instead. "At least you believe me."

"I never didn't-I mean, I did believe you before. I just wanted to speak to him."

"So, he knows we were talking."

"I won't deny that. I just don't plan on telling him it was you I slept with last night under the potion."

Severus raised an eyebrow again. "Don't you think he will guess?"

"He might, but I am not going to admit to anything or give an indication that I was with you. I don't want him or Sirius and Peter going after you and trying to hurt you."

"Don't worry about me. I can hold my own."

Unconsciously, she put her hand over his and he looked down and swallowed hard. He was tempted to remove it, yet he wanted to take her hand and reassure her that everything would be fine, but that would be a lie. He didn't know if it would be fine. He didn't know what the next minute would hold for them, let alone the next several days and even months. Instead he stroked her hand with his thumb. She smiled at him. Even if the entire situation had them in a dizzying haze, things were not so bad right now. 

A week later

"I don't know what your problem is!" James yelled.

"My problem?" Lily accused. "No, this is not my problem. You won't listen to me-"

"You are acting so weird. You are hiding something from me. Where do you keep running off to, huh? Sirius tells me he has been seeing you with Severus and thinks you two are getting too close."

Lily huffed, blowing a lock of her hair that had fallen down out of her face. "What does he have to do with our discussion?"

"Are you his new pal again? He hangs out with the wannabe Death Eaters and you know what they want to do to people like you?"

"I am aware of the people in his house, but we were discussing the love potion-"

"That's what he said before he called you a, a-you-know-what." James interrupted.

"I told you already, he is sorry and I don't think he will do it again. I mean, you all were embarrassing him-"

James looked absolutely furious. "I didn't make him say anything!"

"No, he accepts full responsibility for that."

James paced the floor. Lily looked at the fireplace, gathering up her courage to break it off with him. She wished she could tell him why, but knew that she could not do without accusing Peter.

"James?"

"What now?"

"I don't think we are working right now."

"What do you mean?"

"Us, together, it's just-not working." She sank a little inside.

James's eyes pierced hers hard. "What are you saying? Are you-are you breaking it off?"

"I think we need to go separate ways."

"But you are becoming buddy-buddy with old Snivellus, huh?"

"And?"

James scoffed. "You are breaking it off with me for him?"

"No." She glared into his eyes. "I am breaking it off because you and I can't work now."

"What the hell does that mean?"

"I have been trying to tell you."

"Did you cheat on me?" His eyes were slits, daring her to admit it.

Lily sighed. "I know you aren't going to believe me, but I promise that every word I say is the truth."

"Why would you think I wouldn't believe you?"

"Because telling you the truth involves accusing your friend of causing me to do something wrong to you."

"What? Who?"

Lily huffed in aggravation. How many times did she have to tell him this? "Peter."

"Peter? Peter did something to you?" He laughed in a way that told Lily he would not believe her.

"Yes." She spoke with an air of confidence. "That's what I've been trying to tell you, but you keep shutting me down when I try-"

"You really believe little Peter gave you a lust lotion? Or are you just trying to turn the blame on him? That's what he says you are doing!"

Lily's eyes widened and she bore them into James so hard, James relented a little.

"So, you are saying you would take Peter's word over mine." Lily scoffed. "Severus was right."

The last line seemed to set James off. "Well, Sniv-Snape was wrong, I won't take his word over yours."

"You already are. You keep saying I cheated."

"You told me Peter caused you to cheat using a love potion, right? Okay, fine. I'm listening. What is this whole truth? I'm all ears."

Lily raised her forehead and was taken aback, unsure if he was serious or was mocking her. "Why should I believe you? How do I know you won't turn this on me? Because that's what it sounds like you want to do."

"So you believe Snivellus is more honest than I am?"

“No, but at least he believes me.” 

James’s face grew red and he clenched his fists, “What the hell is wrong with you, saying Severus is more trustworthy than I am?!” 

She huffed, “I didn’t say that. I’m not trying to make you choose between Peter and I. I am telling you what I know he did to me. What he tried to do to us. Don’t you get it.” 

“You are though. Peter says one thing and you say another and I don’t know who to believe.” 

“No, James. I know I’m telling you the truth. He wanted us to sleep together. He screwed up. He admitted it to me. James, he tried to hurt me when he thought I’d tell you. Don’t you get it? Peter is not a good person. He’s dangerous.” 

James folded his arms across his chest. “I’ve known him for years, Lily. He hardly even does anything unless we are with me.” 

“But you haven’t noticed he seems to enjoy doing more cruel pranks than you all? The curses he tries to do to others?” 

James frowned, but said nothing. 

She looked at the fire again and took some deep breaths so as to not say something she may regret later. She listened to the crackling of the flames and turned to James. It took her a moment to say anything at all. "Fine." Lily sat down. 

James glanced down at her, “So are we over? Just like that.” 

She looked at her hands. "Do you trust me?"

"Lily, you are asking me to accuse one of my best friends of trying to hurt you and that he tried to give me and you a lust potion."

"Well, I’m not backing down on the truth, so you just have to either."

“What’s going on?” Sirius asked as he entered the common room. 

Lily's stomach boiled as she heard Sirius's voice. "James and I are having a private conversation."

"Is that so?" Sirius stood beside James and Lily rolled her eyes. “Talking about the fact that she cheated on you, James? Peter told me what happened. He told me who it was with too. What the hell were you thinking doing it with Snivellus?” 

Lily was ready to explode and sucked in air hard and clenched her fists. James turned to Sirius and looked back at Lily in disgust.

"I didn't say-" Lily started, ready to go off on Sirius and considered pulling out her wand and hexing him on the spot.

"You did cheat on me with Snivellus!" He interrupted Lily.

"I didn’t say who it was and I didn’t cheat. You can’t cheat when you are under a potion or spell.” 

"So who was it? Was it Snivellus or Peter who made you cheat?" James asked in disgust.

Lily scoffed in shock. "I told you several times already that Peter did it."

"You are saying Peter gave you and some other random guy a love potion and you slept with that guy?" Sirius asked. “Do you expect us to believe that?"

James didn't say anything. Lily waited for a response. "You don't believe me?" Lily's words caught on her tongue, but before she could get any words out, Sirius scoffed. 

“Move on from her James. She cheats once, she’ll do it again.” 

Lily was nearly yelling now. "I said I wouldn't do that! You are turning this on me when this is your friend’s fault. He is the one who screwed up, not me!” 

"Funny how you became his new pal overnight though, isn't it?" Sirius spat out with venom. 

James interrupted, looking disgusted, as if he smelled a skunk's spray. "You let the greasy bastard put his nasty little dick inside of you!"

Lily’s stomach churned. She was terrified of them finding out about Severus. She did not want him to be threatened or harmed. Severus was not their scapegoat and she would be damned before she allowed them to make him that. She also almost wanted to punch them in the face for how they were speaking about Severus. "I didn't say anything about Severus-"

"My god, Lily. Him? You let him touch you like that? Put himself in you? And I kissed you since." James shivered in disgust. "You let him take your virginity? You and I were together. We had plans. That was mine to take, not his!"

Lily's eyes turned to slits. "Yours to take? My virginity doesn't belong to you or anyone except myself. So what if some other guy made me lose it? Was that your goal? You thought it belonged to you?"

"Well-I-we were-I thought I would be-your first."

She scoffed. "I wouldn't have been yours."

"No, but it's different. I am a guy. I am supposed to be more experienced to lead you-"

"I don't need to be led."

"I just meant-you know."

"No, I don't know." She clicked her tongue. "You know what, forget it. You clearly don't believe me so I am done talking to you." She started to walk away from both of them, but stopped after a few steps and turned back to James. "And yes, we are done. We are not dating anymore. The only way that will ever change is when you start to realize that I was your friend too." She turned on her heel and stormed out of the portrait, not looking back and not caring.


	9. Sick

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lily is feeling under the weather and Severus contemplates whether he can have his cake and eat it too.

_**January 14-Two weeks later.** _

Lily rubbed her temple as she stood in the hallway. 

"So, this says if we move it to the right, we can achieve the charm." Severus said and turned to Lily, who was not paying any attention.

Lily rolled her quill inattentively in her hand, her mind elsewhere and nerves shaken. She glanced out the window at the footprint laden snow and clicked her tongue anxiously.

"Lily?"

"Huh? Sorry, go on." 

He sighed and turned the page. 

“Can you not do that?” She huffed and pinched the top of her nose. 

Severus raised an eyebrow, “Do what?” 

“Turn the pages like that.” 

He blinked and raised his forehead, “What?” 

“It’s annoying.” She put her hands on her hips and pressed her hands inwards into her abdomen as it cramped. “Just please.” 

“I just turned the page and closed the book. I don’t get why you’re mad-” he paused as she grimaced, pressing into her lower stomach. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. Why do you ask?"

"Does your stomach hurt?” 

Lily took a deep breath. "I’m fine-it’s nothing. Just a little cramp.” 

“Are you sure?” 

“Yes.” She said through gritted teeth. “Please stop doing that already.” 

He stopped turning the pages of the book and just gave her a side-eye, “You sure you’re okay? I mean, I’m just turning pages.” 

She paused as the cramping eased. “I said I’m fine,” 

"I don't know. You just seem, dare I say it-kinda moody?"

"I am not moody!" She snapped. 

Severus rolled his eyes. 

Lily’s breath caught. “I’m sorry I-” a lump caught in her throat and tears welled up in her eyes, “I’m sorry I’m grumpy. I’m just tired.” 

“Have you been sleeping well?” 

“Yeah. Fine. And no, I’m not on my period, thanks.” 

He put his hands up, "I wasn’t going to ask.” 

She shut her eyes a second and took a deep breath before opening them again. "Sev?"

"What?"

She nodded. “I’ll be back.” 

“Where are you going?” 

“Bathroom, if you must know.” She sighed, 

“Again? You sure you are feeling okay?” 

“I’m fine, I just have to pee.”

“As long as you are okay. I don’t need the details.” 

She grinned slightly and walked to the bathroom. The bathroom was empty when she entered. She leaned over a sink and put her hands into her face. With her hands shaking, she splashed cold water onto it and ruined her makeup. The cold water was refreshing against her warm cheeks and helped her body become more alert. The cramping returned slightly in her abdomen and a slight wave of nausea suddenly hit her. She took a few heavy deep breaths with her eyes closed. This seemed to help ease both the mild cramps and nausea for a moment. 

“Fuck,” she whispered to herself as she ran her hand through her hair. Her eyes were heavy, and she just wanted to sleep. After another minute, she quickly fixed her makeup and returned to where Severus was waiting. 

“All good?” 

“Yeah, fine.” 

“Maybe you should see Pomfrey about it.” 

“About what?”

“Needing to use the bathroom so much.” 

She shook her head, “No, I’m fine. I think I just drank too much water today.” 

“Okay.” A loud chime rang out. “Guess that means we have to get to our dorms.” 

She groaned. “I don’t know why we still have to go to our dorms by 9 on a Saturday.” 

“Yeah, it sucks. Should be later during the weekends. Surely they know none of us are going to bed already.” 

“I actually might today. I’m exhausted.” She stifled a yawn. 

“Hope you don’t have some type of infection.” 

“I’m fine,” she waved him off, “Don’t worry.” 

“Well, I mean, you keep having to use the bathroom, your stomach is cramping, and you are really tired. Sounds like an infection or something.” 

She sighed, “No, it’s okay. They are different issues.” 

He shrugged, “Okay, if you are sure.” 

The chime rang again and they both groaned. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Sev. Have a good night.” She threw her bag over her shoulder and smiled at him as she started to walk down the hallway. 

“You too, Lily.” He tossed his bag on his shoulder and started to walk the other direction. As he reached the stairs, he heard Avery call for him. He turned to him. 

“Dude, what have you been doing?” Avery glared at him. “If Mulciber sees you, he’s going to kill you.” He whispered. 

Severus shook his head and blinked, “What are you talking about?” 

“You, hanging out again with that mudblood.” 

He huffed, “I asked you not to call her that.” 

Avery glowered, “That’s what she is, Severus. A Gryffindor one at that. Look, Severus, I like you, you are my friend. But you can’t be hanging out with mudbloods. I know you’ve always had a thing for that Evans girl, but c’mon man, there’s a lot of other girls in the school to consider. Ones who aren’t a threat to you. I won’t deny that she’s pretty, okay. But what about that Monroe girl in Ravenclaw? Or the Young girl who’s a fourth year Slytherin? There’s plenty of non-Mudbloods who are really hot to go for instead.” 

“I don’t need your help with my friendships, Avery.” 

“I’m just trying to help you, Severus. If Rosier or Mulciber find out that you are hanging out with the Evans girl again, man, they’ll be pissed. We are supposed to be joining the Dark Lord’s army this summer. You can’t have your cake and eat it too with her. There’s no way in hell he’ll let you join and let you be buddy-buddy with a mudblood girl.” 

Severus glowered at him, “I can handle myself. Thanks for the tips.” 

“Just be careful, Severus. I won’t say anything to them, but I can’t promise they won’t find out some other way or see you two hanging out. You have to choose where you want your loyalties to lie.” Avery walked on down ahead of him. 

Severus just stood there as some younger Slytherins passed by him. He gulped. Avery was right. They would be ticked off if they caught him with Lily, but he also did not want to give up his rekindled friendship with Lily. He wanted to be a Death Eater and have that power, yet if it was going to cost him Lily again, he did not think he could do that. 

He huffed and headed on down to his dorm. 

The next morning. 

Lily dragged herself to the dining hall, still completely exhausted. Sleep had not helped her feel any better. She saw Severus waiting for her. 

“Hey, you feeling better?” 

She shrugged. 

“Still not? You sure you don’t want to see Madam Pomfrey?” 

She shook her head, “It’s probably just a bug or something. Am sure I’m fine.” She gulped as they entered the dining hall. 

“Looks like they have a feast.” 

She moaned, her appetite disappearing as she smelled the sulfur of the eggs. A wave of nausea hit her, and she put her finger to her nose. The scent of bacon also did not help. She shut her eyes. 

He stopped before heading to the Slytherin table and raised an eyebrow. “What’s wrong? Lily?” 

She took a deep breath, but the smells of the breakfast just penetrated her nostrils and caused her pinch her nose again. “The smell.” 

“What smell? The breakfast? I just smell eggs and bacon and toast.” 

“Don’t-don’t talk about it.” 

He raised his forehead, “Lily, are you okay? You look kinda sick.” 

She shook her head, “I don’t feel so well.” At that moment she saw someone at the Hufflepuff table put their fork into egg and the yolk started to run out. Her stomach churned and heaved and bile started to rise in her throat. “I think I’m going to be sick.” She turned and bolted from the dining hall. 

He gulped and turned to follow her, “Lily? Wait.” He followed her until she ran into the girl’s bathroom. 

Lily gagged as she started to enter the bathroom and willed herself to not vomit. She made it to the toilet and started dry heaving as nothing was in her stomach yet. She dry heaved until she finally vomited a couple minutes later. She slid down the stall wall by the toilet and put her hand on her forehead. The nausea continued in waves. She vomited again a few minutes later and then the nausea seemed to ease a little. 

Severus could hear her vomiting from the door. His eyes grew wide and mentally cursed. She really needed to consider going to the infirmary. He paced outside of the bathroom until she finally came out about 10 minutes later. 

“Lily, I think you should see the nurse.” 

She waved him off, “I think I just need something to drink. Maybe some crackers and ginger ale or something.” 

As they returned to the dining hall, she stepped back as the smells started to hit her again. “I think I will stay out here. Maybe go sit down.” 

“That’s a good idea. I’ll go ask about something small for you.” Severus went into the dining hall and walked to the first Professor he saw, Flitwick. 

“Professor Flitwick?” 

He turned to him, “Ah, Mr. Snape, what can I do for you?” 

“My friend, she’s not feeling well. I was wondering if it’s possible to get some crackers and maybe some ginger ale for her instead.” 

“Oh, of course. Been a bit of a stomach bug going around the school it seems.” Severus watched him leave and return a few moments later with the saltines and a glass of a fizzy drink. He thanked him and left to find Lily. 

She was leaning against a window. He handed her the crackers and cup. “Thanks, Sev.” She nibbled on the crackers and took a sip of the carbonated beverage. “I’m sure I’ll be fine.”  
“I hope so.” 

Lily could not get up her courage. Some lion she was.

"What’s wrong?”

"Sev? We-We need to talk.”

Severus raised an eyebrow. “Um, okay.” 

She darted her eyes back and forth down the corridor. “Not right now-not here.” 

“Okay, where?” 

“Somewhere private. Astronomy tower?” 

He raised his forehead with a slight side eye. “Sure. After breakfast?” 

She held up the container, “Yeah, after breakfast. You should eat though.” 

“Later. Want to make sure you are okay first.” 

She let out a heavy sigh and took another bite of a saltine that was beginning to taste like sand in her mouth. Lily choked back tears as she stared at the cracker. She cleared her throat as her lip quivered and pulled herself together. She was not going to break down here.


	10. Late

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lily and Severus realize their lives may soon change forever

She swallowed the cracker hard and took a sip of the drink. “Sev?” 

“Yeah?” 

“Let’s go to the tower.” She coughed and closed the cracker container. 

“We can wait until you eat.” 

“I’m okay. I’ll make sure this stays down first.” She took another sip of the beverage and was starting to feel a little better. 

“Or you’ll have to use the bathroom again.” 

She nearly choked on her sip. A tiny smile pierced her lips and she let out a laugh though she had no idea why she was laughing. “It’s not funny.” 

“No, so why are you laughing?” 

She shook her head, “I don’t know. Not sure how else to react I guess.” She twisted the cup slightly and swallowed hard. “I think we should go up and talk now.” 

“Sure.” He followed her up the tower. 

Lily paced back and forth in the astronomy tower as Severus closed the door. He watched her for a moment. 

“You know, you may just wear a hole in the floor.” 

She didn’t smile as she looked up at him. Instead, she shook her head and he gulped. “Sev, we-we’re in trouble.” 

His face fell, “Why? What happened?” 

Her lower lip quivered. 

“Lily?” 

Her eyes swelled with tears and he choked. “We screwed up. We really screwed up.” 

He rubbed his temple, “With what?” 

“What were thinking that night? We were so stupid.” 

He raised his forehead, “Lily, I’m not following you.” 

She looked at him for a moment and then burst into tears. 

“What’s wrong with you lately? You aren’t acting like yourself.” He moved closer to her and put a hand on her shoulder. 

“No-you don’t understand. We really, really screwed up. We could lie about other things, but not this. We can’t fix this.” 

“Did Peter say something? If he’s threatening you-” 

She shook her head, “No, it’s not that. It’s-I-Sev” She bit her lip hard. 

“What-what is it? You can tell me.” 

She wiped her tears and sniffed and just shook her head, “I-I don’t know how. I don’t want to admit it to myself.” 

“Admit what? Just tell me.” 

She closed her eyes as more tears threatened to pour out and shook her head again, “I-I-Sev-I-I’m-I’m-I’m late. I don’t know what to do.” 

Severus raised his forehead, “Late? Late for what?” His eyes grew wide. “Oh, fuck.” Severus’s throat clenched and he stopped himself short of punching the wall. "Maybe it's stress?"

"I don’t know, I-my breasts have been so sore, and I’ve been so moody, and I’ve been so tired too." Lily tried to fight back tears and choked back a sob. "And I should have-my period-it’s been over a week. I should have started last week. It hasn’t come. And now today I threw up. Sev, I'm sorry."

His stomach churned and he took a deep breath. "No, I mean, I mean it’s not on you."

“It's my fault. I seduced you-took you to my dorm."

Severus laughed despite the situation. 

"It's not funny."

"Lily, we would have gone in the broom closet, the owlery, wherever we would have found that was private. Your dorm was the best option that night. We were under an aphrodisiac potion-we would have done it together no matter what-we were out of it. You didn't seduce me one bit, I wanted to sleep with you badly as well. We couldn't help ourselves in this case."

Lily sobbed as she let out a small laugh. "But why didn’t we use anything? What were we thinking?" 

“We weren’t.” He choked, his heart sinking into his stomach. What were they going to do if she was pregnant? How the hell would they be able to pretend nothing happened between them if she was pregnant? A child was the last thing on his mind right now. How could they possibly raise a child so young and during a time of war? 

Severus put his arms over her shoulders. She didn't protest and put her hand to her mouth.

"I don't want to do this. I don't want to have a baby."

"Why don't you find out for sure? Take one of those tests just in case. It may be a false alarm. Maybe it's one of those chemical ones where nothing will happen. Maybe we can do something.” 

Lily gasped. "Are you saying you want to get rid of it? I don’t think I could do that."

Severus backtracked at once. "No, I mean-You said you don't want to have a baby though."

"I don't."

"So then what?"

"I don’t think I can go through with that.” 

"Just find out for sure. Then we can decide whether to worry or not."

"I already started the potion. I am going to check it in the morning."

"Why in the morning?" 

"Because it needs an extra ingredient."

Severus knew what ingredient she was talking about. "Got it."

Lily folded her arms across her chest. "Our lives are over. They will find out and kick us out of school. We will have to run off somewhere because your friends will also be ticked off with you having a baby with a mudblood. I’m only 17, you’re only 17. How can we care for a baby? I mean, I want kids, but not yet. Not yet.” 

Severus rubbed her arms gently. He could not think of anything to say.

"Well, say something!"

"I don’t know what to say.” 

She sighed. "That's what I was afraid of." Lily choked. "I can hide it for awhile, right? I mean, it will take a bit to get large enough to show through the robes. Just six months is all we have left. I can put on charms to give the appearance of not being pregnant until we finish school."

"That could work until about three months later when you suddenly pop out an infant."

Lily laughed and she did not know why. "Well, at least we can be done with school at that point, right?"

"Yeah, Lily. We will be." He attempted a smile, but it was forced. Their lives were about to turn from trouble to pure and complete hell. He knew that if Lily thought she was pregnant; she probably was, and he hoped to the heavens it was just a false alarm. Right now, he was glad to have neglected breakfast with his churning stomach. His heart raced as fast as his mind. Things were hard enough right now as it was. This was not something either of them were prepared to handle. 

“This wasn’t what I had planned.” She folded her arms tight across her chest. “This is one secret that’s going to be the hardest to hide.” 

“Since when does anything in life ever go as planned.” He sighed. 

“You don’t have to deal with this. I understand if you-if you want to just bail.” She hung her head down. 

He shook his head. “This is just much my fault as yours. I couldn’t do that. If you are expecting, then we have to face the consequence-together.” 

She swallowed hard and put her hand on her stomach. She was anything but ready for the hell that was about to come. 

The next morning

Lily woke up and went into the bathroom. Never had she so anticipated her cycle coming on time. It was normally painful, and she rather dreaded it. This time though, when nothing was happening, she wanted nothing more than to have it arrive. However, that time had come and gone, and she had a very bad feeling that she and Severus had not been so lucky. She had to find some way to know for sure if she was pregnant. She did not feel right, but her hopes were that it was just in her head because she was just afraid, she could be. 

Lily pulled out the potion she had brewed the day before nervously, her hands shaking the red coloured liquid inside. Her mind spun and she grew dizzy as she sat on the toilet to add the last ingredient. She set it on the sink, trying to not look while she waited to see if the potion changed colour. She was afraid to leave it for fear of a roommate discovering the potion and asking her questions. Lily knew they would bombard her with questions about James and how it was the first time with him, and she could not answer them. Lily said they were taking a break from each other so it would look even more suspicious about why she was using a pregnancy detection potion. She was not at all ready to tell anyone about her night with Severus and Peter had still not told James everything. Lily still denied it was with Severus, but she and James were hardly speaking right now. James seemed adamant that she was covering up the fact that she had cheated even when she insisted Peter was covering up the fact that he had attempted to use love potion on them. He continued to say she was covering it up when she outright accused him of drugging her so she would have hopped in the sack with James. She had been avoiding the Marauders lately. She was sick of the blame on her and sick of trying to convince Pettigrew to own up to his error and James to believe her. She was afraid to even begin to tell her friends what had happened, fearing they wouldn't believe her either.

She looked over again at the potion. It was turning an aqua colour which made her cringe. "Please turn to an orange, please. Not green. Anything but green." She said to herself. She caught herself biting her fingernails in nervous anticipation. Her legs trembled a bit and she took a deep breath to calm herself and put a hand on her left leg to steady it, fearing the worst had come true. Three minutes passed. Though she had already resigned herself to the truth, Lily shut her eyes tight and swallowed hard before finally forcing herself to look.


	11. A New Normal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lily and Severus discover their futures are going to be different than they imagined.

"No. No. Please." She looked at the green liquid, shaking. She knew she had done the potion correctly, so it was not a mistake as much as she wanted it to be. 

Lily slid to the floor and covered her face with her hands. She just wanted to pretend she didn't know now. She did not want to deal with this. Things were tense enough between her house and this was just going to make life harder. She had plans and this was not part of the plan. Finishing school, getting married and then having a baby was the plan, not getting pregnant, finishing school and maybe getting married. "It was just one night." Her eyes began to pool with tears, and she squeezed her robes at her chest where her breasts were still sore and took a deep breath. She closed her eyes, willing this to all just go away even though she knew that was impossible. She did not have any idea what would happen now. How easy would it be to keep it a secret? How soon before she would start to show? How could she afford a baby? How could she care for it? What about Severus? How would he handle this? How would they handle this?

She heard a knock at the door.

"Lily? Are you in there?"

She jumped to her feet and cleared her throat. "Um, yeah-Just a minute." She yelled back and put a cork in the potion and shoved it in her pocket quickly. She wiped her eyes and tried to make it look like she wasn't upset. There was no way she could tell anyone what was bothering her, and she had to talk to Severus as soon as she could. He had to know that she was expecting as this affected him.

Lily did not want anyone to know for fear of the backlash and getting Severus in serious trouble. As much as she didn't want to admit it, it was clear that between Severus and Peter, Peter was going to be believed more. She was afraid that even her account of what happened wouldn't get Peter in trouble A surge of anger washed over her. This was his fault. Peter was the reason she was pregnant. Yet, there was nothing she could do about it because Peter was not the one who got her pregnant physically so she couldn't even accuse him that way. Even with the bottles and with their word, she could not prove who did it, just that someone had.

She heard a knock again.

"Are you okay?"

Lily took another deep breath and left the bathroom, ignoring her roommate and hurrying out of the dorm and ran straight into one of the last person she wanted to see right now-James Potter. Being a head with James had been a nightmare since their break-up. They were barely communicating, and Lily stayed away from him lest he start berating her again, threatening to tell everyone who she cheated with. She never did admit to him that it was Severus when James accused her of cavorting inappropriately with him. Lily just got annoyed because he refused to even listen to her about Peter but expected her to listen to him accuse her of hating him and trying to hurt him.

"You are just trying to get back at me because I made Severus humiliate himself once?"

"Once?" Lily had snapped. "Just once? You humiliated him more than once!"

"So, you are cheating with Severus! He fancies you and you knew it and went with him. You had me and you chose him?"

"Why is it any of your damn business who likes whom? I never said I did anything with him and I never did anything on purpose regardless!"

"I still can’t believe you broke it off with me to shag the Death Eater who has always had a creepy crush with the muggleborn! Bet Sirius was right-bet he was fancying to rape you with the potion since you wouldn't bother shagging him otherwise!"

That had ticked her off so much that she had to use all her strength to not slap him across the face and hex him on the spot for speaking that way. "You know what? I'm glad I broke it off with you. I thought you had changed, but you really haven't at all. You are still just the same arrogant toerag you were a couple years ago." She had stormed away because if she hadn't left right then, things would have gone bad.

"Lily? You look upset? Something wrong?"

"What's wrong with me isn't your concern."

"I thought you might be feeling some regret for cheating on me."

She folded her arms across her chest and looked him cold in the eyes. "No, but your pal should. I don’t want to argue today, so just leave me alone."

James frowned. "Look. I am willing to overlook the fact that you apparently got yourself inebriated and cheated on me-"

"Inebriated?" Lily furled her eyebrow.

"Well, you were obviously drunk."

"I was not drunk." She huffed. "Except with potion, but I wasn't drunk." She turned to head towards the portrait, and he grabbed her arm. 

"Ah, come on. You had to be wasted. Why else would you sleep with Snivellus?"

Lily pulled away from his grip and drew her fingers into her palms. "I never said I slept with Severus, so stop accusing people and don’t touch me!” 

"Well, it's rather obvious. Peter told me how cosy you two have been since that night."

"Funny how involved he is and how much he knows what happened, isn't it?" She snapped. 

"You were my girlfriend. I am his best friend, so he was looking out for me and when he caught you two talking-"

"Is that right? Looking out for you?" Lily scoffed. "He was trying to save his own skin. He admitted what he did, so I am not having this bullshit about him caring about anyone. I’m not in the mood to fight about this. I have more important things to worry about." Lily started to walk past him.

"Lily, come on. Look, let's just forget this."

"I can't forget it, but I am done talking about it with you or Peter or Sirius because it's pointless. If I even see Peter today, I might punch him in that sorry little rat face of his."

"I forgive you."

Lily scoffed in disgust and shock. "You forgive me? You forgive me!"

"Well, you cheated on me. I didn't cheat on you!"

Lily narrowed her eyes at him, but before she could speak, he cut across her.

"I am willing to let you be my girlfriend again, okay?"

"You'll let me?" Her eyes were almost slits with anger.

"You know-I mean-I am forgiving, and I am willing to let it go."

"How nice. Aren't you just the little saint?" She huffed and unfolded her arms. "I have more important things to do right now." She turned and headed out of the portrait with a couple fourth year boys headed for breakfast.

Lily did not go to breakfast and instead went to the stairs that lead to the astrology room. She knew no one would be up there this time of the day as the professor only had afternoon classes. She collapsed on the winding stairs, choking back tears. This was going to ruin both of their lives. The backlash worried her as well and did make her consider leaving, but she didn't want to leave. She wanted to finish her education. She only had a few months left. 

She wondered what Peter and Sirius would do if they found out she was pregnant? What would James do? What would the others in the dorm and in the school think if they found out? She was trapped with no real way out of this. Sure, she could try to find a way to get rid of the foetus, but the thoughts of what that would do to her and how well those sorts of potions and spells worked since they were of a dark nature, she didn't know and was afraid to find out. A part of her did not want to get rid of the foetus either and that confused her. She didn't want to have a child yet, but she did want a child one day so the thought of getting rid of the potential baby was just not something she could do. Lily figured that part of her was the bit where she was already accepting that this could happen despite the fears that plagued her because of this.

Lily put her hands over her face. "I just want to go back in time and fix all this, but to get a hold of a time turner and to change everything would get messy and I could cause more problems. I don't want to go back with James. Well, I could try and just fix the bottles from being drunk or from Peter trying to lace our drinks, but no-that won't work because I wouldn't be able to see what Peter could do and I would still be dating James and I wouldn't see that while he has grown a lot, he is still just an irritating git. And Severus and I would not be friends."

A large part of her, that despite how much she wanted to deny it, was happy to be friends with Severus again and even if they were not publicly speaking, she had missed her old friend. She hadn't realized just how much she had missed his friendship until they started studying and hanging out again some. She was tempted to tell Peter thanks when he tried to accuse her of cheating on James all on her own. Because of him, she and Severus had made up and were friends again. She was not sure if they hadn't been in such a close and intimate setting and situation that they would be speaking right now. She was certain they probably wouldn't be. 

0o0o0o

Severus tried to eat breakfast that morning but noticed Lily hadn't shown up to eat and that concerned him. He had a rough night and was sure she did too. The fact that she was not here eating made him fear the worst-that she was pregnant. He abandoned his food and left the hall, deciding he ought to go look for her and see if she was okay. As he walked down the hall, he realized that he would not be able to get to see her unless he got someone to bring her down. As he started for the Gryffindor tower, he remembered where she usually went when she wanted to be alone and decided to see if she was there first before he went to the tower to wait.

As he went to the stairs up to the astrology room, he heard Lily's voice mumbling. He figured she was talking to herself and when he rounded the stairs, a step squeaked.

Lily gasped and pulled out her wand. "Who's there?"

Severus could hear nervousness in her voice he hadn't heard before. "Lily?"

Lily heard a familiar voice and looked up from her hands and saw Severus coming around the steps. She put her hand to her chest. "It's just you."

Her words were spoken with relief and not disgust. "I didn't forget your favourite alone spot."

She tried to give him a little smile but couldn't manage it.

"Everything okay?"

Lily shook her head. "No." She put her hands down and sniffed. "You may want to sit down."

Severus had a bad feeling about what she was going to tell him. "Okay." He sat beside her.

Lily reached into her robes and pulled out a bottle of green liquid. "This is our new hell."

"What is it?"

"The potion I brewed yesterday, remember?"

Severus remembered and his stomach churned the little bit of bacon he ate.

"If it turns orange-you are fine. If it turns green-"

Severus swallowed hard and his insides began to quake as he registered what she was confirming to him while looking at the green liquid, "You're pregnant." He whispered.

Severus noticed that she was suddenly calm for a second while she put the potion in her potion in her robes again. Then she burst into tears and he moved closer, hoping to calm her down. He put his hand on her shoulder and squeezed it. "It'll be okay. We’ll figure it out.”

He wasn't so sure himself, but what else could he say to make her feel better? He knew there was a chance and he was up half of the night wondering if she was and how they would handle this. Still, he had pushed it out his thoughts reminding himself that there was not 100% proof just yet. Now, he had the proof and it was just starting to hit him a little that this was not a maybe anymore; Lily was pregnant and they were going to have a child together and somehow they were going to have to deal with this.

Lily nodded and had to fight a sob. She put the potion back in her robes and he put his arm over her shoulders. She was startled as to why he was rubbing her arm and telling her it would be okay until she realized she was all but crying. Her vision blurred with tears and sobs racking from her chest. "Our lives are over."

Severus didn't really know what to say because everything seemed so crazy right now and he didn't have any idea how this would affect them. "Not completely. They'll just change."

"Until people find out."

"They won't for a while. It'll be fine."

Lily shut her eyes for a moment and let out a deep breath. "We have about six months. We can do this. We can hide this-pretend I'm fine and that nothing has changed."

"We don't have much choice, do we?"

Lily sighed. "Not really. I'm due in mid-September. We'll be done and home by the first of July." She took his hand. His mouth twitched into a grin for a moment before going back to its normal position. He gave her hand a gentle squeeze of reassurance. They sat like that for several minutes, neither saying a word. He didn't make her move or mention that they might be late for class even though they were never late and prided themselves on that fact. She knew that he knew they were going to be late, but he still didn't say anything and didn't leave. He seemed to get that she was not ready to leave her comfort spot yet and she appreciated it.


	12. Expecting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lily struggles with the woes of pregnancy.

_16 January 1978_

Severus sat alone in the common room. It was empty since everyone else had gone down to bed for the night. As he looked at the clock, he sighed. It was a quarter to four in the morning. He couldn't sleep though. He pressed his hand to his forehead and rubbed his temple. His mind was heavy, and his stomach ached with his churning nerves and empty belly. He had not eaten much that day. He hadn't eaten very well for the past couple of days. Ever since Lily had come to him with concerns of being pregnant and now that she was indeed that, he was torn and confused and did not know what he wanted. 

"Lily's pregnant. Lily is pregnant and you are having a child with her-whether you like it or not." He said out loud, but to himself.

He watched the second hand of the old clock tick and ran his fingers over the open page of his Potions text. She was having a baby and that baby was fathered by him. He was having a very difficult time accepting that reality because the very thought of him as a father was a laugh. He was not the fatherly type at all.

"Dammit, Pettigrew. Damn you!" He wanted to rip one of the pillows open on the couch and pulling out all the stuffing because he was so ticked off right now.

Of course, even though he was upset about the notion of having a child, he was not upset about his night with her. If only the result hadn't been a child maybe it would have been better. He had loved every second of being that way with her and they had both enjoyed it quite intensely. If only he could have another night like that with her. He remembered the way she stroked him and the looks on her face when he had managed to pleasure her and how happy she was when he showed his own pleasure to her. Severus recalled how it felt to touch her and hold her and love her.

"Stop thinking about that." He had to stop thinking about it because it made him horny and right now was not the time to get hard over memories of her in the buff and them sleeping together.

He did not know how they would handle this or what they were going to do about it. Right now, neither a good solution worked out for what came next. He didn't want to force Lily to marry him even if that would be expected. With James, Lily could have everything. With him, she would not have anything, unless he could somehow convince her that the Death Eaters weren't so bad, and they could have a nice life that way. It was his only chance at being able to provide something.

Giving up on his ideas of being a Death Eater meant he would have a better relationship with Lily. He knew deep down he could never convince her to be a part of them. This baby was going to destroy everything they ever wanted. It wrecked Lily’s chance at having a wealthy, athletic, handsome boyfriend. It wrecked her friendship with the Marauders and would wreck her friendship with her housemates too when they found out. He did not have any misgivings on that fact. He was the one they told her to stay away from and now she was pregnant with his baby. Severus could only begin to imagine their reaction.

This situation had wrecked his chances of becoming a Death Eater like he wanted. Becoming a Death Eater meant losing her and leaving her alone with their baby and he would be abandoning his responsibility and it was his responsibility. Even though he was not ready for child in any way, shape or form, it was still his responsibility and he would not forsake his duties in that matter.

It was ultimately a matter of what he wanted more: The Death Eaters or Lily. He couldn't have his cake and eat it too.

Severus slinked down to his dorm and crawled into his bed without waking his roommates. He awoke the next morning late and missed breakfast, barely making it to his first class in time. Lily was in his first class. She looked at him when he entered and gave a little smile. He could tell it was forced just like his back to her.

Severus wasn't looking and tripped on something. He caught himself before he hit the ground. Before he got back to his feet and turned around, he heard some laughing.

"Watch where you're going, Snivellus." James Potter said.

Severus gave James a murderous glare.

"What-no threats this time? Losing your touch!" James looked daggers at him.

"I have nothing to say to you." Severus turned away from Potter and Black. 

"I have plenty to say to you!"

Severus turned back around to see James fuming. "Do you?"

"I know you did it. I'll make you pay."

"Did what?"

"Don't play dumb." James snapped quietly. "You slept with Lily. You got her drunk and shagged her!"

Severus grinned slightly. "Did I now? Drunk, you say?" He held his smirk firm as revealing in Potter's anguish made his current troubles disappear for a moment.

"I know it was you."

"How so?"

His eyes glared daggers at him, daring him to slip up and admit it, but Severus refused to cave. "Pettigrew told me all about your conversations with him and his conversations with Lily."

"Tell Pettigrew thanks for the failed attempts at curses, but he can hex me all he wants, and I will not confess to anything."

"She's my girlfriend." James spoke with bitterness on his tongue.

"Was your girlfriend. If she wants to let you know anything about herself or her personal life, she can tell you, but I will not do so. What she tells me is between the two of us. Get that through your alls thick, useless skulls." While he was tempted to hex Potter, he wouldn't do so lest he end up with detention.

The door opened and Severus glared once more at Potter before moving to his seat. He put his hand to his forehead as the Professor started class. His eyes were tired, and he was barely able to stay awake through that class or the next. He nibbled on the food at lunch, his stomach still in knots.

"Snape!" He heard someone yell into his ear and he lifted his head up and grumbled. 

"What?"

"What the fuck is wrong with you?"

"Nothing." He mumbled. "Tired."

"Yeah, because you're not going to bed until four. I'd be dog tired!" Rosier said.

Severus grumbled slightly and mumbled to himself, wishing they would all leave him alone. Mulciber poked him with his wand and Severus was ready to explode. He was fucking tired and not feeling well due to lack of food and sleep and his life was royally screwed up forever and the idiot was attempting to poke him.

"Touch me with that again and I will take it, turn a few curses on you, snap your damn wand in pieces and toss it into the lake you fuckin' imbecile!"

"Damn, you're more grouchy than usual." Avery stated.

Severus huffed and looked over at Lily at her table. She was nibbling on her food too, looking at it like it was a pile of slugs. She didn't seem happy. He wasn't either.

He didn't know what he wanted anymore. He didn't know anything about anything anymore. All he ever wanted was to be successful and influential and to have Lily as his girlfriend. Now, he had slept with her and he didn't know where his life was going now or what to do. He guessed Potions apprenticeship would work. The reality of choosing her or the Death Eaters weighed heavy on his mind all the time. The reality that he was going to be a father in about eight months or so was something he just couldn't grasp at all. Lily was more excited than he was, but he could tell she was very frightened and nervous. He was too, but he didn't dare show or mention it. He wasn't a coward and refused to show anything that might make someone think it. He just didn't know how this would turn out and something told him this would not end well at all. All he wanted was for him to have his chance as a Death Eater, have Lily as his lover and for the potential baby to disappear because his life was pure hell right now. 

_26 January 1978_

Severus stood in the hallway reading the paper with Lily after lunch. 

“Anything interesting?” Lily closed her eyes and folded her arms across her stomach and tried to push back the sudden nausea. 

“Not really. There’s apparently a blizzard in some parts of the US. That’s probably the most interesting bit in the news. At least there’s no new news about the war. Are you okay?” He raised his forehead seeing her breathing in and out. 

“I don’t feel so well.” She admitted. “I shouldn’t have eaten that food. It sounded really good. I should have known better.” 

“What part sounded really good?” 

“The sauerkraut. I think I ate too much of it. Then I was afraid I’d feel sick, so I ate some bread-” She put the back of her hand to her mouth and bile started to rise up her throat. “Oh-I” she shook her head, “I gotta go.” She rushed towards the bathroom and ignored a couple fellow students in the bathroom and quieted the sound in the stall before she threw up, afraid of rousing suspicion. After a few minutes, she flushed the toilet a final time and grabbed some toilet tissue and dabbed her damp eyes. “Fuck” she mumbled to herself as she wiped the tears that had fallen as a result and sniffed. After another minute and not feeling as though she was going to be sick again, she unmuted the stall and left. 

At the sink, she slammed her hand on the side and gripped it tightly for a moment before she leaned over and splashed cold water on her face. After she stuck a peppermint in her mouth, she finally left the bathroom. Severus was waiting outside the bathroom for her. 

“Are you feeling any better?” 

She nodded, “I’m okay. I’m just never eating sauerkraut again.” 

He gave her a slight side smile and held out his hand, “Come on, we have to get to our classes if you feel up to it.” 

She sighed, “No, I don’t. I’d rather go back to bed, but I know I must pretend I’m fine, so off to classes I go.” 

He frowned and gulped. “Sorry. If I could make you feel better.” 

“It’s not all your fault,” she smiled at him. “Just a little bit.” With a heavy sigh, she followed him to their afternoon classes. 

_Later that day_

“Are you up for eating?” Severus asked. 

“I’m starving.” She grabbed her stomach. “I basically threw up my entire lunch earlier.” 

He cringed, “Hope you don’t your dinner too.” 

She grimaced, “I hope not.” 

He grinned, “I think I smell some roast chicken. Maybe potatoes.” 

“That sounds good. Maybe some veg too. Some green beans sound really good right now.” 

He smirked, “Hopefully not more sauerkraut.” 

She scrunched up her nose and frowned, “Ugh, no.” 

“What? Potatoes and sauerkraut don’t sound delicious together?” He teased. 

“No.” She groaned. “Please never mention it again.” 

He put his hands up, “Okay, won’t mention anymore. I don’t want to make you sick again. Let’s go see what they do have to eat.” 

_30 January 1978_

“Happy Birthday!” Several of her fellow Gryffindors bellowed as she exited the dorms. Lily jumped back with a gasp. 

“You’re 17!” Her dormmate Melody tossed some confetti at her. 

“Uh-yeah.” She tried to smile, but all she really wanted to do was get something to eat before she started to throw up again. “Thanks.” 

"You act so tired all the time anymore. You need to eat some more foods with iron or something-maybe you are anaemic?"

Lily knew she was not anaemic; the prenatal potions she was taking had lots of iron and folic acid in them. "I'm fine, really. Just a lot of homework lately.” 

"Well then, we got you some gifts.” She pointed to the table near the fire. “And Karen made a cake and we have some ice cream for tonight.” 

Lily thanked them but wished she could just eat some breakfast and go back to bed. “Ice cream sounds great.” To her surprise, cake sounded unappealing. The thought of eating it repulsed her though ice cream sounded delicious. 

While she opened her gifts and tried to sound enthusiastic, all she really wanted to do was go have breakfast and go back to bed. Pretending she felt great and everything was great was harder than she thought. 

_Early February 1978_

Lily laid in her bed, waiting for Beth to leave the bathroom. Lily was trying to fight back her nausea. She refused to throw up in front of anyone else. It would make them ill if she did for one and two, she knew they would probably send her to the Infirmary and she would possibly be given potions that were unsafe for her to consume right now and she did not want to let anyone, even Madam Pomfrey, know that was with child if she didn't have to.

When one of her roommates came out, Lily bolted into the bathroom before anyone else could. In her rush, she forgot to block the sound, and someone opened the door. Lily looked up with a gasp and saw Mary standing there, looking concerned.

"You're sick."

Before Lily could think of something to say, Mary spoke again. "Do you need to see Madam Pomfrey."

"No!" Lily said quickly, almost in a panic. "No, I'm fine-I-" Lily knew it was useless. Mary had just watched her puke and she couldn't tell her why she was sick. Besides, a day off would be nice. She could use one anyway to get some rest. She'd just work on the next chapters in her texts to catch up. "I just feel a little under the weather. It'll pass."

"I'll tell the professors you aren't well then. Do you want anything? Need anything before we go to our classes?"

Lily sighed, still feeling nauseated but willed herself to not vomit in front of Mary again. She shook her head. "I'll be fine. Just take the note in my potions book and give it to Severus. It's important." Lily shut her eyes a moment, trying to stop her waves of nausea. "Go on." Please, she thought, before I barf again.

"Okay." Mary looked confused.

"It's school stuff." Lily lied.

Mary shrugged with that and turned to leave. "I hope you feel better."

When Lily heard Mary leave, she let a sigh of relief.

Lily later left her dorm once she was sure it would be empty and went into the common room. It wasn't long before someone appeared from the portrait. It was Severus. He had gotten her message.

"No one is to know you have the password here." She grinned.

Severus smiled a little. "Mary told me you were sick." He sat down beside her and handed her a cup of something. "It's a tea for calming an upset stomach. Don’t worry, it’s safe to drink.” 

Lily took a sip. "It tastes like ginger and peppermint." She said and sighed. "I read that 20-30% of pregnant women don't get morning sickness."

"Oh." He was unaware of that fact.

"Guess what?" She asked calmly.

"What?"

"I'm not one of them." She laid her head against the couch.

He laughed.

"It's not funny." She said. "You aren't the one dealing with this shit. I'm the pregnant one."

"No, it's not funny that you are sick-just what you said-how you said it-was funny. You being ill is not funny."

Lily huffed. "I want to stop feeling sick. I'm tired of throwing up. I’m tired of being tired, but I guess that will never change now. Once the baby gets here, we won’t get any sleep again."

Severus gulped. There was nothing he could do to help her feel better. "I'm sorry."

"Why are you apologizing? It's not your fault completely."

"Well, you didn't get yourself pregnant."

Lily gave a little smile and sighed. "I never knew being pregnant was so hard. I just thought it was some sickness and tiredness and you get big and fat and swell some before going through horrifically painful labour."

"You have been sick and tired."

"Yeah, but my breasts also hurt, and no one talked about that and they don't tell you about the cramping in the stomach either."

"Cramping?"

Lily nodded. "My abdomen has been cramping. Like mild menstrual cramps. Apparently, it's because my uterus is growing-making room."

Severus was not aware of that but hated that she was in pain and feeling so sick. Lily huffed and looked at Severus. 

"I don't really like that I am pregnant, but we are going to be done with school shortly so we will be okay."

"We will be fine." Severus took her foot and began to massage it. "Your ankle's a little swollen."

Lily was surprised at this gesture, but as he rubbed her foot, she sighed. "That feels nice." She shut her eyes. "You know what?"

"What?"

"I'm glad that if I had to get pregnant, you were the one who got me this way."

Severus was shocked at that. "But you hate what I am doing-my friends and all."

"I hate that you still won't see that that man is dangerous. I don't want you to go that direction-I know you are better than that and can be more than that. I just wish you'd see it." Lily swallowed hard as she looked at him. He didn't answer.

Severus rubbed her foot. He heard her, but she did not understand it. He didn't need to impress her with the Death Eaters, but he still thought it would be impressive to show her the power and influence he could have with them. He also knew she would not want to be with him if he did join. 

"I don't want to argue about it, I just wish-I just wish you would see it-that you are not a bad person."

“I don’t think I will join them. My friends still expect me too though.” Severus sighed quietly. "So, have you had anything to eat today?"

Lily was silent a moment. "Yes. I ate some of those vanilla biscuits you saved from dinner a few nights ago. I need a large canteen of them. They have helped my upset stomach in the morning. I really had to pee this morning though and didn't bother with eating before I got out of bed and someone else was in the bathroom, so I had to wait. I got sick and Mary walked in because I forget to muffle the room. I guess she heard me vomiting and of course thought I had a bug. I couldn't tell her I was pregnant and-and that really feels good." She sighed as she relaxed. "You shouldn't have started that. I will be asking you for foot massages now."

Severus grinned slightly. "Fine by me."

"Can you imagine if it was Sirius or Peter who got me this way?" She shuddered at that.

"Or Potter." He shivered internally at the thought of any of them with her. 

Lily looked down at her tea. "At first, right after we-had our potion induced" She paused. "Fun."

"Sex." He let a grin form at his lips, briefly recalling that night.

"No need to be blunt." Lily said, holding back a grin unsuccessfully. "But yes." She sighed through her nose once. "Anyway, I did think it would have been better if it was James since he was my boyfriend at the time, but now-I'm glad it wasn't him. I can't be with a guy who refuses to even listen to my story. I've been consistent and Peter hasn't. It changes a little every time and ends up right back on me. He refuses to accept any responsibility for what he did to us."

"Well, it's not so bad. I may go up and thank him one day-maybe. After all, thanks to him I am not a virgin anymore, got to sleep with one of the most beautiful girls at our school and he helped us become friends again."

Lily blushed heavily at him calling her the most beautiful girl in the school. "I am not the most beautiful girl in this school."

"I think you are." He said softly.

Lily knew her face had gotten even redder. She opened her mouth to say something when she heard something hit the ground. They both turned and saw a wand bouncing at the foot of the stairs up to the boys' dormitory. The wand hit the floor and rolled about a foot before stopping when it hit the carpet. Severus instantly pulled out his wand. Lily’s breathing constricted. Someone was in the boys' dorm. Were they listening to their conversation?

"Who's there?" Lily shouted. No one answered and she did not expect them too. "Show yourself!"

She got out her own wand and slowly got to her feet with Severus. The next thing she knew, Severus's wand flew out of his hand and his legs locked together and he fell over. Lily gasped and whipped back around quickly, her wand pointed out, ready to strike back at whoever was in the room. She tried to undo Severus's hex, but was shot at with one in the process. It barely missed her, and she whisked back around. "Show yourself! Don't be a coward!" Lily called out.

"Coward?" A familiar voice called out. "I'm the coward when are hiding out with Snivellus instead of going to class!" From behind another couch, Sirius emerged.

Lily's brow furled up in anger. "Are you spying on us?"

"There isn't a rule against it at this school."

She huffed loudly and her forehead furled. "You were spying on us! You pompous, conniving little rat!"

"Uh, Peter’s the rat. I’m a dog, remember?” 

She moved closer and put her wand almost against his cheek with a gauff. “A dog indeed. You are loyal to the rat.” 

"I am loyal to good people. Certainly, better than Snivy here who wants to join up with the Death Eaters."

"I bet if you weren't so determined to rebel against your parents, you would be just like them-those Death Eaters and if you were a Slytherin-I have no qualms you would be ripe and ready to join them. You are certainly not any better in your behaviour as you have proven over and over to us." She turned to Severus and unhexed him before rounding back on Sirius. 

"Tsk, tsk, Lily. You really think that poorly of me and choose to trust a wannabe Death Eater over your friends? I think the hat was wrong when it sorted you into Gryffindor.” 

"The hat was not wrong about me. I do think he was wrong about your pathetic pal Peter."

Sirius ignored her, talking over her to her annoyance. "-maybe if you weren’t a muggle-born you’d be joining the ranks of You-Know-Who too and now James knows to stay away from whores like you!" Sirius tapped his wand in his hand as Severus edged to his wand. Lily pretended to not notice Severus inching closer to his wand and pushed her own wand into Sirius’s cheek. He flinched but didn’t stop talking. 

"Besides, why aren't the two of you in class? Saw Snivelly enter our tower as I was leaving for class. He was in our dorm alone with you. Curiosity won me over as to why he, a slimy snake, would enter our dorm. You are down here in your gown alone. He waltzes in and hands you a cup of tea and then sits beside you and begins to rub your feet. You-you are pregnant-you are expecting a child with Snivellus. I heard you." Sirius had a look of pure disgust on his face as he spoke the last sentence.

Severus shot a curse at Sirius just then and Sirius fell over like a board before he could strike back. Lily turned to see Severus getting to his feet.

"Are you okay?" Lily asked.

"I'm fine." He looked over at Sirius. "Come on, let's get out of here. We can go to my dorm. Sirius can't get in there."

Lily did not hesitate to leave, despite still being in her night robes.


	13. Cwellan Wambastarda

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lily and Severus grow closer, but a Valentine's Day trip to Hogsmeade leads to unexpected consequences.

Lily glanced around as she entered the Slytherin dorms. “You sure you won’t get in trouble?” she whispered. 

He shook his head but put his finger to his lips as he eyed around the common room. “Everyone should be in class.” He looked around the boys’ dorms and waved her up to the stairs. 

The lake lapped against the window in the dorm and she sighed. “I actually like this dorm. It seems quite relaxing to listen to the lake at night. Your mates are a bit messy though.” She pointed to the unmade bed at the other side of the room with clothes scattered around it. 

He scoffed, “Yeah, Rosier isn’t very tidy. Puts a lot of work on the house elves.” He sat down on his bed that was close to the door. “Sirius is going to tell everyone.” 

She folded her arms across her chest and shrugged as she looked out the window. “It’s his word against mine. I can deny it. There’s no evidence. At least not yet that I am pregnant.” 

Severus sighed. “He will tell everyone it’s me. When word gets out-” 

“It won’t. As said, there’s no proof.” 

“And then when your stomach starts getting larger?” 

“I told you I plan to just charm myself, so I don’t look it.” She took a heavy breath out of her nose. “I know they’ll find out I lied when two months after school ends, I suddenly have a baby, but at that point it doesn’t matter anyway.” She turned to face the window to watch the fish swimming by. “Right now, there’s no way I will ever admit to anything other than Pettigrew giving me a potion.” 

“Well, it’s easier for me unless someone does a heritage spell on it.” He paused, “But they’ll find out anyway when you have the kid and I’m involved.” 

“I really just wanted a nice, quiet final year. I never would have dreamed this was going to happen. Didn’t think my own supposed friend would do this to me. To us. You may have been a mistake on his part, but not me. He meant for this hell to happen to me.” She scoffed and shook her head. “Asshole. I mean what if everyone does believe Sirius over me? My entire dorm is going to hate me instead of Peter.” 

Severus shook his head, “No way they’d hate you and I guarantee some of them would believe you over Black. Besides, if your friends are really your friends, they should have your back.” 

Just as she started to speak, they heard footsteps approaching. They both gasped and Lily’s stomach jumped up into her chest as the door opened. She mentally cursed at the sight of Avery. 

“What are you doing here?” Severus asked quickly. 

He glanced between them in surprise. “I could ask you the same thing. What are you doing with her instead of in class?” 

Severus cleared his throat, “Well, um, we just had a little problem. A Gryffindor problem.” 

Avery scoffed, “Um, yeah, you do, she’s standing right there.” 

Lily scowled and glared daggers Avery’s direction. “Go screw yourself.” 

His eyes got wide for a moment and then he smirked. “Well that wouldn’t do you any good, would it?” 

She scoffed, “Only ever in your dreams, Avery.” 

“Knock it off, Avery.” Severus said through gritted teeth, “We just have a little Black and Pettigrew issue we are trying to resolve.” 

Avery grinned, “What’d they do now? Try and curse your mudblood pal?” 

“I asked you not to call her that.” He said again through gritted teeth. “No, they are just spreading rumours.” 

Avery walked by and stood next to Lily. “I just forgot my book for the next class.” He put his hand on her chest and nearly touched her breasts. She shoved it off quickly and put her hand to her pocket that held her wand. They glared at each other a moment. “You know you want it. I know your buddy Severus does.” He glanced down at her chest. “Can’t say I blame him that much.” 

She glowered at him. “Touch me again,” she hissed, “and I will curse you into next week. Don’t you think I won’t either.” 

With a final glare, Avery turned to Severus who was scowling at him. “Hey, no one said we can’t fuck some hot mudbloods. I know I would.” He made a lewd gesture. 

Lily rolled her eyes, “That’s entirely too long for that inevitable one inch of yours.” 

Avery scowled at her with a deep huff. “You filthy little-”

“Why don’t you just get out of here.” Severus snapped and refused to let him finish that sentence. Severus put his hand to his wand pocket and seethed internally.

“Hey, it’s my dorm too.” Avery turned to Severus. “But I will be leaving. Toodaloo.” With a final glower at between Avery and Lily, Avery left the dorm. 

“Forget him. He won’t say anything, trust me. Sorry he’s a right arse at times. He shouldn’t talk to you that way. I do think you pissed him off though.” 

Lily gave a half smile at him. “Thanks, and I hope I pissed the sorry git right off.” She sighed. “I guess we really should go prepare for the next class.”

“You feeling up for that?” 

She shook her head, “No, but it’s not going to get better for a few more weeks so may as well push through.” 

He put his arm around her shoulder and rubbed it. “Come on then. Forget Sirius and Peter and Avery for today and just focus on yourself. The gits aren’t worth you stressing yourself out over.” 

They left the Slytherin dorms before anyone arrived for the break. 

_Valentine's Day_

Lily went to breakfast. She was single this year, but pregnant, which wasn't much fun, especially since the smell of bacon made her nauseous. She sampled some fruit, hoping something in her stomach would make it settle. She wondered how long the puke feeling would last and how much longer she had to deal with it. Lily thought about her mother, whom she was afraid to ask. She had yet to gather up the courage to write to her mother and tell her that she was pregnant for fear of what her mother would say. Regardless of the reasons why or how, she was afraid her mother wouldn't understand because she didn't understand how powerful potions were and how it rendered the person out of control.

She just wanted to not feel like she was going to barf again and get out of school for good so she could have a life again. All she wanted to do anymore was eat, vomit and sleep. She had to pee all the time too and was always tired. She was hungry one minute, puking the next. She was pissed off at nothing one moment and in tears over nothing the next. It was driving her crazy and she wondered if it would get easier once she moved to the next phase of pregnancy. For some reason she doubted it would get easier as she would likely start gaining weight and eventually people would begin to wonder why her robes were getting tighter around her middle. 

Lily went to the common room after breakfast to rest before she was forced to go to Hogsmead this afternoon. Someone whistled for attention and she looked up to see Sirius standing on top of a table. Everyone from third year up was in the common room and it was rather crowded. 

"Since it's Valentine's Day, I propose a toast to all the lovely couples here today."

Lily rolled her eyes and looked back at her book.

"I've got a lovely girlfriend, but my best mate needs one and he is willing to consider any girl in this room to go with him to Hogsmead today."

She watched several girls raise their hands eagerly. She suppressed the strong urge to roll her eyes and call Sirius out for being a dickhead.

"Lots of takers. You want to know why my friend doesn't have a girlfriend to go with?"

She quickly turned at that, but before she could even shut her book or say anything, he smirked at her and spoke.

"Because Lily Evans, your model head girl, cheated on him."

The whole room gasped into silence, even the younger boys and then she heard some whispering all around. Lily’s face grew hot as she tried to think of a response to Sirius that would be nasty and appropriate to the occasion.

"You want to know who she cheated with?"

Lily got out her wand.

"She decided to get drunk and spend the night with-"

Sirius never finished that sentence because Lily had hexed his tongue to the roof of his mouth.

Lily got up with her hand pointed in Sirius's face and her eyes glaring accusingly toward him. "When I unhex your tongue, you will tell everyone exactly what happened with Peter!"

Sirius shook his head.

Lily looked at him, her eyes slits. "Fine." She said coolly. "Then I will do it for you all." She turned to everyone. "Peter over there thought it would be a lovely thing if James and I had a night together and was too stupid to think before he acted and screwed up and mixed up the potion with a lust potion instead and mixed James's bottle with someone else's. Now Sirius and James want to defend him. I won't take the blame for anything that's not my fault.” 

Before anyone could say anything, she stormed out of the common room. She didn't dare listen to any of the voices whispering and she didn't dare look back.

_That afternoon_

Lily walked with Severus through Hogsmead. By lunch, the whole school had learned that she had apparently cheated on James and lots of odd rumours were being spread already about who it was with and where and when and how it happened. The biggest one being that she was drunk and had screwed Lionel Milson, head boy of Ravenclaw, in the head girl's shower stall. Sirius kept saying that it was with Severus Snape in her dorm during the break, but many didn't believe that, and she was glad they didn't because Severus stayed out of trouble. Lionel was a rather attractive man and one of the top students of their year in academics, so it seemed more believable to them apparently. Lily had cut Sirius off any time he tried to suggest she was pregnant, so no one had yet to find out. 

"You think when it gets to the Professors they'll treat me different? Maybe kick me or both of us out?" She asked.

"No. I doubt it. If they believe it's with Lionel they will let it go. If they discover I was the one who fucked you-then who knows."

"They won't kick me out for being pregnant, will they? If I want to stay. I'm so close-just a little more than four months and it will be all be over, and they can protect their reputation."

Severus touched her back. She sighed. He was the only person she could trust right now and the only person she desired to be around anymore. She knew that as much as she didn't want to believe it, she had strong feelings for him that overwhelmed her at times and made her feel sick to her stomach. Looking at him gave her butterflies. She certainly felt them right now. The situation had made them grow closer because he was the only person who truly understood what she was going through. He couldn't understand physically what her body was going through, but the situation and hostility was something they were both facing.

"It'll be fine, Lily. You have such good rapport with the professors that you will be okay. Just never admit that I am the father of it and things will be dandy for you."

"I can't claim Lionel is the dad when he's not. He's got a girlfriend and that's not fair to either of them."

"I didn't say to claim Lionel, just don't ever say it's me. I suggest neither confirming nor denying anyone."

Lily sighed. "I know-I'm just nervous."

"I know." He wanted to say, 'me too', but didn't.

She took his hand and he tensed up in surprise at her loving gesture.

"You are holding my hand? People are going to think-"

"We are a couple? Is that a problem?" Lily asked with a little smirk.

"No-of course not, but if we want to lay low-"

"I can do what I please and no one is here anyway. 

"Couple?" He asked. Was she saying she they were a couple? 

"I'd say you'd make a suitable one-boyfriend, that is." She took him toward the shrieking shack and into some trees out of sight.

"What are you doing?"

She smiled and ran her hand through his hair. "I just want to thank you properly."

He looked at her. He didn't know what she was saying, but something told him he was going to like it. "What?"

Before he could say anything else, her lips were over his. He was shocked when she removed them.

She smiled at him and tucked a lock of her hair back, her body dangerously close to his still. "Thanks."

"For what?"

"Everything."

Severus figured she was going to leave him here, but she didn't move and seemed as if she was hesitating on saying something or moving herself away from him. He refused to let her get away so fast, his heart racing and his body pulsating. He placed his lips over hers. She didn't pull away. He heard her moan slightly and that desire he had for her had come back all over again, wanting her body to be so close that he would inside of her. Her hand slid to his back and he put his free hand on her hip. 

As his lips pressed on hers, Lily could feel herself melting in her desire. She didn't dare move. She hoped to get more than a kiss from him, her desires for him haunting her since that night. Oh, how she wanted another night like that all over again and an even better night because it wouldn't the first time and they knew ways to satisfy the other now. She moved her hands to his back, tempted to grab his buttocks and stick her hands up his robes. She desired to feel him where it counted and get him hard and horny. At that moment, she had a fantasy of taking him to that old shack and not leaving until tomorrow. No one would miss them anyway.

Severus was tempted very strongly to get her on the ground and make love to her as hard as he could and have her make love back for as long as she wanted. He desired her so strongly, he wondered if he must be under that silly potion again, but he wasn't. He wasn't crazy and he wanted to shag her in a way that was just as strong as before but held back. He dared to move his hand up and touch her breasts. He heard her groan slightly as he did. Her hands started to slide from his buttocks to his legs and he realized she was moving up his robes.

"It's awful cold. You want to go somewhere and warm up-together." She asked as she kissed down his neck.

He grinned. He wondered if he had dosed on the luck potion instead of a love one-maybe both. Lily wanted to sleep with him on Valentine's Day. Did it get any better than that? "Our clothes are a bit damp too-we should go somewhere warm and take them off and find ways to keep warm while they dry."

Lily couldn't believe she was agreeing to this, but she wanted it again so bad, her pelvis ached and throbbed for it. It was Valentine's Day. It was the perfect day to have another lovely shagging without any potion and she would be content to do it for as long as he wanted. It would make what started off as a crappy day into a lovely one. "I know somewhere we can go to-warm each other up. No one will miss us."

Lily took his hand and started to guide him away from the woods, but before they were out, he kissed her lips hard and she fervently kissed his back. They ended up on the ground instead with snow biting their bare legs as their robes rode up in their heated passion, but neither cared. She was enjoying the moment of making out with him and she would get to the old shack in a few moments for the more intimate things she desired to do with him. Having already been so intimate with him before, it was easy to do this all again.

They were so steeped in their affection they were unaware of approaching guests until they heard a twig crack. They were startled apart. She gasped.

"I knew it! I knew it was him you slept with! You were about to shag again too! How long has this been going on?" James spoke with his wand out and his hand shaking with rage. "Were you doing this the entire time we dated?"

"No. I told you already."

Severus gripped his wand through his pocket, waiting for the right moment to strike.

Sirius and Peter came out from behind the trees, but Lupin was not anywhere to be found.

"Likely knew what they were up to and ran off to pretend he wasn't involved-the coward." Severus thought.

James went for the strike and missed just slightly. Severus immediately attempted to get rid of Potter's wand. He'd show the arse. They were quickly engaged in a duel. Lily somehow ended up in the middle of it, trying to fight off Sirius and James's strikes toward them. Others joined the fold and a few people struck at them as well.

"Locomotor mortis!" Lily shouted at Sirius and a curse whipped by her that wasn't from Potter or Black.

Sirius shot something Lily couldn't hear toward Severus and she deflected it back at him, but he ducked just in time and it hit the tree nearby. Something hissed and flew away from the tree, squawking at them. Soon Black was slashed by a spell and Potter was hit with a leg lock, but both quickly regained their composure and struck back. 

Severus was trying to fight off James and Sirius and ended up on the ground, choking on soap bubbles. Before Lily could do anything, she heard a strange curse from someone in the crowd.

"Cwellan Wambastarda!"

The curse hit her stomach. She gasped. Sudden sharp pains hit her in the abdomen and brought her to her knees. A light layer of fluffy snow went up her robes and her already raw, bare legs stung at the cold, causing her to cringe and shiver this time.

Severus undid the hex on him and looked over at Lily and gasped. He got to his feet and swore at Black and Potter before hurrying over to Lily. "What's wrong?"

"They hit my stomach."

He could tell she had been injured, but he hoped she only had the wind knocked out of her and nothing serious had happened. "Which one?"

"I don't know. Someone over there." She pointed straight ahead. "Said something weird-cwell wam tarda-bastarda or something."

Severus glared at the crowd, who was laughing and jeering. James and Sirius had rushed over to her as well, but neither were laughing. 

“Lily! Are you okay?” James asked. 

Severus turned to curse them both out, but he stopped short once he saw how horrified they both looked. Sirius was glancing around with a deep frown with his wand pointed outward as if ready to strike. 

James knelt with Severus and Lily as she cried out in pain while clutching her stomach. She stuck her hand under her robes and when she removed it, there was blood on her fingers. Lily stared at it, shaking. Severus and James’s eyes both grew wide and both gasped. 

“Bastard!” Severus clenched his fists and started to get up with his wand gripped so tight in his hand he could have snapped it. “I’ll kill ‘em.” 

James put a hand on Severus’s shoulder and looked into Severus’s eyes. Severus glared at him, but before he could say anything, James shook his head. “We’ll find who did this. We’ll get the bastard. You worry about Lily.” 

Severus started to protest, but the shock in James’s eyes stopped him. Severus nodded, “Don’t be a hero, Potter Just get revenge. Come on, Lily, let's get out of here. Let's go home.” 

He held out his hand to her and she nodded and got to her feet. Her stomach still ached from the hit. "What if damaged-what if-”

He kept a straight face. "You want to see Pomfrey?"

She shook her head. "No-yes-I don't know."

They left the area as the others had begun to either scatter or just stand there in shock. James and Sirius had taken off in two different directions on a witch hunt. The crowd quieted as Lily and Severus disappeared into the trees. As they left the village, Lily couldn't take it.

"I have to stop. I don't feel well. I think I'm going to be sick." She walked away from him, trying to stop her terrible nausea. Bile ran up her throat and she couldn't stop it. She threw up.

Severus hurried over. "Are you okay?" He asked, rubbing her upper back.

She shook her head. "No-no, I'm not okay." She clutched her stomach with a grimace. 

"Let's get to the castle quickly and see what Madam Pomfrey can do."

She continued to become ill along the walk back-throwing up little more than bile because nothing was in her stomach. It was making him feel sick and he wasn't very squeamish.

She suddenly stopped again with a pained look on her face and she was nearly waddling now.

"Lily, we need to get help. This is bad. Whatever that curse was did damage internally. We can't stop."

Lily was trying to fight back tears. "I can't go any further. I need a bathroom."

"You've already thrown up about six times. Just puke again and let's go."

"No, I really need to use the bathroom. I have to pee-really bad."

"We aren't near a bathroom."

Lily shook her head. "I need one now. I can't make it to the castle."

"Go then. Just hurry."

She didn't like the idea, but she was desperate. "You've got to be joking." She huffed. Screw it, she didn't care. "Fine. Just wait a minute."

He sighed and waited while she went into the trees. "It's not like I haven't seen that side of you, no one's around, just squat. We need to get you to the castle. I'll carry you if I have too."

Lily attempted a smile without retching. "I prefer more privacy."

Severus huffed as he waited for her to answer nature's call. She looked even more pale and more tired than normal when she came back to the road. As they walked on, her legs became shaky and walking grew more and more difficult. Severus figured she was probably a bit dehydrated. He took her around the waist and held her close, ready to catch her if she collapsed. He would carry her if she couldn't walk anymore, but they had to get back.

Lily couldn't take another step. "I can't go any further. I need to sit down." She sat on the ground. He knelt to her. “I’m still bleeding.” 

Severus saw her eyes fill with tears and her body had begun to shake. She gripped her stomach again and cried out in pain. He knew he didn't have time to waste. She needed help now. "Get on." He said, pointing to his back.

"I can't. I'll get blood all over you." She said in a quiet sob.

"I don't care. It'll wash-just come on."

Lily unsteadily got to her feet with his help, feeling light-headed and got on his back. He carried her the rest of the way to the castle. Neither said much along the way. Neither dared say what they thought was happening.


	14. Nothing Gold Can Stay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lily deals with the aftermath of the curse.  
> Warning: Miscarriage discussion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Updates will be slow over the next couple of weeks. Coronavirus has been affecting my area, though schools are still open at this time. I am fine for now and hope all my readers stay safe and healthy and wash your hands well and often.

_"Nature's first green is gold, her hardest hue to hold.  
Her early leaf's a flower, but only so an hour.  
Then leaf subsides to leaf, so Eden sank to grief.  
So dawn goes down to day, nothing gold can stay."  
~Robert Frost (1929)_

Lily gripped Severus's robes as he carried her to the castle. Her hands were shaking so hard that she was shaking him. He wasn't saying anything, and she didn't know what to say either. She didn't know how to feel right now. If she was losing the pregnancy, it was someone else's fault. A surge of anger ran through her as she thought about that and she clasped his robes with a great force.

"Lily-Lily, you're choking me." He said, breathing hard as he tried to carry her. She weighed less than he did, but she wasn't exactly light either.

"Sorry." She mumbled, easing her hold on him. "I don't feel well."

"You need to throw up again?"

"I don't think so. I just feel sick."

"You want me to stop for a second?"

She shook her head. "I need to use the bathroom again." She mumbled.

"Again?" He shook his head. He would swear she had to go every hour anymore.

"Yes."

"We're at the castle, can you wait?"

She saw the castle come into view and nodded. "Yes, I think I'll be okay. I just need to get to the bathroom."

He sighed. He carried her to the castle doors and then let her down and held onto her as they entered the building. Severus cringed at the sight of the blood that had run down her legs. 

"I want to go to the head bathroom-it's more private." She looked at his back and he was covered in blood. She choked. 

"Okay."

He helped her walk to the bathroom. Blood dripped on the floor and he cleaned it along the way so no one would have to see it. They made it to the bathroom, and she went into a stall. He washed his hands that were covered in blood from carrying her and helping her to the lavatory. Her robes were stained with blood and his were too.

He wanted to blast the sink in his anger over what had happened. He wanted to know who it. He was not going to let whoever caused to get away with it. It wasn't their right. It was terrible to do that to her and his mind began to race at who was all around when it happened and who would have shot that terrible curse at her. It had to be someone who was into the dark arts or at least knew some of them-maybe a future Death Eater, but he could not recall seeing any of them there when it happened.

Lily sat on the toilet, feeling sudden sharp and intense pains in her abdomen. She could feel the blood gush out of her. She had never felt pains as bad as this before. They made her cry out and she made herself shut up so Severus wouldn't become worried.

Severus heard her crying in pain and sobbing as if she was really hurting. He needed to get her help. "Lily?"

"What?" She asked softly, her voice shaky. She tried to breath in through her nose and out of her mouth, hoping it might help her calm down.

"I'm going to get help. I'll be right back-I promise."

Lily didn't want him to leave her, but she trusted him to come back. "Just hurry."

"I will, just take it easy." He left the bathroom and hurried to the hospital wing. Some first- and second-year students had come out of a class and watched him, and he could only imagine how he looked, but he didn't care. He entered the wing as Madam Pomfrey was coming out of her office.

"Madam." He spoke to get her attention his direction.

She turned and looked at him. Her jaw dropped slightly, and her eyes grew wide. "What happened?"

"My girlfriend-she's hurt-was hurt-someone sent her a curse-she needs help."

"What curse?"

"Some dark one-cwellan wambastarda."

She looked confused and it was obvious she didn't know that one. "Where is she?"

"The bathroom-head one-she's in a lot of pain and has been vomiting. She's bleeding heavily."

"Take me to her." She got a bag and followed him to the bathroom.

Lily heard Severus leave and put her face into her shaky hands. This was not happening. How could someone do this to her? Why would they do it? How did they even know she was pregnant to strike her stomach? After another moment in the stall, she forced herself to get up and stumbled over to the shower stall. She could barely grip her wand to turn on the water before nearly collapsing inside with her robes still on. She trembled and sighed with relief as the hot water pelted against her cold body. After a couple minutes, she removed the robes and wrung them out. Her knickers were saturated with blood and she removed them, and tears filled her eyes as she attempted to scrub it out. Lily’s lips trembled and she tried to hold back the sobs that threatened to leave. Finally, she just threw her knickers out with the robes and laid against the shower wall in a foetal position as she clutched her throbbing abdomen. 

He heard a shower running when he entered and saw Lily's robes by the stall. "Lily?"

Lily sat in the shower stall, trying to scrub the dried blood off her legs. "In the shower." She said, breathing hard from the pain and exhaustion.

Severus went to the shower and opened the stall. Lily was uneasy and quickly tried to cover her breasts with her arms and pulled her legs closer to her stomach to cover her privates though she didn't know why. Severus had already seen her without any clothes on and Pomfrey was the nurse/healer.

He saw Lily sitting in the shower completely naked and got a sudden vision of Lily in the shack, making love to him like they should be doing right now. Instead, she was injured by a dark curse of some type. She was still bleeding a lot too. It just pissed him off even more.

Pomfrey kneeled to her. "Okay, dear, what happened?"

"We were-talking, and a couple boys our year-started to duel him and I tried to stop them and others came and were firing hexes and things. Then someone shot a curse at me and it hit my stomach."

"Cwellan Wambastarda." Severus said.

“Are you currently menstruating?” 

She shook her head, “No, ma’am.” 

"When was the first day of your last cycle?"

"December 8." Lily mumbled.

Her eyes looked at Lily suspiciously. "Are you pregnant?"

Lily really didn't want to admit it, but she had to. "Yes-was anyway."

"You are pregnant? You're about" Madam Pomfrey appeared to be thinking. "Nine weeks pregnant, almost ten?"

Lily nodded.

"Do you know who the father is? Was it consensual?"

Lily looked at Severus, who gave a shrug. Lily gave a quick nod.

"I do. He is. It was sort of consensual."

"Sort of?"

"We were both under a potion at the time. It wasn't either of our faults. He didn't rape me if that's what you think. He didn't even coerce me. It was consensual under the potion."

The nurse nodded but said nothing and put her hand on Lily's abdomen. "I'm going to need you to turn off the water so I can see inside of you without getting soaked, okay?"

Severus shut off the water with his wand so Lily wouldn't have to bother.

"I need you to move your legs apart so I can have a look."

She blushed and pulled her legs closer in. Though she had done this before, it made her uneasy. 

"Just relax. It’s like the yearly exams. You want him to leave?"

"No." Lily said quickly. She didn't want to be left alone right now at all. "It's fine-I need him-want him here, please don't make him leave."

Lily slowly opened her legs to let the lady look at her. Madam Pomfrey sighed. "I need you to stay calm and stay here. I'll be back in about fifteen minutes or so."

Lily watched her leave. Severus kneeled to her outside of the stall.

"We lost it." She swallowed hard. "It's over." She knew she sounded too calm. 

"No," Severus said, taking her hand. "You didn't lose it. It's not your fault." He ran his thumb over her the top of her hand. "Do you need anything?"

Lily sniffed. "I want my mum." She said it very soft, but right now that was who she wanted to talk to more than anyone.

Severus’s heart sank a little at that. "I can't give you your mum. She can't come here."

"I know-I just-I want her." Her eyes grew wet again.

He moved closer to her inside of the stall and she laid her head on his lap. He ran his hand over her hair and pulled it back from her face. He held her close. She put her hand on his robed thigh and twisted a loose thread in her finger. Severus wasn't her mother, but at least she wasn't completely alone in this.

Intense, sharp pains hit her again and she grabbed at her stomach. She wanted this to stop. "How long until it's over?"

Severus shook his head. "I don't know. I wish I did" He hated seeing her in so much pain and the blood that poured out of her made him feel terrible. He just wanted it to end too.

Finally, Madam Pomfrey came back with someone else and Lily and Severus could recognize the voices of Dumbledore, McGonagall and Slughorn outside of the lavatory.

"Everyone knows." Lily said in shock. Here she thought she would get a lovely day and night with Severus again and now she was having a miscarriage and the whole school would soon know she was pregnant. Her life as she knew it was over. Everything was happening so fast and her heart became heavy. Nothing good ever lasted. It was then that she realized that she was starting to get used to the idea of having a baby and now it was gone. 

"Miss Evans, this is Healer Willow from St. Mungo's. She wants to ask you some questions, okay?"

Lily nodded. The bushy, blonde-haired woman kneeled to Lily. "So, you are almost 10 weeks pregnant? And you aren't married?"

Lily shook her head. "No."

"So, you are having an illegitimate child?"

"Yes."

"How was this child conceived?"

"Love and lust potion." Lily said. "On both of us."

"What sort of love potion?"

"We don’t know." Severus answered. "We think maybe No.5. It happened after we drank some butterbeers at a meeting before the holidays.” 

"After you drank some butterbeers?” Willow raised an eyebrow. “Can you explain the details of that day?” 

"What does that have to do with the curse?" Lily asked.

"We are trying to find out."

Lily told her what they knew about the incident. She didn't go into any detail of their night together but said they had slept together. She also mentioned who they think did it to them. 

"Does anyone have a reason to be really mad at you? Any of your friends, young man?"

"Well, they don't like Lily because of her blood status, but I don't think it was them. I don't even think they were around. One was in detention-Mulciber and he would be the most likely candidate. Avery and Rosier had dates and wanted their alone time so I am sure they weren't even around. Travers is unlikely too. He's not exactly the most intelligent person-I don't even know how he made it through school at all. He was probably women watching in the shops. I only saw him once today."

"You're a muggleborn?" The healer asked her.

"Yes, ma'am."

"Okay. Well, let's have a look at you."

Lily let the woman look at her uncomfortably. "I'm afraid you did lose your pregnancy, or I should say you are in the middle of miscarrying it. The curse did the job it was meant to do I'm afraid and I am very, very sorry you had this happen to you, dear." She patted Lily's knees.

"What do you mean?" Lily asked in shock.

"Cwellan means to kill. Wamb is an old way of saying interior or womb and bastarda is bastard so the curse is an ancient dark one to kill illegitimate children. It's almost never used and has been deemed illegal because of the damage it can cause and our world is small enough that we don't need people purposely killing foetuses just because they were conceived out of wedlock."

"So, someone intentionally killed my baby, our baby to be?" Lily asked, trying to process it all in her mind.

"I'm afraid that's exactly it.” 

Severus let go of Lily's hair and clenched his fists. Someone would pay for doing this to her. He would see to it when he found out. "What sort of damage can it cause?"

"Well, it can cause the person, not always, but sometimes damages the reproductive organs rendering the woman infertile. That's why it's been banned."

Lily swallowed hard and felt like someone had punched her in the stomach and knocked the wind out of her. "Are you saying I will never have a baby-because of this?"

The woman touched Lily's arm as a comfort. "Your organs don't appear to have sustained much damage. Just one of your fallopian tubes a little bit. It is fixable though and you are still so young. You don't appear to be infertile so I would just take it easy. The long-term effects vary. People do go on and have healthy wizard and witch babies even after having it done on them, so don't worry." 

"How soon can I start trying again?"

"Oh, I'd give it a couple months-at least until you have a regular cycle again, but don't rush anything. Give yourself time to process and grieve if you need to. This was forced upon you despite the tough situation you are in and that can be very difficult."

“I’m-I’m not having another, I just wondered.” Lily sat up and gripped her stomach in pain. She hissed and cried out slightly because it hurt so badly. Severus put his hand on her bare back. The healer went through her bag and blood gushed out of her to her disgust. She couldn't take much more of this.

"Here, sweetie. Drink this." She handed Lily a flask of yellowish green liquid. "It will help get rid of the pain. Then I want you to drink this up." She held a flask of a thick brown liquid that looked like melted chocolate. "It will help you expel the foetus faster-within a couple hours this will all be over, but it will make you sick."

Lily shook her head. "I don't want to throw up anymore."

"Oh, it won't make you vomit. It will liquefy your bowels."

Lily knew she looked disgusted.

"I know it's not pleasant, but it will only last about an hour. Just stay near a toilet. It won't be too bad-we just need to clean you out so you can miscarry completely and quickly."

Lily drank both potions uneasily. She just wanted all this to be over. No, she wanted this to never have happened in the first place.

"I am going to leave you here for a few minutes. Is the young lad going to stick around?"

Severus nodded. "Of course."

"I am going to get some things. To start with, I want to get some fluids down you because you are already dehydrated from vomiting. I also need to get some potion to increase your blood, so you won't lose too much of it and become anaemic, okay?"

Lily just nodded once. What else could she do? She was just numb and wasn't sure how she felt now. She didn't know whether to scream or cry or get angry or upset or laugh. She thought about laughing-she was losing her mind. Nothing was funny about this at all, but that was why she wanted to laugh. She wanted to feel happy and knew she probably would not be happy again for a while. She should be happy right now instead. 

"This is the worst Valentine's Day ever. We should be alone making love to each other right now-not here in the bathroom shower stall with me pouring blood and losing the baby."

Severus sighed. "I know."

"I wanted to have sleep with you-I wanted to do that again. Now" She couldn't go on without bringing herself to tears.

"I know, but we will have to do that another day instead. We have all the time in the world. I'm not going anywhere. When this is all over, we can have our evening and night again. We will go to the shack and make love until we are sick of it."

Lily smiled at him. That was a pleasant thought, but it wouldn't be as easily possible as it was today and it wasn't Valentine's Day, the biggest love day of the year, that they would be doing it on next time. At least he was trying to get her mind on something else lovely though. It worked.

Severus and Lily heard voices outside of the door to the bathroom. Severus and Lily only heard bits of the conversation, but they could hear "forced her to abort her child" "illegal-prison if of age" "Expulsion from school."

Lily gasped and hoped that was for who did this to them and not them for sleeping together in the castle and producing a child.

Severus heard her and rubbed her arm. "It's not us-it's the person who did this to you, Lily. They deserve what they have coming to him. You heard the Healer-that's a banned dark spell. For a good reason too. It's not their right-wasn't their right at all."

"It wasn't. It was mine-ours even, but not theirs. They stole the chance from us. They killed our coming child." It was suddenly harder to see outside the stall as her eyes blurred with tears. "It's not fair." She said in a slight sob.

McGonagall entered the bathroom. Severus was uneasy about that.

"Lily? I need to ask you a few questions as well."

Lily looked up at her and nodded. The shower stall was mostly closed now and Severus had his arms over her breasts to cover them anyway so at least she was not exposing herself to her.

"You said you were with him, Mr. Snape, when you were attacked by Mr. Potter and Mr. Black?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"Potter and Mr. Black tell me that you two were alone when they arrived. Were you two, mating-at the time?"

"Not completely-we were kissing though."

"They claim the three of them-Potter, Black and Mr. Snape were in a duel and you were trying to stop them. They said someone yelled out a strange, unknown curse and claim they don't know who, but I think they know, but are afraid to tell me."

"I don't know who, I just heard it and then I was hit in the stomach."

McGonagall seemed to ponder this. "Thank you."

When she left, Lily grabbed her stomach and got up. "I'll be back." She mumbled and hurried to the toilet, shutting the stall. 

Severus stood up and tried to scrub some of the blood off his robes. As he began to rinse out the shower, Lily weakly said his name. 

“Can you get me a bowl or trash can?” He cursed and hurried to her. He handed her a small trash can as she dry-heaved. She was shaking so hard she could barely hold the can. He pulled her hair out of her face and cringed a little as she miserably dry-heaved until she vomited. She cursed as she wiped her mouth. It was not going to help her if she couldn’t keep the potions down. If she wasn’t so miserable she would be horrified that he was seeing her in this state. 

_Three hours later_

Lily cried out, tears streaming down her face from the pain along with beads of sweat. It was so intense it had made her throw up more than once. Severus had his arm around her under her breasts. He held a drink in the other hand. She was shivering yet sweat dotted her forehead. He tipped the drink to her and she moaned and pushed it away.

"You need to drink it." He said coolly. "You need to stay hydrated."

"I can't-it makes me feel sick." She wanted to stop vomiting and feeling all the horrible pain already.

He sighed, his robes soaked from the shower that had been off and on. He hadn't left her side and his legs were stiff despite moving them around a little.

"Your bleeding has stopped for the past 15 minutes so let's have a look again."

Lily let her look. She was so exhausted she didn't care about anything and just wanted to go to sleep for a long time. It was all she could do to keep her eyes open. 

"Okay." The lady took a breath through her nose and gave Lily a sad look. "It's over."

All she could do was nod. Severus could feel her shaking under his arms. She laid back down against Severus’s chest. 

"It's okay. It'll be okay." The healer said in an attempt to reassure her. "We'll figure out who sent the curse. You really don't have damage so if you want to eventually have a child, you shouldn't have too much trouble, okay?"

A lump caught in her throat. Over, it was over. The woman touched her arm and gave it a soft squeeze.

"It's okay. You'll get through it."

"It's gone." She said in a sob. "I'm not pregnant anymore. It’s over."

"No." The lady said and rubbed her arm a little. "I am truly very sorry."

Lily’s lips quivered and her throat clenched as her eyes blurred. She tried her best to not be upset, but she was faltering.

"Let's get you cleaned up and to the hospital wing so you can recover physically from this."

The lady left them alone. Severus cleaned his robes and himself quickly. Lily washed up in a hurry and more carelessly. Severus helped her to her feet, and she leaned against the outside of the stall trying to summon up the energy to put on her robes. Instead she collapsed to her knees too weak to stand up. 

"I don't have any underpants." She mumbled. "Covered in blood."

"Don’t worry about it."

Severus and the Healer practically carried her to the wing. She was changed into clean hospital robes and laid on a clean bed. The healer made her drink something that tasted tangy and sweet. 

"It's a little something that will help your blood sugar and coat your stomach. I need you to drink as much as you can because you are quite lethargic.”

Severus sat next to Lily on the bed and put his arm over her. He knew she was upset and watched as a tear rolled down her cheek. He wished he could think of something to say to help her, but everything seemed futile. 

"It's my fault."

"Lily-"

"I didn't want it. I didn't want the baby-I didn't want a baby right now-no-t" She choked, not able to go on.

"No, that's not-if that's the case, then it's my fault too. I don't-didn't want it either. I thought it was ruining everything. I'm sorry for thinking about it. I didn't actually want it to die-I just wanted it to go away."

Lily clasped her hands over his and gripped them tight. "So, did I-I just didn't-us-everything-my mum-your parents-I don't know, but I was getting used to it. I take it all back."

Severus felt her hands squeezing his with a forceful grip. 

"I don't want it to be over. I want to be pregnant again."

Severus’s heart dropped to his stomach at her desperation. She couldn't have it back and he realized this was going to be a lot harder on her then he thought. She was going to have to grieve for this. It didn't matter how he felt, that was not anyone's right. It was not right at all for anyone to take that potential away from them. It was his problem and Lily's, not anyone else's and it was not their decision to make. It was their decision, his and Lily's; it was their child to come.

It suddenly hit him that all his worry and concern and anger were needless now. Lily was not pregnant anymore and for some reason that reality hit him harder than he thought it would. Maybe because he'd had a month to accept it and knew he would have to help her. Regardless of why, it was over, and someone had caused it to end in purpose. There wasn't anything wrong with the foetus that caused Lily to miscarry. It wasn't them aborting it on their own. He was ticked off about that and couldn't let it go.

"I want to have another baby." She said suddenly, fraught in her own grief.

"What?" He surely misheard her.

"I want another one. I want to be pregnant again. That's all I want right now. I won't complain about being sick or moody or making me swell or cramp or anything-I just-I want it back. I want a baby." She tried to not burst into tears, her throat clenching in her own grief.

He held her closer to him. "Lily, you know that's a terrible idea."

"I know, I just-I don’t want another, I really just-I want it back." She caught a sob as a sudden horrible thought entered her mind. "What if they tried to do it again to me? If I ever got pregnant again. What if they tried again?” 

"If you ever get pregnant again, we are leaving. We will leave town. Get as far away as you want from everyone.” 

Lily looked at him, brushing off her tears with her thumbs. She sniffed. "Where would we go?"

"Anywhere you want. Just away from Great Britain."

A little tiny smile crept up the corner of her mouth. "Are you saying you aren't going to be a Death Eater after all?"

Severus was not sure what he wanted still, but he knew what he wanted more. "Yes, Lily. I care about you more."

Lily, still distraught in her grief, managed to smile for a moment at his words. For a moment in her day, there was a small sense of peace in her chaotic world. However, that quickly fell away as she choked down more of the beverage. She glanced down at the mug and twisted it back and forth a couple times. Her eyes blurred with tears and she bit her quivering lower lip. She heard someone sob and it took her a moment to realize it was her. Severus pulled her to him, and she buried her face into his chest as sobs racked her body. Everything that had happened the last several weeks washed over her in that moment. He said nothing, unsure what to say, as she cried harder than she had cried in a long time. After several minutes, her exhausted body fell into his embrace. As his hands caressed her hair and back, she closed her heavy eyes.


	15. A Time to Mourn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lily recovers from the curse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am not religious, I just like the quote. 
> 
> Seems likely I will going into quarantine come Monday since everyone at work had a close contact exposure to a probably COVID-19 patient. So, that's just wonderful. More time to write if so since will be stuck inside for two or more weeks if it's positive. Continue to stay safe during this crazy time and washing your hands can not be stated enough.

_"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens: A time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance..." ~Ecclesiastes 3:1 & 4 NIV _

Severus internally sighed and every word in the English language failed as Lily sobbed. He just said nothing. Her body rocked with each sob. His chest damped with the continuous tears that poured out. He rubbed her back with one hand put the other on the back of her head and tried to keep her damp hair out of her face. As he gently kissed the top of her head, he choked. A lump caught in his throat. This was not the Lily he wanted to see. He had seen her cry before, but not like this. As she caught each sob, she let out a faint whimper like a dog in pain. It was such a pained cry that he had to choke back the dampness starting to grow in his own eyes. 

It took a few minutes before she calmed down enough for him to hand her a handkerchief to blow her nose. She clutched it tight as light sobs continued to emerge from her. She did not move from his embrace. It took him a moment to realize she had stopped crying. He glanced down to see her eyes were shut. He lightly shook her as his breath caught, “Lily?” She barely opened her eyes with a light moan and closed them back. He just held her for another couple of minutes before laying down with her. Her chest rose and fell with her deep breathing and he pulled the covers to her shoulders. The clock across the room was the only other sound in the room. Nearly 7:30PM. His empty stomach churned as Madam Pomfrey came into the room. 

“Good, she’s sleeping.” She handed Severus clean Slytherin robes and looked back at Lily with almost pity. With a heavy sigh, she shook her head. “Here, so you can change. There’s some food for you as well if you would like.” He thanked her and for a moment he thought her eyes appeared damp as he headed for the bathroom to change. Despite not feeling that hungry, he managed some of the food they had provided him. He decided to read one of the books on the shelf for a while. 

Lily stirred and put the back of her hands to her eyes with a small stretch before turning onto her back. After a moment, she put her arms down and opened her eyes a little. After a brief glance of confusion, her eyes locked with Severus’s. He gave her a sheepish smile. 

“Feeling any better?” 

She stifled a yawn, her face still pale and splotchy. With an attempted tiny smile, she shrugged. He walked over and laid down beside of her. Her eyes were still bloodshot, and her eyelids were low, threatening to close again. Her cheeks were flushed and suddenly became crimson as she put her head down. 

“This is so embarrassing.” Her voice was barely a whisper. 

“What is?” 

“Everything today. I’m sorry.” 

“Don’t” He cut her off before she could continue, “Don’t you apologize for any of this.” 

“Not that, for you having to see me like this. I think you had to see almost every bodily fluid of mine today. I’m sorry about that.” 

He scoffed slightly, “Please. None of that was your fault.” 

She gave a tiny corner smile and pushed a strand of his hair from his face. She beckoned him closer with her finger. He leaned in and she kissed his cheek. “I don’t want to kiss your lips since, you know, been vomiting and all.” 

“I don’t think you are contagious.” He whispered. 

“No,” she smiled a little bigger, “More that it may be gross.” She closed her eyes again, “Night, Sev.” 

He watched her drift back to sleep. Once she was sleeping soundly, he closed his own heavy eyes. 

**0o0o0**

Severus woke up to Lily curled up beside him. His arm was underneath of her and he debated how to get it out from under her without waking her up. He slowly moved her and slid his arm out. She stirred but didn't wake. His arm did not have any feeling. It moved like rubber, as if it did not have any bones anymore. He made a fist with his hand several times and moved his arm around a little to try and gain the feeling back.

He suddenly imagined being in a bedroom with her, waking up every day by her side. A smile creep up on the corner of his mouth. He could live with that. He got off the bed as slowly and quietly as he possibly could. She was sound asleep and after yesterday, he wanted her to rest. 

He went to the bathroom and came back to her still deep in sleep. He scratched a note on some parchment and set it on the bed beside of her so she wouldn't wonder where he had gone when and if she awoke before he got back. He sighed as he watched her sleeping. If only he had woken up next to her in the shack after a long night of love making instead of in the hospital wing. He had hopes though, small hopes that things would stay okay between them now.

Severus left the hospital wing and went down to his dorm. Avery and Rosier were already up. Mulciber and Travers were still in bed.

"Snape. We were wondering where you'd gone." Avery said. "You look terrible."

"Yeah, what a shock." He mocked. 

"We know you fucked the mudblood and got her pregnant."

"Don't call her that!" Severus snapped as he gathered his books for the day. 

"We heard someone called out the Illegitimate Curse and caused an abortion." Rosier said.

"You know who it was?" Severus asked through gritted teeth.

"We didn't do it. We weren't even aware of it until we were headed back. It was quick news." Avery stated.

"Pettigrew was tellin' everyone about it. Said you and Lily were fucking when it happened." Rosier spoke with a sneer on his lips.

"Figures he'd exaggerate to that extent."

"Were you fuckin' her again?"

"No." He said matter-of-factly. "Potter and Black attacked us while we, uh, talked." He could feel the heat rise a little in his face. "Made a crowd gather and a couple people were spoutin' off things at us as well and someone else, not them, shot that curse and I want to know who." He slammed the drawer closed.

"We've been wonderin' the same thing." Travers chimed in, now up and making his bed. "Maybe a younger one of us?"

Severus didn't dare mention that he didn't want to be a Death Eater anymore. He knew what they would think, but he didn't care. Lily was more important right now.

"I don't know who it did, but whoever did it will pay."

"Wait, why do you care? You can't tell me you wanted to have a baby with a mudblood?"

Severus clenched his fists at that.

"You wanted a baby with her? Shit, it was you. You got her pregnant." Avery gaped at him.

"No, but that wasn’t anyone's concern-it was between us-and it was not someone else's decision to make! Whether or not we had one was our decision. Mine and Lily's." Severus sucked in air and no longer cared if people knew he had gotten Lily pregnant. 

"Did you all not learn anything from those stupid health lessons Pomfrey put us through our first couple of years here?"

Severus glared at Avery. "Well, under a mix of love and lust potion we weren't thinking about the consequences." He turned to the door. 

"Where are you going now?"

"Back to the mudblood probably. She's probably so upset." Mulciber said, faking tears with his finger.

"It's for the best you know." Rosier said.

Severus turned at the open doorway. "Best for who? The school? You all? Or Lily and I? If you dare say Lily, you will regret it because the person who did this has put her through hell. I don't have time for anti-muggleborn rants!” 

He left the dorm and headed back through the common room. Everyone was staring at him and he tugged at his collar but ignored the sneers and raised eyebrows as he exited the room. He hurried back to the hospital wing.

Lily was still sleeping to his relief. He could see Madam Pomfrey scratching on parchment in her office nearby. With a sigh of relief seeing her within eyeshot of Lily, he went to his first class and sat down next to Avery. Avery looked uncomfortable.

"What now?" Severus snapped.

"What are you thinking?” 

He raised his forehead, "We weren’t."

Avery frowned. "It was stupid of you. Thankfully that’s gone.” 

“You mean the baby?” 

“She was barely pregnant, right?"

"Yes, but if she had stayed pregnant, it would have become a baby."

"Well, it wasn't even anything close to a baby yet anyway and you still stay with that girl?"

Severus got out his book, saying nothing.

"I thought you wanted to be a Death Eater? You can't do that and be with her?"

Severus still said nothing.

"You can't tell me you actually want her? I mean, yeah, she's good looking and all. She's got a nice rack on her and is cute, so I don't blame you for wanting to fuck her, but there are plenty of nice-breasted, adorable figured young ladies out there who aren't useless in blood."

Severus started to snap back at Avery but was interrupted.

"Morning. Turn to page 289 and read it over. Write down your responses and we will discuss in thirty minutes." The professor spoke up, ending his conversation.  
Severus started to work, but his mind was too cluttered to concentrate. He glanced over at Lily's empty seat. He realized he wasn't the only one. He saw James Potter looking at it uneasily. He almost looked guilt-ridden though Severus wasn't sure why since it wasn't him who cast that curse.

He made it through the first class and approached the Professor. "I was wondering if I could pick up the assignment for Lily?"

"You want to take her assignment?"

Severus realized the word must not have gotten around to all the teachers that it was him who fathered the child that Lily Evans carried. "Yes, sir. She asked me to get her work."

"Just tell her to do the questions we did today and not worry about anything else. Sad someone did that to her, but that's why you don't fool around this young."

"Are you blaming her for what happened?" Anger flashed across his eyes.

"No, not at all. That's a banned spell and regardless of foolishness on the part of young lads and lasses, it was not to be used ever."

Severus pondered what to say that wouldn't be wrong to a Professor. "The real fool was not Lily." He turned at that and walked out of the room.

**0o0o0**

Lily woke up to an empty room. She sighed and turned onto her back. She felt a paper crinkle and reached under her back and pulled out a piece of parchment. It was Severus's handwriting.

_Lily  
-Went down to my dorm to gather my school things. Be back in a few minutes. Didn't want you to worry where I'd gone. If you are too exhausted and I don't want to wake you-I went on to our classes. Get some rest and try to get something in your stomach if you can.  
Love,  
Sev_

A tiny smile twitched at her mouth. She was still exhausted and suddenly realized that she did not feel sick like most mornings as she rolled off the bed. As much as she hated all the nausea and vomiting, her heart gripped, and throat clenched at the realization that it was all over. 

Her legs were like rubber as she walked to the bathroom. She crawled back into the bed and thought about the events of yesterday, racking her lethargic mind of who might have sent that curse. So many thoughts went through her mind, yet no one seemed plausible at all. Lily touched her abdomen and choked back tears.

Lily really wished she could speak to her mother face to face. She wanted her mother right now. She needed her mother. Mums always know what to do. However, Lily knew that even if her mother knew, nothing would stop the pain she felt right now and that her mother could not help her except to give extra support. No one could help her.

There was an emptiness now deep down inside of her. All she could think about before was that they were too young for this and that she didn't want a baby and was not ready for one. She mourned for the potential that would never happen because someone took that chance from them. She was never going to feel the baby kick inside of her now. She was never going to know what it would have been. She was never going to see what it would end up looking like and she pushed those thoughts out of her mind quickly. 

She looked out the windows on the other side of the room. The sun was shining, glaring over the beds closest to it and she saw a bird on the window's ledge chirping. The beautiful day was almost taunting her.

"How can the world be so happy when I am so miserable?" She thought to herself.

She gripped her sheets tight with her fists and tears slid down her face. Madam Pomfrey was not around so she let herself have a small cry. After last night, she was too exhausted to cry much. 

Lily awoke later to a clang. She realized she had fallen asleep. A elderly lady with a small hunchback was staring at her. She gasped in surprise.

The woman didn't appear fazed by her reaction and pointed a wand to her bed. Before she could think of what the lady wanted, her sheets and pillowcase were gone. New sheets appeared on the bed. The new sheets were cold. It served as a reminder to her that she was in the hospital wing instead of her dorm. Her sheets were not stiff and sterile. She wanted to go back to sleep, hoping she would wake up in her dorm and discover that all this had just been a horrible nightmare.

As the lady left the room, the healer walked in. "You are finally awake, I see."

Lily said nothing.

"How are you feeling?"

Lily shrugged.

Madam Pomfrey looked sympathetic. "Physically. Are you still nauseous?"

Lily shook her head. "Not really."

"No vomiting or diarrhoea?"

"A little of the latter."

"That's common."

"I thought she said it would stop."

"The intensity of it does, but it usually takes about 24 hours for your body to feel better." She put her wand on Lily's forehead. "No fever. No signs of infection?"

Lily shook her head and curled up tighter in the blankets.

"How about we try and get some food in your stomach?"

"I'm not hungry." She mumbled.

"You need to try and get some food in your stomach. You won't get your strength up lying here. I am sure you want to get back to your dorm and your friends and to your classes as soon as you can."

Lily's eyes grew wider. "Back to her dorm?" The thought made her uneasy. The whole school likely knew about what had happened and that she had been pregnant. They likely knew Severus was the father of it and she did not have any doubt that Peter was probably spewing his own version right now.

"I'm going to have some chicken soup brought to you, okay? I need you to try and get it down."

Lily watched her walk away and into her office. A minute later, the soup arrived. She was not the least bit hungry but ate a few bites of it anyway.

Severus came in as she was eating. "You are up-and eating-that's good."

Lily frowned. "I'm not hungry. She's making me eat some of it though." Lily sighed as he sat on the bed. "How were your classes?"

Severus shrugged. "Okay." He handed Lily her school things. "The Professors sent the work they want you to finish."

Lily took the books and items for her classes. "Thanks. Maybe it will help me get my mind on something else." 

“There’s a bunch of gifts for you in Pomfrey’s office. They are checking them of course since they don’t know who did this to you.”

Lily smiled a little, “Really?” 

“Words gotten out, but you appear to have a lot of support.” He cocked his head slightly with a tiny grin. She tucked a lock of her hair back behind her ear with a brief smile. "I'm going to go grab a bite of lunch. I will see you this evening after classes." Severus leaned in and kissed her forehead.

Lily smiled. "Okay."

She watched him leave and opened a book. She did not really feel like doing any work but wanted to think about something else.

Severus stayed with her that evening but went to his dorm for the night. It was the same routine for Thursday and Friday. Severus barely spoke to his dormmates, cutting off any discussion they tried to have with him about the situation or about being a Death Eater. 

Over the next two days Lily ate a little better, but mostly did work and slept. She tried her best to get her mind on anything that did not involve thinking about what had happened to her. On Saturday, Severus spent most of the day with her in the wing. It was bittersweet because while she was happy to get out of the hospital wing Sunday, she dreaded going to her dorm again.

Her friends had left her some gifts and so had a several others in the school. Everything sent to her had to be checked before she could see it though because no one knew who had cursed her and they were concerned the same person could try to harm her again. It was the other reason they had kept her in the wing for so long, to keep her safe until they learned more about what had happened. 

_19 February_

Lily strolled up the stairs to her dorm step by step, hoping to procrastinate the inevitable for as long as she could, not wanting to enter the portrait. After standing outside of the portrait for several minutes, the fat lady grew annoyed that she was not saying the password. She finally took a deep breath and went inside. Everyone turned to look at her, making her uneasiness with the situation even worse. She knew she seemed rather forlorn, but she was not in any mood to care how she appeared. What she was worried about was the reaction to the situation and how people would treat her.

"Lily." Mary came up to her and gave her a hug. "I'm so sorry. Why didn't you tell us you were pregnant?"

Lily shrugged with her arms across her chest. "Why would I?"

"Because we are your friends and that's important news. It explains your vomiting and mood swings."

"Well, you don't have to worry about that anymore." Her eyes developed tears again.

"I heard and we are sorry."

Lily scoffed. "Are you really?"

"You know, Lily, as bad as it seems, it's all for the best. I mean, now you don't have that burden on you anymore. You don't have to worry about having a child with the crazy Death Eater wannabe."

Lily’s lower lip quivered and anger surge through her body. "You are trying to say it's a good thing? Someone used a dark curse on me that could have permanently damaged my fertility forever and you think that is good!"

"No-I just meant-"

"With Severus, right? That I won't be having a child with Severus? That's what I should be happy about?"

Mary said nothing, but the silence in the room told her all she needed to know.

"Well, that’s not the worry. I didn’t care and maybe I would even go out with him.” 

"You'd what?" Niamh, another roommate of hers, asked. "Have you gone mad?"

"No." She turned on her heel and started up to her dorm.

"Going out with someone like that? You must be. Lily-he-he's evil!" Veronica spoke up, all her roommates following her up the stairs.

Lily stopped and turned. "No. He's not evil. He was never evil." She paused. "He was just torn. Can you blame him? I don't."

"You don’t blame him? You’ve gone mad. He wants to be one of them. You know what his friends did to Mary McDonald?" Mary cried. 

Lily stopped again on her journey up. "I know what they did. Severus was not involved in that. He's not going to be a Death Eater."

"And how do you know that for sure?" Veronica, a fellow student, asked.

Lily stopped as she reached for the handle to her dorm. "I know."

"Bet he would say anything just to get you to sleep with him again."

Lily turned. If looks could kill, they would all be in the process of dying. "Well, I've already done it once. I would certainly not be opposed to doing it again. We had a rather good time the first time around."

Melody's eyes grew wide. "You've got to be joking."

"I'm not."

"How did he get you to bed with him? You were dating James. Why would you sleep with him when you had-"

"Someone better?" She finished for Melody.

Mary and the other three said nothing.

"Well, yes. I mean, look at him."

Lily scoffed again. "What’s that supposed to mean?"

"We never desired to be Death Eaters!" Elizabeth cried out in exasperation.

"No, but judging him on his house and his wealth isn't much better than people judging me or Niamh on our blood status now, is it?" Lily glared at Elizabeth for a moment. "I'm tired. I want to be alone and to rest." She opened the door to the dorm.

"He always did like you. We all knew it." Mary spoke up.

"So what?" Lily snapped. 

"How did he get you to sleep with him when you two weren't even on speaking terms?"

"Ask Peter. He can tell you everything you need to know-if he'll actually tell the truth." Lily slammed the bedroom door shut and locked it. She let out a deep breath and looked at the empty dorm. Slowly, she walked over to her bed and collapsed face down on it. Tears welled up in her throat. She didn't know what would happen now.

It was a rough night and she didn't really sleep at all. Her roommates left her alone. When they tried to talk to her, she would shut them down. She did not want to hear anything they had to say right now. Nothing they could say would make her feel better.

She made her bed the next morning and laid on it, not up for going to her classes.

"Aren't you coming?" Elizabeth asked her.

Lily shook her head.

"You can't hide up here forever. You can't change anything and you-" Melody started to say.

"Don't-don't you dare say to just get over it."

"Look, we are sorry this happened. We understand." Niamh said. 

Lily looked up and glared at Niamh. "No, no, you don't understand! Don't pretend you understand! You don't know anything! You don't have any idea what it's like!" Tears swelled up in her eyes. "You've never had this happen to you or anyone you know! You don't-You don't-just go!"

She lay back down and sniffed. They looked at each other and left her alone. Lily knew they were right though. She could not stay up here forever and hide like a hermit. Sooner or later she would have to face everyone again.

An hour later, there was a knock at her door. "I said I want to be left alone!" She yelled, thinking it was her roommates trying to pry her out of the bed.

The door opened. Lily nearly gasped at the sight of McGonagall, realizing she had just yelled at a teacher. She could be cheeky with them, but she never yelled.

"Oh, sorry, Professor." Lily mumbled. "I thought you were my roommates."

McGonagall looked grave. "The headmaster would like to speak with you."

Lily gulped at that and sat up. "W-Why?"

"We need to discuss the situation."

Lily's throat suddenly went dry. She got off the bed in her wrinkled robes and followed McGonagall down the stairs and out of the tower. It was silent.

"What about Severus?" Lily asked, the question nagging her.

"Mr. Snape will be joining us."

Lily choked. She waited at the Gargoyle while McGonagall went up and saw Severus approach a moment later.

**0o0o0**

Severus was in class when Mr. Filch came into the room. "Professor Dumbledore would like to see Mr. Snape."

Severus choked. He heard some "oohs" and snickers as he gathered his things and left the room.

"You are to stay by the gargoyle until they let you up." Mr. Filch was grinning. "You naughty teenagers get yourselves into all sorts of trouble. In my day, they would have hung you both upside by your toes until you passed out."

Severus cringed slightly but said nothing and as he arrived at the Gargoyle, he saw Lily standing there. 

"Ms. Evans and Mr. Snape, follow me." McGonagall said.

Lily and Severus followed her up and went into the office. At the sight of Sirius, James and Peter, they gulped. James caught their gazes and glanced at the ground. Sirius turned away from them. Peter was twiddling his fingers and staring at the floor. Lily and Severus looked at each other. The tension could have been cut with a knife as the room fell silent.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Question for any reader. When Lily and Severus board the train to Hogwarts for the first time, did they sit with James and Sirius or did James and Sirius join them? I do not have my HP books any longer and cannot find the answer with Google. Thanks.


	16. The Trouble with Magic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lily, Severus, James, Sirius and Peter face the Minister of Magic over the incident.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope everyone continues to stay safe.

Severus saw the Minister and his unease grew even more. They were in a lot of trouble now. He looked back over at the Marauders. James was frowning, glancing over at Peter with a look at almost agitation. Sirius was trying not to smirk. Peter was fawning over Sirius as usual.

Lily clutched her robes, fingers trembling. The silence and adults' eyes on her and Severus made her breathing heavier. She took a deep breath. She saw Severus twisting his fingers a little at the eerie stillness that filled the room. Even Fawkes was silent and motionless. 

Finally, the silence was broken by the Minister moving toward them.

"You are Mr. Severus Snape?"

Severus cleared his throat quickly. "Yes, sir."

He turned to Lily. "And you Ms. Lily Evans?"

Lily nodded. "Yes, sir."

The Minister glanced between them. "Quite the scandal you two have conjured up."

"Scandal?" Severus asked, his eyes displaying a fury underneath.

"Conjured up what?" Lily asked almost at the same time.

"Love and lust potion claims? Getting pregnant? Banned curse used here? And even more."

Lily and Severus frowned.

"It was not done on purpose. We never asked for-" Lily started but stopped at Dumbledore's hand for silence.

"Do not say anything else." Dumbledore stated. "I would like everyone except Mr. Black to step out of the office."

James, Peter, Lily and Severus left the room. They waited in tense silence for about five minutes with Filch watching all four of them, blocking their exit.

Severus watched Lily pace, glancing at him from time to time. He noticed James looking at Lily, almost on the verge of speech a couple times, but he stopped short as Peter started to talk to him. James glared at Peter with an almost incensed expression, giving Peter the cold shoulder.

"I would like to speak with Mr. Pettigrew next."

Sirius came out and James appeared relieved and more content in Sirius's company. Lily did not say anything, pacing the floor and counting the tile pieces. Severus looked over his Ancient Runes text, trying to not think about what might happen to him and Lily for this incident. Another five minutes passed, and Pettigrew left the room.

"Mr. Potter?"

When the door closed, Lily glared between Peter and Sirius. Severus looked ready to whip out his wand and hex them both. They talked between each other, but Sirius did not look happy with Peter either, which surprised him. There was a lot more tension alone with Peter and Sirius than there was with James and Sirius or James and Peter alone. Lily asked him about their Ancient Runes homework that she had missed last week. Finally, James left the office.

"Mr. Snape?"

Severus left Lily alone uneasily, but as Filch stood guard, watching their every move, he knew Lily would be fine in their company, even if she likely did not enjoy it. The door closed behind him with a heavy thud, startling him.

"Sit." Dumbledore spoke, pointing to the chair in front of his desk. Slughorn, McGonagall were seated to the left and the Minister stood by Dumbledore.

Severus sat in a chair.

"Now. Tell us what happened."

"When?"

"Everything you can remember from the start."

Severus took a deep breath. "Start of what? The curse or-at what?"

"What day did the" The man looked over his glasses. "incident between you and Lily happen? What was the day like for you?"

"The day Lily got pregnant?"

"Yes."

Severus raised an eyebrow. "I don't think you want those details, do you?"

"Young man, this is a serious situation and we need to know how she got pregnant."

"Same way every woman gets pregnant. I trust you don’t need me to tell you that."

The Minister glared at him. "If Lily did not consent to the incident-"

"Are you implying I raped her?" Severus sat up straighter; his eyes bore into the Minister with a raw fury. "Someone cursed her with a banned curse causing her lose her pregnancy and you try to spin this on me that I would harm her that way?"

"We are trying to figure this all out."

"Suggesting that I would rape Lily isn't figuring anything out."

Dumbledore and the Minister looked at each other for a moment. The only noise came from Fawkes singing happily as he bathed in a small pool of water.

"What happened that lead to it happening-the incident between you two-what happened that day? Start from the beginning and discuss that day." The Minister huffed heavily.

"It was just another day, the day before the holidays. It was the morning when most people leave for home. We went to Slughorn's party."

"What was the date?"

"December-21? I think anyway."

"What happened at that party?"

"He, Slughorn, asked me to help Lily hand out the butterbeers. He usually doesn't ask me but did that day. My butterbeer tasted funny, I remember that. It smelled...odd. Like what attracts me, I remember that too. I thought I was just imagining things though. No one would give me a love potion so that did not occur to me that it could be that."

"Your drink smelled odd, but you drank it anyway?"

"No one would give me a potion. I never had any admirers like that. That just didn't cross my mind at first, so I drank it. Until I finished it and I felt almost insane with desire and want for someone."

"Lily?"

Severus nodded. "Yes, sir. And she felt the same after her drink. It was crazy. We behaved crazy and things got, um, out of hand."

"You two-slept together."

"Well, obviously. She ended up pregnant, didn't she? She didn't get herself that way."

The minister clicked his teeth and frowned. "Just once?"

Severus cocked his head, trying to hide any embarrassment. "Maybe more than that-during that time we were under it."

"And when did you realize you were under the potion?"

"Next morning. Both of us realized we had been under the potion then."

"What happened the next morning?"

Severus refrained from rolling his eyes. "We woke up and realized what had happened and what we had done. We spent a lot of time talking and discussing it and other things after that."

"Who do you think did it?"

"Peter Pettigrew. He made it obvious by trying to talk to us and get angry. He slipped up by implying that Lily should have been with James, sleeping with him that night instead of me. Why would that be his business? But it was and he made it clear it was his intention that Lily have been-ought to have been that is-in bed with James that night. Lily and I do believe that he intended the potion for James, but it got mixed up and I ended up with it instead."

"So, Peter Pettigrew claimed Lily should have slept with James that night instead of you?"

Severus nodded, rubbing his thumb with unease.

"Then Lily got pregnant?"

Severus huffed in annoyance. "Yes."

"By you?"

Severus nodded. "Only person she's been with."

"Now Valentine's Day, what were you two doing leading up to the incident?"

"Nothing really."

"Nothing? That's not what the others said."

Severus raised his eyebrow. "Well, what did they say we were doing?"

The Minister frowned. "You tell us what you were doing?"

"Nothing really. Just hanging out."

"Alone in the forest edge?"

"We might have been kissing, but that's it."

"You weren't doing anything more than that?"

"No, of course not. It's a public area. That's a private matter."

The four adults looked between other and there were some harsh whispers. Severus wished he could hear them. He let out a breath, his hands shaking a little.

"Then what happened?" The Minister continued.

"The Marauders showed up-minus Lupin."

"Marauders?" The Minister asked, clearly perplexed at the term.

"That's what they call themselves. Like the three musketeers."

The Minister looked confused and Severus realized the man did not know who they were.

"Eh, never mind. It's just their nickname as a group."

The Minister glanced at Dumbledore. "Okay. What happened then?"

"They attacked us, mostly Potter attacking me. We got into a little duel."

"A duel?"

"A little one. Lily tried to stop us. Black got involved. A crowd quickly gathered at the noise and a few of them threw some hexes and things toward us."

"And one of them fired the curse at Ms. Evans?"

Severus nodded. "I still don't know who, but it wasn’t Black or Potter. They were rounding on me when it happened."

"And then you left with Ms. Evans?"

"We headed back to the castle. She became sick a few times-vomiting-along the way. Then she started to bleed, and I-" Severus took a breath, trying to block out his emotion of the events of that day. "I took her to the bathroom-head bathroom-she's a head-the head of Gryffindor so she's allowed in there and it's private-so-she, um, her stomach was cramping badly. I went to get help. She lost the pregnancy." Severus choked as his throat suddenly went tight. He swallowed hard, making his throat a little sore.

"And you were with her during the time she lost the pregnancy?"

Severus nodded, looking down at the Slytherin crest on his robes. The four talked in hushed whispers again for a couple minutes and then turned to him.

Dumbledore was looking right at him. "Thank you, Mr. Snape. You may go."

Severus slowly got up and left the room.

"Ms. Evans?"

Lily took a deep breath and entered the room, glancing back at Severus for a moment before the door slammed in her face. She jumped and turned to the four adults.

"You may sit." Dumbledore said, pointing to the chair in front of him.

Lily looked at the Minister uneasily as he stood by Dumbledore with a smile but sat down.

"So, you were recently with child?"

Lily paused a moment before nodding. "Yes, sir."

"By Mr. Severus Snape?"

"You mean, was Severus the father of it?"

"Yes, young lady."

Lily cracked her neck, her tongue dry. She sighed before finally nodding. "Yes, sir. He is-was."

"And what day did this rendezvous between the two of you occur?"

The heat rose in her cheeks. "Is that necessary?"

"Yes." He spoke with hesitation.

"December 21, into the 22."

"Were you drunk at the time of this-incident?"

She shook their head.

"No, sir. Unless you count a mix of love and lust potion as drunk."

The Minister frowned along with Dumbledore, McGonagall and Slughorn.

"Was Mr. Snape drunk-not under the potion?"

"No. Just under the potion like I was-that was the only type of drunk he would have been. I was with him. He wasn't drunk. I remember the entire thing quite well."

"This potion you were under at the time as you say-was it an aphrodisiac?"

Lily nodded. "I think it was a love and lust potion mixture, so kind of." 

"Where did it come from?"

Lily had tried to come up with a good explanation for that for a while, but it all sounded wrong and made Severus look guilty. She shrugged, looking at the griffin on her crest, fingering the snake tail of the lion.

"Lily-" McGonagall started. "We want the truth about who did this."

Lily glared at them. "Then I don't have to tell you. I won't blame Severus. It wasn't his fault. He did not drug me or himself with that potion."

"Then who do you think gave you that potion?"

"Based on our experiences and run-ins and conversations with Pettigrew, we believe he gave us the potion."

"By our and we, you mean you and Mr. Snape?"

"Yes, sir."

"Before this incident, were you and Mr. Snape friends?"

"We were-platonic friends for several friends, even best friends until the end of fifth year."

"What happened?"

"I'd rather not talk about it."

"Did he do anything inappropriate to you?"

Lily was taken aback by that statement. "No, of course not. He's not like that. We just had different ideas about things and drifted apart, that’s all. "

"Where do you believe you got the potion? From a butterbeer?"

Lily nodded. "Yes, at Slughorn's party. It smelled a little odd, but lovely. I shouldn't have kept drinking it, but I naively thought nothing could be wrong with it."

"Then what happened?"

"I went crazy. Severus and I both did. Things got way out of hand with us both under it and, well-you know the rest."

"So how do you think it happened?"

Lily refrained from rolling her eyes. "Well, my parents always told me that when a man and woman love each other very much-"

The minister rolled his eyes and put his hand up to wave her off. "Not what happened between you and Severus that night, but how do you think it happened? Do you think it was a mix up with the potions?"

"Yes. Severus and I both believe Peter meant the potion for James and me. He stated that I ought to have been with James that night-that night Severus and I-got together." She blushed. 

"And that day-Valentine's Day. What were you and Severus doing leading up the curse being cast at you?"

"Not much." Lily shrugged. "Just talking."

McGonagall looked at Lily, pulling her glasses down slightly to peer over them. "Nothing more than talking?"

Lily gulped and blushed again. "Well, maybe we might've been snogging at the time."

"Just snogging?"

"Yes, nothing more than that. We weren't completely alone, and anything more would have required more privacy."

The Minister cleared his throat. "Then the others showed up?"

"Yes, sir. There was a bit of an argument between Severus and James and Sirius too. It got out of hand when others showed up."

"That was when the curse was thrown at you?"

Lily nodded. "Yes."

"We won't discuss what really happened after that as we have been made aware of the curse's effects and how it affected you by Healer Willow. Mr. Snape took you away afterward-back the castle though?"

"Yes. He stayed with me throughout the time. He was great-very supportive." Lily spoke quickly, suddenly defensive.

The four of them spoke in hushed whispers for a couple minutes. "Thank you, Lily." Dumbledore asked the others to come in.

"Now, we have some contradicting statements. Either some of you are lying or all of you are." The Minister spoke up, glaring at all five of them.

James opened his mouth but closed it as Peter spoke up. "Why would I lie?"

Lily scoffed as the heat in her body rose. She clenched her fists and closed her eyes. "Oh, you did it and you know it. Just admit it! I am sick of this! I've been through enough hell! Just admit your stupid mistake!"

Pettigrew rolled his eyes, pretending to look appalled at the allegation. "Why would I give you a potion to sleep with him? Please. You sound ridiculous."

"You wanted me to sleep with James!" Lily wagged her finger accusingly.

"Then why would I give it to Severus?"

"You didn't-you didn't want him to have it! You wanted-you wanted-James and I to have it!"

"Me. James and me." Sirius corrected.

Lily gave Sirius an almost murderous glare. "You should worry less about my grammar and more about what will happen when they discover what Peter did to me! What he did to us-to me and to Severus! He tried to make James and I give each other the potion! He failed that and Severus got it instead! This is all PETER’S FAULT!"

"How could I do that?" Peter asked. 

Lily huffed in aggravation, clenching her fists hard. "You know perfectly well how! You lace our butterbeers at Slughorn's party and we give them to me-I mean, he gives it to me-we give them to each other! James and I usually give things out, don't we? Don't we? You know that! James has bragged! I have heard it! I've heard him tell you! Don't pretend you don't know that? Even Slughorn knows it! Tell him!" Lily stated, turning to Slughorn. "You usually have James help you. James and I, don't you?"

Slughorn turned to them in shock. "Well, yes. You two are some of my best students."

"But that day he had Severus pass them out and Slughorn told me he had knocked a few bottles over! He must have put Severus's name on the bottle originally meant for James. Severus and I gave each other the laced bottles on accident and that led to the rest of this whole mess! You know it! Stop denying it! We figured it out! We are not idiots!"

"You can't prove he did anything. Your theory is nice, but really, Lily, why think it was Peter?" Sirius asked. 

"Because it sounds exactly like him and that conversation the next day-him assuming I ought to have been with Potter the night before. He thought Severus and I were too stupid to get it, don't you?"

James looked between Lily and Peter in confusion. Severus wished the adults in the room were gone so he could throttle Pettigrew and knock the near smirk off Sirius’s face.

"You don't know what you are talking about, Evans!" Peter spat out.

"Quiet!" Professor Dumbledore spoke up.

Lily and Peter got quiet.

"So, you and Severus both claim your bottles were possibly laced with a love potion and a lust potion?" The Minister asked while looking at Lily.

Lily shook her head. "Yes, they were laced with love and lust potion. It's not a question."

"And you think Mr. Pettigrew did it instead of Mr. Snape here?"

Lily looked at the Minister, her mouth going dry. "I don’t think, I know. Are you trying to accuse Severus of drugging me?” Lily scoffed. “We were not even speaking at the time."

"He always liked you." James stammered out.

"Shut it, Potter. It's not your concern!" Severus snapped.

"Did you like Ms. Evans before this incident?" The Minister glared at Severus.

Severus’s throat went dry. He coughed. The room was silent. "Well, I, um, I-I" Severus heaved a heavy sigh. "Yes, but I didn't-"

"So, you tested the potion mix on Ms. Evans?"

"No!" Severus spoke defiantly. "I would not do that. I already told you that. Yes, I did like her, but we were not even really speaking at the time. We were focused on our own separate lives then.” 

"Then why do I hear that you like to experiment with potions? Surely you would want to test them out, even if you liked to just play around. Perhaps you concocted this mixture to test?” 

Severus sucked in air and glared daggers at the Minister. He also wished he had a glass of water. He did not like where this was going. "No. No, I would never do that. I don't test any of my potions out on random people. I’ve never done a love or lust potion and have zero intention of making one. They are stupid. I would never do that, especially not to her."

"Then why play with them at all?"

Lily’s breathing grew shallow and she cut across Severus's attempt to try and defend himself. "He always experiments with potions. He's good at potions. He never used to really use them, just see if he could make them. It doesn't seem weird to me. I make up new charms all the time. Other students create their own jinxes and hexes and some even make curses. They create new ways to spell and transform. It’s not strange. He didn’t do this. I know Severus. It’s not in his nature to do love or lust potions."

"That may well be true, but it does not change the matter at hand. Mr. Snape has made unauthorized potions. He liked you before this incident and you found yourself pregnant as a result." 

Dumbledore cleared his throat. “Minister, if I may, it really is not that unusual for students to play around with potions or charms or hexes. It’s part of their learning. That Mr. Snape may have experimented with potions in the past has no bearing on whether he gave Ms. Evans the Love Potion No.5.” 

"Severus did not do this. I was there with him that morning after this. He was just as shocked as I was over this. It was a shock to us both. You cannot punish him for something he didn't do."

The Minister shook his head. "No further questions. We will need to review your statements and discuss the matter at hand."

Dumbledore nodded. "Everyone may return to their classes now. We will speak to you all again in a couple days."

They started to leave the room. Sirius left with Peter trailing behind.

"Wait!" James called out. "Lily-um, stay."

Lily turned as she started to leave with Severus. Severus stopped as well.

She raised an eyebrow. "Why?"

James tugged at his collar. "I-I have to tell you something. Something I haven't said yet."

"What?"

James waved Sirius on. "Can we shut the door?"

The door closed. The room was almost at a deafening silence with the only the sound coming from Fawkes pecking at his food.

"Well-I don't want to stand here all day." Lily snapped.

James took a deep breath. "I know who did it."

"Did what?"

"Sent that curse to you. I know."

Lily gasped and narrowed her eyes to almost slits. "You what? You knew and you didn't tell me!"

"Well, I-I wasn't sure at first so I didn't-I didn't want to accuse before-before I know for sure."

Severus moved toward James, who reached for his wand.

Lily put her hand against Severus's chest. "Don't."

"Who do you think did it?" Dumbledore asked.

James paled and mumbled something.

"What?"

"Peter."

"Pettigrew?" Lily and Severus asked, looking at each other with shock.

"I didn't believe it either, but he sort of admitted it to me when he said that thanks to him you-you wouldn't have a child by Sniv-Severus anymore."

Lily gaped and Severus glared hard at James.

"Mr. Potter. You realize you what you are saying can have very serious implications." The Minister stated.

James nodded. "Yes, sir. I do. It's why I was so hesitant before, but I heard Peter last night admit it while in the shower. He didn't know I was listening, but I heard Lily's name so I listened in and he admitted to it-to finding the curse in a book and decided to use it on Lily when he could-to fix this-what he called mess."

"You aren't trying to get revenge by making such an accusation, are you?" McGonagall asked.

"No. I have nothing to be vengeful about regarding Peter. It's the height of dishonour to not trust your friends, but I fear I cannot trust Peter anymore."

Severus started on the verge of speech, his body burning with fury. He wanted to curse them all. Dumbledore put his hand up to signal him not to say anything.

"Thank you, Mr. Potter. The three of you may return to your classes."

James started to leave but stopped at the doorway. "I'm sorry, Lily. I really am." He left.

Lily knew he meant it, but that did not stop her from feeling ready to hex him down those stairs. Severus left with Lily. His fingers touched the middle of her back as he placed his hand on her. Her lips formed into a grin for a moment as they walked down the stairs and out of the office.

"I don't know if I want to go to class."

"We have the same class. We'll go together if you want."

“I don't want any lunch."

"Me either. Let's go out to the courtyard."

Lily nodded, folding her arms under her chest. He moved his hand to her left side, his arm across her back. She slid her hand over to his right side with her right arm across his back. They walked across the courtyard in silence. They sat on a bench in the bare garden. Patches of leftover snow were scattered over the area. The day was grey and dreary. Lily moved closer to Severus, trying to stay warm as the bitterly cold wind hit them, making her gasp for a breath. She did not dare mention going inside.

Severus tried to ignore the biting cold winds that kept hitting them. He did not want to go in. He moved close to her to stay warm. After a while they had to force themselves to go back inside. Lily took her time getting her school things and they were almost late for class. As she entered the room with Severus, she could feel all the eyes in the room on them.


	17. To Tell The Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius stirs up trouble and Lily gets an idea.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another update. Likely won't be as frequent in weeks to come, but I'm home sick with a slight temp. Just mild sinus infection, but work is all panicked. Understandable in these crazy times. No worries though, am 99% sure it's not the corona.   
> Stay safe and well everyone.

**Chapter 17: To Tell The Truth**

Lily averted her eyes from the glaring ones at them. Severus put his hand on her back. She turned to him. He smiled at her. She smiled back. She felt her muscles lose a bit of tension. She sat down beside Elizabeth. Severus ignored the stares and went to sit beside Rosier.

"What'd they say? You gonna be in trouble?" Rosier asked him.

Severus sighed to himself. "Nothing. They just asked questions."

"So you didn't get in trouble?"

"Not at this time, no."

Lily got out her book, pretending that no one was looking in her direction or whispering about her and pointing.

"So?" Elizabeth asked.

"What?" Lily turned to her.

"Everything okay? You aren't in trouble, are you?"

"No."

"Is he in trouble?"

"You mean Severus?"

"Duh."

"No."

"He's not?" Elizabeth looked surprised.

Lily looked taken aback. "No, course not. He didn't do anything wrong. Why would he be in trouble?"

"Uh, he went into our dorm with you and slept with you and got you pregnant. How's that not doing anything wrong?"

"I took him to our dorm, slept with him and let him get me pregnant, even if that wasn't our intention-to have a baby, that is. It's no more his fault than mine."

"He's a Slytherin. They've always got ulterior motives. The death eater wannabe sleeping with your kind."

Lily glared at her. "My kind, Beth?"

"You know what people like him think of people like you. He called you that word."

"I'm not stupid." She snapped. "I know what he said. Things changed."

"Are you sure about that? He's talking to Rosier, isn't he?"

"I didn't know he wasn't allowed to talk to his own roommates. Seems like a difficult thing to do, isn't it?"

Elizabeth opened her mouth to speak.

"Morning, everyone. Get out your wand and let's get started." The professor spoke up.

Lily did her work and managed to go through the motions of the afternoon. Few people spoke to her, except to offer a pat on the shoulder and offer sympathy. As she walked back to her dorms that evening after dinner, she was stopped by fellow Gryffindor, Veronica.

"So, finally went to class today, huh?"

'"I figured I would get in trouble if I didn't."

"Why? McGonagall snap at you for being in bed?"

"No, but she wanted us to go back to class so I did."

Veronica smirked. "Oh, really? They wanted you to go so you did, huh?"

Lily raised an eyebrow. "Yeah. What's your point?" She started up the stairs to the tower.

"It wasn't your boyfriend who talked you into going, huh?"

Lily stopped abruptly. "What?"

"You came in with your boyfriend, didn't you?"

"What are you talking about?"

Veronica turned to Lily from the top of the stairs. "You. You came into class with that boyfriend of yours. Don't deny it. You said you were dating now."

"I won't then."

"So he convinced you to go to class?"

"No, but so what if he did? Why is it any concern to you?"

Veronica huffed. "You are ruining things."

"Ruining what?"

"He's a Slytherin, Lily. A Slytherin! You know how they end up."

"Isn't that a self-fulfilling prophecy that they are all worthless and will end up you-know-who's followers?"

"No, it's the fact of it. They end up that way. They're the ones who go bad."

"That's not true! People in other houses aren't always better people."

She scoffed at Lily as Lily arrived at the portrait next to her. "Um, yeah, Lily, they are."

"No, they aren't. Look at our house."

"Who do you think is bad?"

"Peter for one."

Veronica rolled her eyes as she went through the portrait hole. Lily followed. "You aren't still blaming him for you cheating on James, are you?"

Lily glared daggers at Veronica. "It's not cheating when you aren't able to control your actions."

"Love potion, right? Still going for that story?"

"Yes." She said quickly. "I've already told you. It was a lust potion. Maybe I keep saying it because it's true. Ever think of that?"

"Fine. Whatever. I think you're making a big mistake though. You really ought to go back to James. He's not a bad person, you know."

"If you want him, you can have him."

Lily left Veronica in the common room to go up to the dorms. She flopped on her bed and looked at the ceiling. She grabbed her pillow and huffed heavily into it.

Later that evening, she twisted her wand in her fingers, moving it back and forth on her bed. Her mind was clouded by a hollow emptiness and her throat clenched in her grief. She heard Elizabeth laughing with Mary as she played with Mary's hair.

She lost her grip on her wand and it rolled to the side. She attempted to grab it, but missed. It rolled off her bed. Lily sighed as she pulled herself to her knees and crawled to bed's edge. She could not see the wand. Huffing, she got to her feet and kneeled down by the bed. She lifted the bed's skirt and looked under the bed. She saw her wand and grabbed for it. With a glance, she noticed something missing. In a panic, she moved around the few items under the bed and gasped at the reality of what was missing. She quickly removed herself under the bed and looked under everyone else's. She dove under each of the other four beds and shoved things around at a frantic pace.

"Lily, what are you doing?" Mary asked.

"My box-my box is missing. It was under my bed. It's missing."

"What box?"

"My blue one. About a foot tall and three feet wide. It's gone. It was under my bed, but it's not there."

"Unless it was charmed to move, it didn't get up and walk away." Melody said.

"It wasn't charmed to move, but it had lock charms on it. It had important things, private things in it."

"I'm sure it's there." Melody said.

"No. I looked. It's gone." As she removed herself from under Mary's bed, she banged her head at the edge of the bedpost. "Ouch." She rubbed her head and grumbled softly to herself. "It's not under any of yours either."

"Well, we don't want your box, Lily." Elizabeth stated, combing Mary's hair again.

"Well, it's gone. I didn't move it. I haven't touched it."

"Maybe your boyfriend has it."

Lily looked daggers at Karen. "No. He's not been up here. He's not even aware of it."

Karen rolled her eyes. "Seems like a likely thief to me."

Lily scoffed. "And Leopold wouldn't be, right?"

"No. He's a Gryffindor, not a Slytherin."

"So? Look at Peter. Scum at its finest."

"Peter?" Mary asked.

"Pettigrew."

"That's not nice." Beth snapped. "He's a little odd, but not scum."

"Oh, yeah. You'll find out in a couple days how nice he is." Lily looked through her trunk. "Dammit." She slammed the trunk's lid down. "If someone took that box-I swear."

"Why would someone want your silly box?"

"Because it has-" Lily gasped.

"What?" Mary asked. "Has what?"

"No, that's not possible. They couldn't have been up here."

"Who?"

"Peter? Sirius? Even James or Remus, or, or, anyone."

"No one let them up here." Karen said.

Melody looked away. Lily saw.

"Are you sure no one let anyone up here?"

"Well," Melody started. "Even if we did, they wouldn't touch your stuff."

Lily glared at Melody. "You let one of them up here? Didn't you?"

"Just Sirius."

Lily huffed in frustration, turned on her heel for the door. She yanked the door open and slammed it shut, practically running down the stairs. She searched the common room for any sign of a Marauder, but they were not there. She went up to the boys' dorm and began to pound on their door. James answered.

"Lily-um, what?"

"Where's Sirius?"

"In here, but"

Lily stormed into the room, pulling her wand out.

"Hey, hey, easy, Lily" James started, coming after her.

Lily rounded on Sirius. He jumped in surprise when he saw her.

"Give it!" She held out her hand.

"What?"

"You know what? Give it back!"

Sirius attempted to not smirk. "I have no idea what you are talking about."

"Don't play dumb."

"No claiming to be dumber than me? Isn't that what you are supposed to say? That I am better at it than you."

"Why would I say that? The only idiot here besides Pettigrew is you, so give it back-NOW!"

Peter snickered from his bed. Lily turned on him, pointing her wand. He cowered. She stopped herself short of a hex.

"If I didn't think I could get in more trouble, I would curse you right here, right now, you stupid, sick son-of-a-bitch! Nothing would give me more pleasure!” 

Remus's eyes grew wide at that statement, shock still plastered on his face from her display.

“More pleasure than when you let Snivellus’s little dick inside of you I’m sure.” Sirius sneered. 

Lily rounded her wand back at Sirius, who gulped. “You should know what his dick looks like considering how frequently you enjoyed taking his pants off. Bet it’s bigger than yours.” She pushed her wand into his cheek and he winced. “And no, I don’t want to find out.” 

Remus blinked rapidly and looked between the group. James just stood at the open door holding his wand down with wide eyes. 

Lily ignored them and glared into Sirius’s dark eyes. "Now, give me that box back now!"

"Why would I have it?"

"Melody told me she brought you up to the room and you are the only one who would take it so give it back to me! It's called stealing if you take something personal of mine without my permission, Black! And I don't give you permission to take my blue treasure box so you best hand it over and I won't get you in more trouble for stealing!"

"Finders Keepers." He whispered.

"Not when it's in _my_ room under _my bed_ with _my_ name on it! Give it!"

Sirius leaned into her ear. "Don't have it. Already given away."

"Then you best get it back!" She snapped in a loud whisper.

"Gave it to Dumbledore. You hid evidence in there and he needed to look at it."

Lily raised an eyebrow sceptically. "Why would you do that? Those are my personal items! They have nothing to do with this. I swear, if you are ever in our dorm again and you so much as even think about laying a hand on any of my items, you will regret the day you were born."

"I can't help it if girls like getting laid with me."

Lily knew she looked repulsed. She huffed in disgust and left the room, glaring back at Peter. "You best watch your back, Pettigrew. Severus and I-we are a lot smarter and faster than you are." She slammed their door and went back to her dorm.

"I can't believe you-letting him in!" She shouted at Melody.

"He's cute and we've been going out."

"And you slept with the two-timing shithead!"

"Hey!"

"He told me. I'm not an idiot! You let him in here to fuck him and he stole my box in the process so thanks, thanks a lot! I don't know what he did with it or if he messed up anything! It had some of my old potions in there! They may think I did this! You may have just ruined my life for good!”

"You did that yourself by sleeping with Severus, Lily. You got pregnant by him so how dare you criticize Melody!" 

"I was under a potion at the time. We both were!" Lily put up her hands. "You know what? I don't want to hear it-I don't-I'm done." She went into the bathroom, conjured up a pillow and screamed into it. She slid down the door until she was seated on the floor. Tears blurred her vision and she sniffed.

She closed her eyes and thought of somewhere safe. She saw her mother baking bread in the oven and could smell her famous coffee cakes. The round oak table with her mother's hand sewn white lace tablecloth on it was vivid in her mind with a steaming hot roast and potatoes in the middle waiting to be eaten. She saw her mother's long brown hair pinned back with her lacy apron on. She looked a lot like Petunia without the horse shaped face. Lily had taken her father's red hair. Her green eyes came from her grandmother. She could smell the pipe tobacco under her nose as she remembered her father.

Lily saw the old park up the road with the creaking swings and the rush of the water flowing in the river nearby. She thought of her prior summers and her mind came to Severus. She sighed to herself. Being a witch was far more complicated than she ever thought it would be. Ever since she had stepped off the train that first day at age eleven, nothing had been what it seemed. Some things were so wonderful about this world and other things were a nightmare. Right now she felt like she was living in her own personal hellhole. The reality of leaving for good in just four months made her tough it out. She was Gryffindor. She was brave. She could get through this. 

An idea suddenly hit her. Why didn’t she think of it before? She knew how to get the truth, even if only for their own sake. She banished the pillow and tore out of the dorms and raced down the Slytherin dorms. 

“Get lost, Gryffindor?” A voice sneered as she reached the entrance. She turned and scoffed. 

“Is Severus in there?” 

“Oh, that’s right? You’re the mudblood he knocked up.” 

She curled her lip up and rolled her eyes. “Get me Severus, fifth year.” She taunted. 

He sneered again before going into the dorm.

Severus was in the back doing some homework. “Yo, Severus.” 

He glanced up. 

“Your mudblood girlfriend is outside lookin’ for ya!” 

Others in the room had turned to stare at him. “We don’t use that word.” Severus snapped at him as he shut his book and shoved into his bag. 

“That’s what she is, Snape.” 

“I SAID, we don’t use that word!” Severus glared daggers into the fifth-year student. He bumped into the boy with his shoulder as he passed him. He exited the dorms to find Lily standing there. “What’re you doing down here?” 

“I have a plan, even if just for us to get to the truth.” 

“Oh?” 

“It’ll take a month if we tried ourselves, but we can steal some from Slughorn. It only takes three drops after all. Then we can put it back. Slughorn won't know.” 

Severus’s mouth gaped a little. “Are you suggesting what I think you’re suggesting?” 

“Sirius stole my box with a mix of old potions I’ve made. He turned it into Dumbledore or so he claims. He could get me in trouble as well for experimenting. I need the truth and if the ministry won’t do it, then I will. You in?” 

Severus grinned, “Of course. You know I want revenge for all this.”

**A week later**

Lily headed down to the common room behind Anna, another Gryffindor her age who was in a separate dorm. Lily had been thankful for Anna since the incident started. She was one of the only people not judging her for what happened. In fact, Anna had shocked her by saying that if he had not been pulled into the Death Eaters by his housemates, she had figured that Lily would have ended up in a relationship with Severus eventually. While it had shocked her to hear that, she had been happy to hear it as well. Since then, she had spent more time around Anna.

As she exited through the portrait, she saw McGonagall ascending the steps.

"Ms. Evans?"

Lily looked up at her. "Yeah?"

"At four this evening we will discuss our decisions on the matter at hand."

Lily gulped. "Four?"

"Yes, this evening. You must be there at four on the dot by the Headmaster's office entrance, understand?"

Lily nodded. "Yes, ma'am. Today at four by the stone entrance."

McGonagall turned at the stairs of the tower and headed down a short hallway. Lily swallowed hard, making her throat hurt a little.

"I'm sure everything will be fine." Anna reassured her.

Lily sighed and headed down the stairs to class.

As Severus entered the common room that morning, he saw Slughorn standing there.

"Mr. Snape, just the person I was looking for."

Severus quietly cleared his throat and clicked his tongue. "Looking for me?"

"Yes. We have made our decisions. At four this evening. Be by the entrance to the Headmaster's office then."

Severus swallowed hard. "Yes, sir. I will. Be there at four, that is."

"Good. Off to class then."

Severus nodded and exited the room. He took a deep breath, his inner muscles twitching slightly. He saw Lily sitting with Anna in the back of the room when he entered the classroom. He saw James Potter sitting with another Gryffindor. Severus huffed and took his seat beside Avery.

**2:30 PM-Potions Class**

"The directions to start are on the board and the rest are in your book."

Lily started to crush her seeds. Severus worked on slicing the petals for the potion. He scratched out some things in his textbook.

"Three stirs counterclockwise." He spoke quietly to himself. He stirred and then added the crushed seeds.

As he looked at his former scratches in his book, he made a note on the seeds above his own marks. He peered over at Lily and was suddenly sprayed with something glutinous and slimy that smelled like formaldehyde. He heard some gasps and wiped whatever it was from his eyes. He was handed a towel.

"Don't worry, it's nothing dangerous." Slughorn spoke.

Severus grumbled as he wiped off his face. He realized it was newt guts and they were all over his robes and hair as well.

"Your potion is almost complete as it is. I'll give you full credit since it appears to have been done correctly up to this point."

Lily heard a splat as she finished her potion and heard some gasps. She looked up thinking someone's potion exploded and saw Severus covered in something green and yellow. To her disgust, she realized it was the newt guts all over him. She knew he was not careless and her stomach lurched. She did not have a good feeling about this. Slughorn hurried over with a towel. She turned back to her potion, her eyes wondering from her potion to the others in the room. She saw some people snickering here and there, aggravating her.  
She bottled her potion and looked back over at Severus.

"Why don't you go wash up?" Slughorn suggested.

Severus nodded and bottled his potion as Lily put her potion on Slughorn's desk. She cleaned up her area as Severus cleaned up his.  
Lily went to Slughorn's desk. "Is it alright if I go ahead and leave?"

Slughorn smiled at her. "Sure. Great job on your potion. It looks perfect."

"Thanks." She left the room as Severus gathered his belongings.

Severus found Lily out in the hallway. "What're you doing?"

"Seeing if you are okay."

"I'm fine. I just need to shower and change clothes."

"Plus, I wanted to leave. I think someone did that on purpose."

"Stating the obvious, huh?"

Lily rolled her eyes as she walked with him. "Don't be a jerk. I'm just tired of all this."

"I'm not being a jerk. It's just obvious. People are mad at me over this."

"They aren't exactly cutting me much slack either."

"The professors are."

"My dorm mates aren't. My housemates aren't either. I'm the one who supposedly cheated on James Potter. You know him, right? Other girls all over him? Quidditch chaser and star? Head of Gryffindor? That guy? Some of the girls want me in a meat grinder right now for this."

"Unfortunately I do." Severus spoke the password to the Slytherin dorms. Lily entered with him.

"Well, all that matters is what the professors, headmaster and the Minister think about you and they all seem to have a liking to you that they don't have for me." He threw his things down by his bed with a huff. He got in his drawer and pulled out clean clothes. "I'm going to take a shower and see if I can get the guts out of my hair."

Lily sat on Severus's bed, looking through her Charms textbook to get her mind off what was to come. She practiced a few of the charms while Severus showered.  
Severus came out of the bathroom twenty minutes later with his hair still damp from the shower. Lily shut her textbook.

"I don't know who exploded the newt guts on you. I'd hex them for you if I knew."

"Don't worry about it. I expected this sort of backlash over this. People will never be content with this, as the Minister called it, scandal. It will last until we graduate. Four months to go."

She heaved a heavy sigh through her nose. "Guess we should head up soon?" Lily's voice cracked slightly as she spoke.

"I'm sure everything will be fine."

Lily nodded, but she could tell by his quivering voice that he was not sure of that statement himself. The only noise came from a clock ticking on the wall.

"You want to practice some defences? I can't just sit here." Lily finally spoke after a minute.

"Sure."

Lily tossed her Charms book on his bed and leapt to her feet, pulling out her wand. Severus pulled out his own wand. Lily threw a hex his direction. He blocked it and threw one back. She blocked it. He smiled at her.

"What?"

"Nothing. You are good."

Lily scoffed. "Are you saying I shouldn't be after seven years in this school?"

"No. You just always amaze me with your talent."

"Are you suggesting you are better?" She half smirked.

"That would be a stupid thing to suggest. It's certainly not true on many levels."

Lily sighed and threw a jinx his way. He was caught off-guard and missed the chance to block. His legs turned stiff and he lost his balance. He fell to the floor. Lily gasped and ran over to him.

"I'm sorry. I thought you were ready." She kneeled to him to undo the jinx.

"People aren't always going to strike when you are ready."

"No, but we are only practicing. My intention isn't to harm you." She looked at him and caught his eyes. Her stomach swarming with butterflies as his obsidian coloured eyes looked back at her.

She watched him reach out and run his fingers through her hair. Her heart began to pound so hard she thought it might burst through her chest. She could feel him gently pulling her closer to him and she did not object.

Severus looked at her eyes and then at her soft, pink lips. He sat up and unintentionally moved her closer. He let go. She leaned into him, tucking a lock of her hair behind her ear. Their lips touched and he found himself lying down again.

Lily removed her lips from his, smiling. "We need to go."

"Let's not."

"I don't want to find out either."

"We have to go though."

"We do, but I don't want to go."

"We still have to go."

Lily sighed and jumped as the doorknob turned. She scrambled to her feet with Severus. Severus shook his head to shake off the effects of the jinx. The door opened and Rosier and Travers entered.

"Oh, look, the mudblood is here. I don't think you have time to fuck her again, do you?" Travers laughed.

Lily scoffed and folded her arms across her chest. Severus narrowed his eyes and huffed.

"Come on, Sev. We need to go."

She made it to the door with Severus behind her when Mulciber entered the room.

"Don't bother coming in, Avery. The whore's here with Snape."

Lily’s blood boiled but turned on her heel and started to leave. Severus, however, was not leaving.

"What'd you call her?" He demanded, his eyes almost slits.

Mulciber looked over at Snape with a sneer.

Rosier snickered. "Ooh. Snape's getting defensive."

"What would you call a girl who has a boyfriend, but fucks someone else instead?" Mulciber asked.

Before Severus could speak, Avery approached the room. He looked at Lily. "Considering how happy you seemed after that night with her, I'd guess she knew her stuff." He walked past Lily. "Too bad she's a mudblood."

Mulciber looked over Lily. "Look at those breasts. Bet she has her pick of the boys here who could use a good fuck." He reached for her breasts and she grabbed his wrist.

"Don't!" She looked Mulciber straight in the eye. "Even think about it."

Severus glared daggers at Mulciber. Lily let go and Mulciber sneered.

"The perfect Gryffindor head of house. They suck at picking them all the time. `Course they'd pick the pretty little slut to be their charge. Makes their image look good."  
Without thinking, he advanced on Mulciber, he yanked out his wand, rammed his balled fist and hexed him, knocking him to the ground.

Lily turned back as Severus hexed Mulciber. She watched Mulciber stumble backward and hit the ground. Her eyes got wide and her jaw dropped.

Avery pulled out his wand and Severus yanked out his own. Lily gasped, touching the pocket with her own wand.

"Sev, let's go. We're going to be late. Forget them, they can all go to hell."

Severus glared daggers at Avery and Mulciber before grabbing the door handle and closing the door shut. He walked up the stairs with Lily.

"I can't believe you actually hexed him."

"He deserved it."

"You didn't have to defend me."

"Like I would let someone stand there and insult you that way."

"Well...thanks. He was just being a jackass though."

"He was trying to degrade you."

"I know. Believe me, I know. I'm not worthy to him so he doesn't care. It's you who has to go to bed with them at night."

"You are worth me getting pulverized. It's wrong of them to call you that."

Lily smiled at him. She put her hand on his back as they walked to the gargoyle to enter Dumbledore's office. They made it with two minutes to spare. James, Sirius and Peter were already there.

Lily and Severus ignored them. Five minutes passed before McGonagall and Slughorn arrived and took them up to the office.

The adults spoke to James first. James left the office. Sirius was next. When he came out, he glared at Severus before descending the stairs. 

“Pettigrew may join when he's ready.” They left the door cracked. 

Lily and Severus jumped at the chance. He grabbed Pettigrew and pushed his arms behind his back. With James and Sirius both gone, he did not have a chance. Lily took out a bottle and held his jaw open and squirted three drops of the potion into his mouth. Severus let go and they smirked at him. Visibly shaken, he stumbled to the door. 

“Good luck, Peter.” Lily chuckled. 

Severus and Lily sat outside of the office for about thirty minutes. When Peter emerged, two Ministry officials were leading him down the stairs. They smiled at each other. 

"Looks like you won. The plan worked" He said to her. "He is getting his retribution for doing what he did to you. Wonder if Potter was right about him saying the curse?” 

Lily nodded. "Feels like raw justice though."

"Best we can do now. Can't fix what’s been done."

Dumbledore opened the door. "Ms. Evans? When you are ready."

Lily gulped and got to her feet. She took a deep breath and stepped into the room. The door slammed behind her. Even though she expected the door to slam, she jumped. She looked around the room and swallowed hard. She did not like this one bit.


	18. Early Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lily and Severus have a proposal for their future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ignore previous chapter 18 update. I accidentally posted chapter 8 again for some reason. It's been a long week, so please excuse my stupid.

Lily looked around the room. Her heart raced at the number of people standing around with expressionless faces. There were about a half dozen people that she had never seen before. 

"You may sit, dear."

Lily shook her head and slowly sat down. "What are these people doing here?"

"Ministry officials on the case." The Minister spoke. He cleared his throat. "Now, to the matter at hand. We have spent a lot of time evaluating your statement and the statements of the others. Based on a few other observations from several students here and evidence found, we have reasoned that you will not bear any responsibility for what has happened. What the school has decided is another matter."

Lily let out a small sigh of relief.

"However, we have considered the statements of the others and have concluded that punishment is necessary for everyone involved.” 

The hairs stood up on the back of her neck. "Punishment?"

"Yes."

Dumbledore looked at Lily. "You will not be punished by the school for anything that has happened. None of what has occurred can be blamed on you."  
McGonagall cleared her throat. "No house points will be deducted by you. You will not receive any detention or punishment from me. You will not lose your status as Head Girl for this either." 

Lily let out another sigh of relief. She was not relaxed though. _"What about Severus? What would his punishment be?"_

"Will Severus be punished?"

"That." The Minister stated. "Is not something we can discuss with you."

"I hope you don't punish him. It's not his fault. None of this is. He's really not been anything but supportive to me. Despite what happened, he's not left my side. I-just-he doesn't deserve to be punished. We're already being punished enough."

"We've heard your statements before." The Minister said. "Your statement won't change our opinions on this matter."

Dumbledore cleared his throat. "Thank you, Lily. We appreciate your cooperation through this. You may go. You will be led out."

Lily got up and left the room. She looked at Severus. As she started down the stairs slowly, looking back at him, he was called into the room.

"Mr. Snape?"

Severus watched Lily descend the stairs, glancing back at him every other step with unease. It did not make him feel any better about this situation.

He stepped into the office and his throat went dry at the number of people around the room. He did not like the look of the situation.

"You may be seated." The Minister said.

Severus sat down slowly looking at the men and women he had never seen before standing there with emotionless expressions.

"As you are aware, we spoke to you about a week ago and asked some questions."

"Yes."

"We have taken all the statements and listened to several other students discuss the situation where Ms. Evans was struck with the banned illegitimate curse. For that incident, you will not face any punishment for harm caused to Ms. Evans. The Ministry will not be punishing you for that incident."

Dumbledore nodded to the Minister. "The school does not find any guilt on your part for what happened to Ms. Evans. However, you will receive a week's worth of detention for your part in the duel between yourself, Mr. Potter and Mr. Black."

Severus grumbled to himself. "Are Potter and Black getting any punishment or am I the only one?"

"Mr. Potter and Mr. Black have detention for the duel as well. You will spend your detention with Professor Slughorn."

Severus nodded. "Okay. When do I start?"

"Sunday evening at four. Rest of the week will be the same time." Slughorn said.

Severus huffed to himself. "Great."

"Now, back to the other matter." The Minister spoke up. "The potion incident. Based off the statements and evidence received, we find the act itself that resulted in Ms. Evans' becoming with child-"

Severus rolled his eyes. "Sex?"

"There is no need for that."

"It's just a word. You're married with a couple kids. You've obviously done it yourself a few times."

"We are not discussing what happens between adults."

"I'm 18. That's an adult in this world. Lily and I were adults when this happened."

"Don't take away from the matter at hand. You are set for a trial hearing on March 15 at two in the afternoon. Yes, that's a Wednesday and you will be excused from your classes that afternoon."

Severus sat up straighter. "Trial? For what?” 

"Yes. The Ministry finds you guilty of creating unauthorized potions."

Severus blinked. "What? But-"

"Do not speak right now."

Severus got quiet.

"Now, that does not matter. As a rule we do not allow any minor or any student still in school to experiment. Adults with permits may experiment freely. You do not have such a permit to experiment with your potions, which could be very dangerous. The punishment for unauthorized experimentation of potions is service work for two weeks for the Ministry. We realize this will be difficult as a student so we have decided to reduce it to evening work for two hours once your detention with the school is over for two weeks?"

He clenched his fists. "Three weeks of detention?"

McGonagall spoke up, “Minister, I think that’s rather extreme. Mr. Snape is far from the only student who does this.” 

“We already made our decision on this. We are not tolerating this school’s lack of discipline on this matter. More students will be punished. We have a list.” The Minister spoke terse and pointed to a blue box on Dumbledore’s desk. “But this cannot be tolerated.” 

McGonagall frowned with a deep glare at the Minister. 

"We could fine you a great sum instead." 

"How much?" Severus asked through gritted teeth.

"About 496 Galleons, 8 Sickles and 26 Knuts."

Severus cringed. "I guess I will take the detention." He mumbled, a bitter feeling rising inside of his body, itching through his veins. He swallowed his anger into the pit of his belly, causing his stomach acid to bubble with resentment.

"The school has decided what to do about this as well." McGonagall spoke.

Severus huffed. "Let me guess. More detention?"

"Not exactly, Mr Snape. Two days suspension from all classes for you. No events for the next month. This means you may not participate or watch the Quidditch free play games and no visit to Hogsmeade this month. You will all spend those evenings with Filch. We have deduced 50 house points from you for your part in the duel. We think our punishments fit accordingly.” She turned to the Minister with narrowed eyes. “At least here at the school.” She turned back to Severus, “And yes, Mr. Potter, Mr. Black, Mr. Fielding and Mr. Ward are receiving the same punishment.” 

Severus started to say that it was just a stupid game, but decided against saying anything out loud in case they wanted to change his punishment. He just nodded. "Reasonable punishment."

Slughorn cleared his throat. "You have lost 50 house points. However, I feel based on Ms. Evans' testimony about you that you also deserve some of them back. I am awarding 10 points for your courage to be a friend to Ms. Evans throughout this."

"So I lost our house 40 points?"

"You have time to gain them back."

"The hearing coming up will determine anything else. Thank you for your cooperation, Mr. Snape. You may go, but will be escorted out."

Severus got to his feet and left the office, frowning and clenching his fists.

As he got to the stairs to head for the lower levels, he saw Lily standing there. She got to her feet at the sight of him.

"What'd they say? Please tell me they didn't expel you. If they did-I-I can't-I won't stay here."

"That's stupid. You ought to finish your education regardless of whether I do."

Lily frowned. "I don’t want to be here without you.”

"You still have Anna, Sarah and Carolyn."

"Yeah, but it’s not the same."

"You still shouldn't consider quitting."

"Why not? We don't need any more education, not really. I'll just ask to take my NEWTS now and get out of here. Slughorn would probably agree and I could probably convince McGonagall as well. Flitwick and the others, we shouldn't have any problems getting to agree."

Severus looked at Lily. "You think so?"

"What? That I could convince them to let me do it?"

"You think they will let you?"

"I don't know. Probably."

"Would they let both of us?"

"I don't know, why? Are you being expelled?"

"No."

Lily let out a deep breath. "Thank god."

"But I am on suspension from classes Monday and Tuesday, have four weeks of detention and a trial coming up."

"What?" She gasped. "A trial? What for?"

"Over my experimentation over potions."

"That's insane." 

"Doesn't matter. Trial is on the 15th."

Lily huffed. "Four weeks of detention?"

"One week with Slughorn. Not bad. Two with the Ministry in the evenings for two hours. Another week with Filch after that. But, maybe I could convince them to take my NEWTS now, leave school and maybe work with the Ministry instead."

"Did you lose any house points?"

"40 total in the end. Was 50, but his favourite student, which is you, was treated well by me so he gave me 10 of them back."

"But you still have four weeks detention."

Severus sighed. "Yes." He looked at her. "You think they would let us take the NEWTS early?"

Lily shrugged. "I don't know. It's worth asking. I think I could do them."

Severus nodded. "I think I could pass them and do fine. May be difficult for the practical part since the professors don't do it."

"Well, I personally think that we have suffered quite a bit at the hands of others. We have been threatened and degraded continuously over all this and therefore we both feel that leaving this institution and getting out into the world would be best for everyone. How's that for an explanation?"

"Sounds good to me." 

“How did they even know you experiment with potions?” 

“Talk I guess and seems they found some box of mine. Made it sound like it had potions inside.” 

Lily’s blood ran cold, “Box?” 

“Yeah, some blue box. Guessing Black or Potter or both set me up. Lily?” Her face had gone pale and she was trembling. 

“They said it was yours?” 

“They implied it.” 

Lily’s mouth went dry and she started to have trouble breathing. “I-I can’t.” She ran back up the stairs. 

“Lily, wait-what?” 

She bolted to the top and knocked frantically on the door. It opened and she burst in. 

“Ms. Evans, what brings you back?” Dumbledore smiled, but Lily couldn’t quite place his expression. It was like he had expected her return. 

She glanced between them and saw the blue box still sitting on the desk. Her blue box. “That box.” 

They all turned to the desk. 

“It’s not Severus’s. It-it’s mine.” 

“Ms. Evans, this was turned in to us as Mr. Snape’s.” The Minister spoke. 

“It’s not his. It’s mine. I did those potions. Sirius-he-he stole it from my room a few days ago. Said he gave it to Professor Dumbledore. I thought it was to get me in trouble. Now-now I see he did to get Severus in trouble.” 

McGonagall held a deep frown, “Lily, do you understand what admitting the box is yours will mean?” 

She shook her head, “Doesn’t matter. I can’t allow him to get in trouble for something that’s not his. If it means I am to be punished, then so be it.” 

They glanced between each other and the Minister motioned the others to him and waved Lily to the door telling her to hold there. 

After a few minutes of hushed whispers and her heart racing, they turned back to her. 

“Okay, then. We will need to discuss this matter further, however, you can expect punishment in the form of nightly detention for two weeks for one hour. Starting on Sunday evening.” 

She nodded, “Yes, sir. I understand.” 

“And you will attend the trial on the 15th with all the other students for unauthorized potion making. Can you tell Mr Snape to return to us?” 

She left the office and saw Severus waiting for her with a befuddled expression. “The Minister wants to see you. It’s a good thing.”

He started to speak, but McGonagall was at the door and waved him in. He raised an eyebrow at Lily, who attempted a half smile. 

“Mr Snape?” The door shut behind him. “It seems we may have been a little hasty. In light of some new revelations, we have removed your punishment with the Ministry to just one week. One hour for one week starting Sunday evening. Your punishment with the school will being the following week." 

Severus blinked and his jaw dropped slightly. “What? Why?” 

“No further questions. You may go.” 

He stood there for a moment, his head spinning. Finally, he turned and left the office. 

“What did you tell them?” 

Lily grinned, “The truth.” 

“How did that reduce my punishment?” 

“Because you aren’t getting in trouble for something you didn’t do.” Lily looked into his eyes and touched his back, moving close enough until her body was almost against his. "Sev, I"

"What?" He ran his rough hand over her shoulder.

"I just wanted to say that-something I haven't said really. No matter what happens in the end. I-I love you. I just wanted you to-know that."

"Don't worry. I already knew."

Lily felt his lips over hers and she ran her hand through his hair. His hands slid down her back. As he reached just above her buttocks, someone cleared their throat.

"Ah-hem."

Lily and Severus gasped and moved apart quickly, letting go of each other. They turned to see Slughorn standing nearby. The heat rose in her face and Severus glanced away. 

"Professor, um-we were looking for you." Lily spoke up.

"You were, were you?"

"Yes. Severus and I have been talking-"

"Talking, eh? You weren't doing much talking just now."

Severus’s face grew a little hot.

"No, but we were-before. We have a proposal to ask." Lily said, smoothing the top of her robes.

Slughorn raised an eyebrow."A proposal?"

"Yes, sir. Can we discuss it in your office?"

"Sure. No more affection displays. Won't take off any points this time, but you get caught by another professor and you just might. None of that."

Lily nodded. "We won't, especially if the proposal goes through."

"Come on down to the old office then and we can talk about your proposal."

Lily and Severus followed Slughorn down to his office.

"Take a seat. Can I offer you tea or some button mints?"

They both shook their heads.

"No, thank you." Lily said.

"Me either."

"Okay, then." Slughorn sat down in his chair. "So, what is it you wish to propose, as you say?"

"Well, I, Severus and I, that is, have been talking and we think-we'd like to go ahead and take our NEWTS."

"You want to take your NEWTS early?"

Severus nodded. "I would like to double up, having the detentions here and do the Minister’s in the evening. I can get my homework done at lunch and dinner and study for the NEWTS in the evenings and nights when not in detention. Then Lily and I take out NEWTS and leave school the following week or so, whenever we can take and finish our NEWTS."

Lily cleared her throat. "Severus and I are not comfortable here. Since all this happened, we have had major backlash. Degrading us, mostly me as a slut, even from my own roommates. We've received threats. I have been hexed and cursed and so has Severus and it's all over this incident that we never asked for in the first place."

"When my detention is over and the trial, barring I am not in serious trouble, we’d like to leave. We just think getting out of this school would be best." 

“Same here. I can have my detention this week and study for NEWTS during my breaks and at night.” 

Severus raised his forehead at Lily. 

Slughorn cleared his throat. "So you two want to take your NEWTS next week and Mr Snape, you want to double your detention hours this coming week, is that correct?"

"Yes, sir. Same amount of punishment, just all at once"

"Then you want to take your NEWTS?"

Severus nodded. "Yes. We do not feel safe here and wish to leave. Here we are stuck closed into dorms, having to sleep at night with others who are ready to, as Lily puts it, stick us through a meat grinder. Tension for everyone would lessen if we both left. We'd be given the chance to start contributing to our world if we could leave."

Slughorn cleared his throat again. "Well...I don't see why it would hurt anything. You both are certainly intelligent enough to pass your Potion NEWTS with flying colours. I will have to speak with the Headmaster, however, and find someone to give you two the exam. If you two were not my best students, I would not consider it, but I know you will be fine."

"So," Lily started. "You are going to let us take it?"

"I will have to discuss the proposal with the Headmaster, but I do not see a problem. I advise the both of you to go speak with the other professors you have to see if they are okay with the idea as well."

Severus’s mouth twitched into a smile and Lily’s eyes brightened. 

"Thank you, Professor. We appreciate it. We will go speak with the others. Come on, Sev."

Severus got up. "Thanks."

They went to their Charms professor next and made their rounds. They went to McGonagall last.

"So, what are you proposing?"

"Well, Severus and I do not feel comfortable in this school anymore. We have been degraded, hexed randomly, cursed and threatened over this incident multiple times. Our roommates are barely speaking to us. They are really, really angry with us actually. So, we would both like to take our NEWTS next week."

"I have spoken to Slughorn already about my punishments and asked to double them this coming week. He said that would be fine."

"You still have a trial coming up so you cannot leave the country if that's your intention."

"It's not. We'll only leave the country if we want after this is all over. My punishment and trial."

"You won't get a prison sentence even if you are found guilty." McGonagall looked between them. "You both really want to take the NEWTS so soon? It's barely March. The real tests are not until late June, more than three and half months away."

"Yes. I feel confident I can take the Transfiguration NEWTS with ease."

"Same here." Severus agreed.

McGonagall let out a heavy sigh, silent for a minute. "You really want to take it now? You are only a couple months away from being finished for good."

They both nodded.

"Yes." Lily said. "I really think it would be best for us and for everyone if we left and got on with our lives. It's not that we want to just quit. We just think it would be much safer, even with the war going on out in our world, there's a war between us and our roommates as well."

McGonagall looked between them and was silent again for a minute. "I must run it by the Headmaster and you all must run it by all your other professors."  
Severus gave a curt nod. "We have. They are all fine with it."

"Well, guess I will have to let you take yours as well then. You all may go have some dinner before the meal is over."

Lily and Severus nodded, going down to the Great Hall. Severus sat with some third years and Lily sat with Anna and her sixth year friend, Carolyn. 

Severus went with Lily to the library after dinner and they studied for their NEWTS. Severus and Lily stayed at the library until the Librarian kicked them out after curfew. Severus walked Lily up to the tower.

"I'll see you tomorrow."

"I'll be okay. They go after me and they will be expelled. Mulciber has been in enough trouble with the Headmaster that one more incident will get him expelled. Avery is borderline and Travers is too dumb. Rosier is more bark than bite. Don't worry."

"You still hurt him and I don't-I don't trust them to not-"

"And not one person would get me in trouble. As I said, Mulciber would get in trouble. It's the one thing I think the professors would be on my side about. It involves you."

Lily nodded and kissed his lips. "Good night, Sev."

He gave her a kiss. "Night, Lily." He watched her go in through the portrait. He sighed and slowly headed down to the Slytherin dorms. The lights were not out yet, which meant professors were still up and about. He was not caught being out after curfew though.

The halls were eerily silent this time of the evening. Many of the portraits were sleeping and some were snoring. When he made it to the common room there were three girls, probably in third or fourth year, sitting by the fire and talking. He went down to the dorms. All four of his roommates looked at him when he entered. Severus said nothing and went into the bathroom. They did not say a word back.

Severus woke up the following morning. His head was stuck to the pillow and he realized one of his roommates had used the honey hair jinx on him while he slept. He got out his wand and undid the jinx with a grumble. He got out of bed and took a shower. It was Saturday, meaning he could spend it in the library, studying and doing his homework with Lily, away from the others. Better to be under the scrutiny of the librarian than the hostility of his schoolmates.

As he rinsed out his hair, he hoped beyond hope that the headmaster would grant both him and Lily the opportunity to get out of here after next week. He did not think he could take four more months here at all.

When he left the bathroom, Rosier watched him.

"Where're you goin so early?"

"It's almost 10."

"And Saturday."

"I have to study."

"Sure you are. Studying what? The mudblood's tits? Or studying your hands up her robes to play with her"

"Just because you treat Emily as an object for your sexual pleasure doesn't mean I do the same to Lily."

"Hey, she likes it."

"Does she? I wouldn't be so sure of that." Severus shut the door behind him and left the bowels of the castle for the library.

Lily had a rough night and had woken up early, unable to sleep anymore. She decided to write a note to her mother about the possibility of coming home in a couple weeks. As she started to write it out, she realized her mother would want to know why she was leaving so early. She huffed and tossed the paper in the bin.

"I think it would best to just show up and surprise her. Then I can explain what all happened. No need to get her worked up until we know we can get out of here." A twinge of excitement hit her. "Out, getting out, getting away, having a life outside of school." She sighed with a smile on her face. "Please, please let them say yes, let us leave."  
When the clock struck eight, she decided to shower and get ready for the day. By nine, she headed up to the library though it did not open until ten.

Sunday came and neither heard a word about whether they could take their NEWTS.

"I will just ask Slughorn when I go for detention this evening."

Lily nodded, wrapping his fingers around hers. They were technically supposed to be studying, but they were not really doing much studying that afternoon. The library was occupied by a couple others, but was empty for the most part.

Severus started to slide his other hand up her side, taking some of her robes with him. Her lips tasted sweet, like honey today. His hand reached her breast. Lily slid her other hand down over his thigh toward his groin when they heard a loud cracking noise against their table.

"Break it up!" The librarian snapped and they broke apart. "None of that nonsense in here, understand?"

"Yes, ma'am." They said at the same time.

"Let go of her hand."

Severus let go.

"Now you, young lady, up and to the other side of the table. Up! Up!"

Lily sighed and got to her feet, taking her books and moved on the other side to face Severus instead.

"Hands and lips apart! This is a library, not a motel! Study your books, not each other!"

The librarian walked away. Lily looked at Severus and stifled a laugh. Severus gave her a tiny grin.

"You want to stop studying and go somewhere else?" Severus asked quietly.

Lily raised an eyebrow. "We don't have much time to do anything, if that's why you are thinking."

"Well, it is what I am thinking, but I just meant alone somewhere. We don't have time for that."

"We can go out to the courtyard or something and make out a little."

Severus cocked his neck slightly. "I don't think so."

"Why not?" She asked in a soft whisper.

"Because I will not want to stop there."

Lily shrugged with a nod. "Yeah, I probably won't either."

"I should probably go put up my things and head to detention."

Lily nodded. "I'll go with you. To put up your stuff. No use staying here and I don't want to go up to my dorm."

“You never said why they are punishing you?”

She shrugged. "Same as you. Unauthorized potion brewing. That blue box. It was mine. Sirius stole it from my room.” 

He gasped, “You let yourself get in trouble?” 

“Well, you didn’t think I’d let you be punished for my potions, did you?” 

He just sat there for a moment, unsure what to think or say. 

“It’s just detention for a few days. You’ve been punished enough. Now, c’mon, before we have to attend our detentions.” 

They gathered their things. The librarian was watching them intently, her eyes going from stacking books with her wand to the two of them. They left the library.

"I think she is going to watch our every move when we come into the library from now on." Severus said.

"So do I."

Lily stayed outside of the Slytherin dorms lest she find herself harassed by Severus's roommates again. Severus went down to his dorm and put up his things. Rosier was in the dorm with Emily. They were arguing.

"Get out of here!"

"My room too. Putting my things up."

"Oh, that's right. You've got detention."

"He has detention?" The honey-suckle blonde girl asked.

"Yeah. Got in trouble for fucking the mudblood and knocking her up."

Emily snickered. "That's right. He's the one that did it."

Severus left the room without another word and met Lily outside of the portrait to his dorms. "I'll see you later this evening?"

"If you aren't too tired."

"I'll be okay. See you at dinner or a little after eight if I have my other detentions."

"If you have your double detentions, don't worry about it. I'll see you tomorrow morning."

She attempted to kiss his check, but he turned and she kissed his neck instead. He kissed her lips in return before walking to the dungeons for his detentions. Lily watched him go until he was out of sight. Sighing, she slowly turned and headed up the stairs, deciding she would head back to the library until dinner and her own detention. 

Severus knocked on Slughorn's door.

"Come in."

Severus entered.

"Ah, Severus. Here for detention already?"

"It's five till four."

"Well, we can start you early. I don't have much for you to do so I was thinking you could straighten up some files a bit."

Severus cleared his throat. "So, do you know if Lily and I-if we can take our NEWTS early?"

Slughorn gave a little shrug. "That I don't know. I said I was fine with it. There were some issues that needed resolving first."

"Issues?" 

"Minor ones. Now, shall we put you to work so I can say I gave you detention?"

Severus sighed to himself and started to sort the files. He had a light dinner and the Ministry decided to have Severus work with Filch that evening. Filch had him scrubbing all the trophies and awards for two hours. Severus took a hot bath after that and collapsed into bed with a moan, his feet aching and his arms like rubber. It was going to be a very long week.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just to note. The fee is equal to 5000 US Dollars, which equals to 3158 UK Pounds which equals to 3758 Euros. Either way, a lot of money for most people even today. I will say that $5000 is about what a uni costs for a semester without room and board here in the US, so for someone without much money to throw around, that's a hefty sum. I’m a teacher, so you can guess I sure as hell don’t have that kind of sum to toss at anyone, let alone someone from a poor family in the 1970s having that kind of cash.


	19. Homeward Bound

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lily and Severus get their wish.

Severus nearly bumped into Slughorn as he left the Slytherin dorms for his detention Monday. 

“Mr. Snape, I was just looking for you.”

He mentally groaned. “I was on my way.”

“Professor Dumbledore would like to see you in his office first.” 

He gulped. 

Severus found Dumbledore sitting at his desk with a smile. He was unsure if he should trust that smile. The door closed behind him. 

“Mr. Snape, take a seat.” 

He slowly went over and sat down on the other side of the desk facing the Headmaster. 

“Fancy a lemon drop?” 

“Um, no, thanks.” 

Dumbledore smile met his eyes and he gave Severus a nod of acknowledgement. “Very well. No need to be worried. I impart some good news. We had a long discussion with the Ministry yesterday as we feel they may have overstepped their bounds a little with Hogwarts matters. The issues related to unauthorized experimentation of potions here have been dismissed. You and Ms Evans will no longer be receiving any punishment from the Ministry on this matter. Your detentions with the school will remain, however.” 

“So, there’s no punishment or trial with the Ministry?”

“No. The Minister was being rather hasty after the use of lust potions and an illegal curse used on students within the school. The issues with general potion use and experimentation have been settled. You will continue your detention with Professor Slughorn, and all school punishments will remain.” 

Severus nodded. “Yes, sir.” 

“I trust you will inform Ms. Evans on the matter?” 

He smiled, “Absolutely.” He started to get up. 

“Severus?” 

“Yes?” 

“Though you achieved your goal, you did so through unauthorized use of veritaserum. I will be taking 20 house points from you and Ms. Evans. Standard punishment, you must understand.” 

Severus gave a curt nod and frowned. While he expected to see him irate, there was almost a twinkle in Dumbledore’s eyes at the last sentence. He didn’t seem all that upset about the use of the veritaserum on Pettigrew. 

“Enjoy your evening, Severus.” 

He gave Dumbledore a brief nod before leaving his office. 

Severus met Lily in the library after dinner. He flopped into a chair beside her. “Haven’t had the chance to speak with you.” 

"Well, you were in detention.” She paused. “What about your night detention?”

"That’s why I wanted to talk to you. There isn’t any. Professor Dumbledore stopped me before my detention with Slughorn to say that we, you and me, we aren’t being punished by the Ministry any longer.” 

"Really? That’s strange. What happened?” 

“He didn’t say much. Just that they had a conversation with the Ministry and that all current detentions with them have been cancelled.”

“I wonder what changed.” 

Severus shrugged, “I’d guess they’re not happy with the idea of us being punished for general stuff that happens here. Probably talked about them interfering and the Ministry  
backed off. Who knows with politics.” 

“Well, whatever happened, I’m glad. Are you up to studying?" She pointed the Magical History book on the table. 

"Do I have a choice? If we are going to take our NEWTS here soon, I need to. I'll be okay."

"Ah-hem-hem." Someone loudly cleared their throat behind them.

Severus and Lily jumped in surprise and turned to see the librarian.

"One of you." She pointed to the other side.

"We weren't doing anything, just talking." Lily said.

"Move!" She snapped.

"I'll move." Lily sighed and moved to the other side of the table.

"Hands and lips to yourself!" She went back to her desk, her eyes darting back at them every couple of seconds.

"Okay, so we'll go over some of the Transfiguration stuff here. McGonagall told me to look at this section for the NEWTS."

Severus let out a huff and opened his book. "I was looking through the potions and charms texts earlier. I'll probably look at a couple more texts tomorrow since I am free from classes then as well."

"I studied earlier. I didn't really care about listening to the professors." She looked at him. "Peter got expelled."

"That's been confirmed?"

"Yep. Potter and Black said they made him take all his things and his parents came and picked him up. Potter's pissed at Pettigrew right now. Never knew he could be so mad at a friend. Potter and Black aren't really talking right now either. They apparently got in a big fight and are mad at each other. Lupin wouldn't say what they were mad about though."

A smile started on his lips. "Doubt it had anything to do with what he’s said to you, but that'd be nice to hear."

"It would. I don't know if they're going to do anything else about Peter or not. I do know that he's in a lot of trouble. Apparently, he did confess to everything thanks to our help."

Severus grinned.

**0o0o0o**

Severus had not even sat down at lunch on Thursday when an owl dropped a note, landing in the soup. He dried it off and opened it. After reading it over, he looked over at Lily, who was reading a note. She turned to him for a moment and smiled for a brief second.

Lily and Severus went up to Dumbledore's office during dinner.

"So, we are to understand that the two of you desire to take your NEWTS now?" Dumbledore asked.

"Yes, sir." Lily answered.

Severus nodded. "We think it would be best to get out here."

"You still must attend classes in the meantime."

"I know." Lily responded. “We are and will.” 

Dumbledore looked between them. "We have granted your request, Miss Evans, to take your NEWTS. You will begin them in two weeks, and you don't need to worry about your regular classes during that time.” 

Lily frowned. "What about Severus? If he's not going to get to take them, then I don't want to leave. I can't leave him here alone."

"Upon much consideration, we have decided to grant Mr. Snape the chance to take his NEWTS in two weeks as well."

Lily let out a sigh of relief. "Really? You're letting us take it-both of us?"

"Yes. The Monday after next, you will begin your NEWTS and take them into Tuesday. On Wednesday and Thursday, you will have your practical. I've arranged for Professor Flitwick to come and oversee your work. Friday you will have a down day. Saturday I've arranged for a carriage and train to take you home."

Lily turned to Severus, trying to hide her excitement. She saw him start to grin a little. "Thank you. We really appreciate this-doing this for us."

"Yeah, thanks." Severus said, half feeling his appreciation.

"You two may go."

They left the room and started down the hall. "Sev, are you okay? You're happy about this, aren't you?"

"Happy to get out, sure."

She stopped and frowned. "I figured you'd be more excited."

"I'm happy to leave, but you heard them. They didn't want to let me do it, but then decided they would. They want me out of here. That's why. Shouldn't surprise me."

She huffed, blowing a strand of hair that fallen in front of her face. "That's not what they said."

He glared at her. "It's what they meant whether they said it or not."

Lily huffed again, albeit slightly. "Well, look at the bright side. Just two more weeks and we can leave."

"That’s the only thing good about any of this."

"I'm going to look for a job when I get back. I once thought about an auror or a healer, but I think I'll find something else. Maybe with the Ministry temporarily. After graduation, we  
can make decisions. About what to do next."

Severus nodded. "Same. Looking for work. Well, I need to go to my detention. I'll see you tomorrow." He kissed her forehead. "Night."

"Night, Sev. See you tomorrow."

**The Following Sunday afternoon**

Severus saw Lily looking out the window in the library.

"Lily? Lily!"

She turned and shook her head. "What?"

"You're not studying much. We have three exams tomorrow."

"I'll be fine." She sighed. "Sev?"

He looked up from his book. "What?"

"You ever think about it?"

"Think about what?"

"I'd be about 13 weeks now."

Severus stopped reading over his charms text. "We can't bring it back."

"I know we can't. I just-I can't help but think-what if? What if it wasn't taken from me? I'd probably still be pregnant if he hadn't done it. I can't help but wonder about it. If it would've been a boy or a girl or what he or she would've looked like. I know I'll never know, but I think it would've been easier if I had aborted it or miscarried. Then it would've been my decision or something happened-something was wrong with the baby-I could accept it easier."

"It doesn’t do to dwell on the what-ifs.” He said matter-of-factly. 

Lily nodded. "I know. I just think about it. What would've happened if we'd had a baby this September? Then I think about it and think maybe it's best we aren't having one, yet I still feel like I was cheated."

"You were cheated."

"I do want a child or two. I've always wanted that. I didn't expect to have one so soon, but yes, I do feel we were cheated."

Severus shrugged slightly. "I don't feel that cheated. Me as a father doesn't sound right.” 

"I'm sure if we'd had one, you'd have been fine." Lily sighed. 

“Not sure how studying for exams made you return to your grief. You’ve been doing okay.” 

Tears glistened her eyes and he cursed to himself. 

“Did something happen? Someone say something?” 

She shook her head. “No. Nothing like that.” She glanced down at the crest on her robes. “I just-it’s been a rough day.” 

“Random grieving?” 

She coughed, pushing the lump in her throat back down, “It came back this morning.” Her voice was almost a whisper. 

“What came back?” 

“It hardly even hurts this time.” Her voice was still in a whisper as if she was terrified someone else would hear. 

“What doesn’t hurt?” He grumbled almost out loud. He hated when she was being abstruse.

She frowned. “Are you daft?” 

He set his quill down and frowned back at her. “No. I can’t just read your mind. Unless you wish for me to invade it. Don’t be so cryptic and just tell me.” 

She let out a long sigh and glanced around the moderately filled library. “I started again this morning.” 

He swallowed hard. Fuck. “See, now was it that hard to just tell me that? Explains your mood.” 

She scoffed. A little too loudly as a student at a nearby table turned from his book to stare at her a moment. She blushed a little and leaned into Severus. “What’s that supposed to mean?” Her words ready to lash him with her tongue. 

“You know what I mean. You always get in a mood then, but-”

She scoffed again, albeit more quietly this time. “I do not.” 

He shrugged, “Eh, well, you kinda do, but I get why you’d be so moody this time in particular.” 

Instead of the retort he was expecting, she sunk into her seat with her arms folded across her chest. 

“I shouldn’t be.” She swallowed so hard her throat ached a little. “If I had still been pregnant,” her voice was so quiet he barely heard her, “I wouldn’t have started today.” 

He wished he knew what to say to her. Sorry was an over said word. “I can’t fix this. If I could-” he stopped. "Let’s just focus on getting out of here. Right now, we need to focus on studying.” His gazed met hers and her eyes softened. With a slight nod, she uncrossed her arms and sat up straighter. “Want to quiz me a little?” Her eyes brightened at that and she gave a swift nod before taking the book he had pushed to her.

**0o0o0o**

It was a long week of exams. On Friday, Lily packed up all her belongings to go home from school for the last time.

"Lily, what're you doing?" Mary asked her.

"Why aren't you telling us anything?" Melody asked. "You miss classes all week and have been studying like crazy and now you're packing all your stuff. Are you leaving?"

"Tomorrow."

"Tomorrow what?" Melody looked confused.

"I'm leaving. I'm going home."

"What?" Mary asked, her jaw dropping.

"I'm going home. I'm done."

"What about your exams?"

"Took them this week."

"They let you?" Elizabeth asked in shock.

"They did. We want to leave and they let us."

"We?"

"Severus and I. We're both leaving."

"Both of you took the exams? That's so not fair." Niamh stated.

"It took some convincing, but yes, they let us." Lily huffed. " She looked around her bed one last time. "I think that's everything." She closed her trunk and put a lock spell on it.

"Come on, Lily. You can't fix what happened." Beth stated. "You can't assume the Snape kid will get out of this."

Lily turned to her with a deep glare. "He didn't do anything wrong. He did not do it. You know Peter confessed.” 

"Are you really sure he didn't do it, Lily? Maybe he forced Peter to lie-” Melody started. 

"Why? Because he's a Slytherin so he must be evil?" She scoffed.

"No, but-you know the type-who he hangs around. What makes you so sure the guy won't up and leave you once you two leave here?"

Lily looked daggers at Melody. "I know because I know him. You don't know him."

"Oh, we know you know him." Elizabeth spoke. "You learned all about him under the potion." She quoted the word potion with her fingers.

Lily huffed to herself and took her trunk off her bed and put it on the floor. "Some friends you all have been." She undid her bed. "I'm leaving in the morning. I'll be back for the end of year ceremony."

She crawled into bed, ignoring the whispers of her roommates the best she could. It was another restless night. Every night had been restless since she and Severus had done what they did. Her mind had not eased since.

Lily ate a light breakfast and then went up to the tower. She lightened her trunk and looked around her dorm with sigh. She went down the stairs to the common room and looked around one last time, knowing she would never see it again.

"Lily?"

She turned to see Potter looking at her. "What?"

"What are you doing?"

Lily looked at her trunk. "I'm leaving. I'm going home."

James said nothing for a moment. "What about NEWTS and you being the head?"

"Anna's taking the position from me. I took my NEWTS."

"Oh." He cleared his throat. "Lily, I'm sorry I didn't-I should've believed you."

Lily raised an eyebrow. "What?"

"I should've believed you-that it was the potion. What Peter did to you. I didn't listen to you-I'm sorry. I-I hope that-I hope things work out for you."

Lily sighed. "I hope things work out for you as well."

"I know things didn't work out between us, but I want you to know that I'm glad you did give me the chance-to date you."

Lily nodded. "Yeah. I'll see you at graduation. I'll be back then. Good luck to you-in life."

"Same to you." He held out his hand and she took it. "Bye, Evans."

Lily sighed again. "Thanks. Bye, Potter."

She climbed through the portrait and left the tower. She stood by the doors, bundling up in her cloak, tightening her scarf and fixing her hat over her ears to keep them warm. The doors creaked with heaviness as she left the school for good.

Severus packed most of his trunk while his roommates were out of the room on Friday. Saturday morning was when he broke the news.

"Where're you going?" Travers asked him.

"I'm leaving. Did my NEWTS. I'm done."

"What?" Avery's jaw dropped.

"I'm leaving in a couple hours. Going home."

"Why?"

Severus glared at Avery. "You know why."

"No, I don't."

"This whole mess. It's best I go."

"But you didn't do it, did ya?"

"No." Severus huffed in aggravation. "It's just best I leave."

"But what about after school ends?"

"What about it?"

"You were gonna join us. We were all gonna join the cause."

Severus locked his trunk. "I changed my mind."

"What do ya mean you changed your mind?" Mulciber asked.

"I changed my mind. I'm not joining the Dark Lord."

"What're you gonna do instead?" Travers asked.

"What do ya mean you're not joining?" Avery looked shocked.

"Just that. I'm not joining and I'm not sure yet what I'll do. I can find work."

"Why? Why would you not join? Don't tell me she's the reason." Mulciber rolled his eyes.

"She?"

"That mudblood you're always with. The one you were with a lot and then she got all hot and bothered over you calling her what she is. The one you had a roll with for one night and then you're all mates again."

Severus said nothing.

"You're leaving us and something as great as the Dark Lord for a mudblood?"

Severus turned to glare daggers at Mulciber. "Don't!-Don't call her that!" He snapped, clenching his teeth.

"What? She's different-special? Why's she different from any other mudblood, huh?"

"She just is. She's not less worthy because she was not born of a witch and wizard. She could out duel both of you in a second. What? That bother you? A muggleborn outranks you purebloods?"

"Think what stupid ideas you want, but she'll never be better. She doesn't have the knowledge we do and is worthless in her abilities. It's all fake." Avery spoke.

"Fake? That's your defence? She's faking it when she gets better marks?"

"Forget arguing. I want to eat. He's a lost cause. He's chosen the mudblood over the Dark Lord. He's just as worthless." Rosier stated. "Blood traitor."

Severus did not bother eating any breakfast. Instead, he stayed in his dorm reading over ads for jobs in the Daily Prophet. When it was nearing time to meet Lily outside of the school, he left the Slytherin dorms. He had no sentimental attachment to the dorms, ignored those sitting in the common room and left the area without another word.

He hurried up the stairs for the last time and went to the doors to leave the school. It was early and Lily wasn't due to arrive yet. They were leaving at ten to take the carriage to the train. It was 9:45. Their train to go home was going to be leaving at eleven that morning and they wouldn't be arriving in London until dark.

Severus waited for five minutes before going out the doors. He could see the carriage sitting there with its door open. The wind felt like it was biting his face, stinging it. He wrapped his cloak tighter around him. It was barely a minute later when Lily opened the door and hurried down the steps with her trunk. She smiled at him.

"We only have to come back one more time.."

"I'm glad. I'd rather they just send it to me instead." Severus pointed in the carriage. "Ladies first."

Lily rolled her eyes at his smirk. "Why do I need to get in first?"

"The right side is comfier. I'll make it easier on you."

Lily sighed. She was not in a mood to argue, just ready to leave. 

She got in the carriage. Severus handed Lily her trunk. Lily took his trunk next and Severus hopped in the carriage. The door shut and they started to move. Lily looked back with a heavy sigh and slipped her fingers into Severus's, entwining them with her own. Severus looked at her with a smile and clutched her hand back.

"Weird we had to take our own trunks out, but I won't complain.” She turned to him. “I think I did okay on the exams." Lily said.

"Me too. I hope so. I did my best. I knew most of the answers."

"So did I."

"Am sure you did fine. You're very intelligent."

Lily looked at her hand in his. "You say that like you aren't. You're brilliant. You don't give yourself enough credit. You'll do many great things for our world."

"So will you. How could you not?"

The carriage finally came to a stop. Severus looked out. "There's the train up ahead." The door opened and he got out. He took his trunk and Lily's and Lily got out of the carriage. The castle was seen from a distance. Lily looked back at it as she started onto the train. She smiled at Severus. "We're going home for good. Weird in a way. That it’s all over.” 

Severus grinned. "Yeah,” 

Lily took one last lingering look at the castle before she entered the train. She put her trunk in a cabin and Severus tossed his beside hers. They went to an empty cabin across the hall. The train started to roll away before they could sit down. Lily grabbed the door to keep her balance.

"You can sit by the window."

"No, I'm fine." Severus insisted.

"I want you to sit by the window."

Severus huffed. "Fine, Lily." He sat down.

Lily sat beside him and took off her shoes. She put her feet up and tucked them under her before she fixed her robes to make them more comfortable and not tight against her knees. A lady walked by, startling both. It was the trolley lady.

"Guess we aren't alone on this trip, huh?" Severus let out a huff. "I was hoping we would be."

Lily looked at him. "You were, were you?" She sighed. "Me too, actually." She laid her head on his shoulder. "At least we're together for the whole day. I'm glad I'm taking this trip home with you."

"Couldn't imagine it with anyone else." He put his arm around her and took her hand in his. Severus laid his head against the window, the landscape whirling by with its low rolling hills. He shut his eyes.

Lily closed her eyes. The hum of the train rolling along, and the sound of Severus's heart beating lulled her into sleep.

Lily opened her eyes and lifted her head off Severus's shoulder. She saw Severus's hand still on her hip. With a stretch of her neck, she looked over at Severus. His head was on the windowsill and he was breathing heavy in his sleep.

She removed his hand from her side and got off the seat. The cabin was a little chilly, but the hall was rather stuffy feeling as she walked to the bathroom. When she got back Severus was up. "Sorry, I had to use the bathroom." She sat beside him.

"I think we've still got a few hours to go."

"Probably." Lily sighed and put her hand on his leg.

Severus put his hand on her back and stroked along her spine. He kissed her lips and found himself being pulled down onto the seat.

Lily saw his hair curtaining his face as he looked down at her. She took her hand and tucked his hair behind his ear and out of his face. Her stomach gave a flip, the feeling of butterflies coming back as he looked at her with a smile. "What are you looking at?"

"Nothing really. Just something beautiful."

Lily smiled. "Same."

"I'm not much of a sight."

She sighed through her nose. "What are we going to do?"

"What do you mean?"

"After it ends."

"I don't know. What do you want to do?"

Lily looked up at him. "Anything you want. Anywhere you want."

"Somewhere different. Away from here."

"Somewhere warm and tropical?"

"Sure. With palm trees and an ocean view."

"Sounds lovely. For now, we can just work and stick around here." Lily circled her fingers around Severus's shoulder. 

He rubbed his hand up and down her leg, taking her robes with him as he did. "As long as I'm with you, I'll be happy anywhere."

Lily kissed his lips. "Me too." 

He began to kiss her neck and stuck his hand up her robes. He swallowed as his body began to pulsate and slowly inched his fingers up to her thigh with gently strokes. He could feel her shiver as he did. Damn, how he desired to pleasure her again. 

She gripped his robes above his knee and caused them to ride up. Her body began to pulsate as he inched his fingertips like a spider up her to her thigh with stops to stroke her bare skin. She shivered at his touch and hoped he wouldn't stop. They heard something bang and a weird squeaking sound on the carpet in the hall.

"What's that?" Lily asked.

Severus shrugged. "The trolley." He got off her. "Your knickers are showing."

Lily sat up and cleared her throat as she pulled her robes down. She flattened her messed up hair and brushing it down with her hand quickly.

"Would you two like anything from the trolley?"

Lily shook her head. "No, thank you." She turned to Severus.

"No, thanks." Severus grinned at Lily. "Maybe later."

"I'll be back in a short bit. Supposed to keep an eye on the two of you." She walked on past.

Lily sighed. "I don't know what I'm going to tell mum. I hate having to tell her, but she'll want to know what happened."

"I don't know if I'll tell my parents. I think I won't bother."

"Mum knew I was dating Potter. I never told her we stopped or what happened. You can't write that in a letter. It's better to tell her in person. I'm-I'm really nervous though. I don't know if-I don't know how-She doesn't really understand it. How can she? She's not a witch. She's probably going to kill me."

"It's not your fault."

"Does it matter? She'll be mad. She'll want to throttle me for being so stupid. For sleeping with someone and for not using any protection if I did."

"I'm sure she'll understand when you explain it. Explain exactly what happened."

Lily shook her head. "Would yours be understanding?"

Severus did not say anything for a moment. "No, but your parents aren't mine."

Lily pulled her knees to her chest. "I just never wanted to have to tell her this. I never thought I'd have to-to tell her that I was pregnant. Not like this. Not any time soon."

Severus put his arm over her shoulder. "It'll be fine."

"I'm glad to be away from school. It's a relief, but it's not a relief. Now I have to go from one problem to another. I have to tell her about the potion and being drugged with it, both of us and that we did it and I got pregnant, then I lost it because somehow forced me too. And-and I didn't even-I didn't tell her that-I didn't tell her I was coming home."

Severus looked at Lily in surprise. "You didn't tell her?"

Lily shook her head. "I started to, but then I thought about it. She'd want to know why and I couldn't explain in a letter and it would just make her worried and I thought that-I thought telling her in person would be better. But now-I'm not-I'm not sure that was a good idea. I don't know if I can tell her."

"You can tell her. You're brave, Lily. Don't lose that now. It's why you're a Gryffindor."

"Will you come with me?"

"Where?"

"Home. When we go home. So I don't have to do it alone."

Severus nodded. "I will, but I think your mother will want to kill me, not you when you tell her I was the one who got you pregnant."

"Stop, Sev. It's not your fault. If Pettigrew hadn't meddled in things that were none of his business it wouldn't have made one difference. It's all his fault. His, not yours." Lily sighed. "Forget about it. Let's play chess or something. I don't want to think about explaining to my mum what all has happened."

He nodded. "Fine by me. I'll go get the chess board."

"On the right side of my trunk on top."

Severus nodded and got up from the seat. Lily let go of her knees with a light huff and watched him leave. Just a couple of hours of peace left.


	20. Home Sweet Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lily and Severus are back in Cokeworth, but things have changed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updates will likely start to slow down, but will still be updating. Expect a hiatus in late summer/early autumn as I hopefully will be out of the country and settling into my new-ish life with my SO. Goal is to return to the public sector for the coming school year so it will be a busy time. For now though, each of my stories will be updated about once a week to every other week hopefully.
> 
> *This chapter contains explicit sexual content.

**Chapter Twenty: Home Sweet Home**

Severus and Lily got off the train to an empty platform. The tracks were all empty and it was rather quiet. Only a few people stood around unlike the bustling terminal it usually was when she went to and from school. When they exited the station, the streetlights were already on.

"Let's get home." Severus said to her.

Lily nodded. "Yeah."

"It'll be fine. It's just after eight so your mum is probably still up."

Lily sighed and took his arm. "I have to tell her at some point. May as well be now."

They apparated to Cokeworth and walked towards Lily's neighbourhood. Something moved in a bush nearby and Lily gasped. A brown and white tabby cat ran out with a screech. Lily put her hand to her heart, letting out a sigh of relief. "Just a cat."

"Come on, I see your street up ahead."

Lily looked and paused at the sight of her street up the road. Her breathing constricted. "I can't."

"What?" He stopped and turned to her.

"I can't tell her. I can't do it."

"What do you mean? You just said it was better to get it over with."

"I know, but she's going-she's going to be really, really mad at me."

He shrugged back. "Nah, she won't. Come on, let's just get this over with. Besides, I'm with you. She'll probably yell at me instead."

Lily glared at him. "No, she won't. It's not your fault."

"It's not yours either. Just give your mum a chance."

After a minute, she nodded. "Okay, but I still think she'll be ready to throttle me."

Lily reached her street and looked at her home a couple houses down. A streetlight bathed the sidewalk in front of her house, illuminating the off-white painted fence. She stood in front of her home, looking at the reddish-brown brick of the two-story house. The off-white door appeared far less welcoming than it usually did, even with the green and white flowered wreath hanging on it. The last thing she wanted to do right now was to turn the handle and open that door. The white lace curtains of the curved living room window were already drawn, but she could see the light blue glare of the telly coming though.

Lily opened the gate, the old metal creaking quietly as she did. She walked in an almost tiptoe to the front door and Severus followed behind her and slowly latched the gate. She stared at the golden-brown doorknob for about a minute before clutching it. Taking a deep breath, she stuck in her spare key, turned the handle and slowly opened the door.

The house looked the same as when she left in September. The same white tiled foyer with the light green rug bearing light yellow and red flowers welcoming anyone entering into the room with grey lettering. The beige carpeted stairs and light tan railing to the second level of the house looked the same as before, even the old stains from years of wear and tear. The door to the living room was half open. 

"Lily, what-"

Lily turned to see her mother standing in the living room doorway with her jaw dropped. Severus shut the front door behind him.

"Severus? This-what-I-I haven't seen you in quite awhile. You've grown a bit since I last saw you."

Severus cleared his throat and looked at Lily, who was looking down at her feet, rubbing her palms against her coat. "Um, yeah. It's been awhile."

"I guess you two made up-made up your-the friendship then?"

Severus nodded. Lily gave a nod and finally looked up at her mother.

"Why are you two home? You certainly have school tomorrow and classes. It's early March." She looked at Lily, then at Severus and back at Lily. "You can't be done yet. Did something happen? Are you in trouble?"

Lily found herself in tears. She choked them back, "I'm sorry." Was all she could think get out.

"Sorry? For what? Did you get expelled?” 

She shook her head and burst into tears, unable to stop them. She found her mother's arms around her.

Severus saw Lily's mother eyeing him intently. He just shook his head. "She needs to tell you. Not me." He looked at Lily. "Just know it's not our fault."

Lily's mother turned back to her daughter. "It's okay. It's okay, sweetie. I'm not mad. Just tell me what happened."

Lily just cried harder.

Her mother pulled her into the living room and sat her down on the couch. "What happened?"

Lily laid her head down against her mother’s chest . Her mother stroked her hair. "Too much." Lily managed to sob out.

"You can tell me."

She shook her head. "You are going to kill me."

"I will not." Her mother held her close. "Sweetie, is it a boy? Did some boy hurt you?"

"Sort of.” 

"Did they try to-did they harm you?"

Lily shook her head. "Not like that, no. I wasn't-I wasn't raped." At least not intentionally, she thought. 

She heard her mother let out a heavy sigh. "I'm glad for that. I'd be ready to hurt someone if they hurt you like that. Is it James? Did something between the two of you?"

"No. Not really. But we-we broke up."

"Is that what you are upset about?"

Lily shook her head. "It was a bit ago." A sob rose from her throat again. "You are going to kill me for what happened-for what I did."

Severus cleared his throat. "You want me to take your trunk upstairs, Lily?"

Lily glanced towards him standing in the doorway. "Yes, please. You remember where my room is, don't you?"

Severus nodded, leaving the room. "I'll put it on your bed."

"Why is Severus here? Did both of you get in trouble?"

Lily sighed. "Yes and no. He wanted to make sure that I-that I got home okay. Because I was upset."

Her mother looked down at her. "Are you pregnant?"

Lily let out a sob. "No, but-"

"Did you sleep with someone and they broke it off afterward? Did James do that to you?"

Lily shook her head. "James didn't-I didn't sleep with him."

"Did he sleep with someone else? Is that why you broke up?"

"No, he didn’t.” 

“Did you?” 

“Not entirely."

Her mother raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean? You didn't sleep with someone else or that's not why you broke up?"

"It's not why we broke up-not completely why."

"Did you cheat on James?" Her mother's eyes were narrow.

Lily looked at the family portrait on the wall of her mother, father and sister and herself. She was only five in the picture. Back then she and her sister were close and good friends, but she was always different, and it always bothered her sister. It was a shame her sister hated her guts because it would be nice to have one to talk to right now. "Not on purpose."

Her mother's eyes got wide. "Lily-"

"It was a potion."

"What?"

"A love potion. One of James's friends, he, they," she choked. "He messed up a love potion with a lust one because he wanted James and I to-to move to the intimate phase of our relationship, but he screwed it up and-and-he-it-they got messed up and usually James and I hand them out, but Severus and I did that day, I don't know why, but James and Severus's bottles got messed up so we gave each other our potions and it made us do something we wouldn't have done." She spoke all rather quickly and let out a heavy breath afterwards. 

"Woah, woah, slow down, honey. One of James's friends tried to give you and James love potion so you two would sleep together?"

Lily nodded.

"And it got mixed up with-did you say Severus?"

Lily nodded.

She pinched the bridge of her nose and closed her eyes for a moment. "Okay, so you and James were dating and someone else tried to give you two love potions to move the relationship on, I assume anyway?"

"Yes."

"And he messed it up and you and Severus got the potion instead?"

She nodded.

"Lily, did you and Severus-did you two-did you sleep with him?"

Lily paused for a moment, thinking of what to say and ended up just nodding. "I did-we did."

"Oh, dear god. That's why he's here."

"It-we did-sleep together. It wasn't-we didn't do it on-not on purpose. We didn't want to-we never intended to or hoped or planned to-to do it. It was the combination of potions. We didn't-you don't-you don't have the control-you can't under them. I never meant to do it. He didn't either. I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

Her mother's hand ran through her hair and she tucked it behind her ear. "It wasn't either of your fault then?"

Lily shook her head. "No. It just happened. We realized the next morning what we'd done, but it was too late."

"So what happened after that? Between you and Severus."

"We became friends again after that. We just got closer because of it all, I guess. With everything that happened. We are-we're-we're dating now."

"You made love to him, made up your friendship and are now dating each other?" Her mum let out a huff, taking all this information in.

Lily nodded. "Mum"

"What?"

Lily bit her lip hard. "When I slept with Severus, I, um, we were so crazy that we didn't use anything and I-I-we-it-I"

"I thought you said you weren't pregnant."

Lily’s lip trembled again and a sob rose from her throat.

"Oh, sweetie." Her mother wrapped her arms around her. "I'm so sorry. You lost it, didn't you? Did you miscarry or did you abort it?"

Lily nodded.

"Which was it?" Her mother held her against her chest. "You miscarried, didn't you?"

"I didn't-someone else-they-they put a curse on me-made me lose it."

She removed Lily from her chest, her eyes crossed and narrow as slits. "What?"

"A banned curse. It made me-I lost-I lost it-the pregnancy."

"Why?" Her mother gasped. "Why would someone do that?"

"Because he wanted to take the blame off of him-off of what he had done-had caused. It was a product of his mistake and-and-I guess-he-he wanted it gone." Lily caught a sob in her throat. "Are you mad at me?"

Lily's mother let out a deep breath. "No, dear. Not at all. How can I be mad at something that's not your fault? I'm so sorry, sweetie."

Lily shut her eyes for a moment. "I should have told you earlier, but I didn't-a letter just seemed-inappropriate. I couldn't tell you that way."

"You still have a few months of school left, honey. Why are you and Severus home? Did they find out and expel the both of you?"

Lily shook her head. "We finished. We took out NEWTS early. They let us go.” 

"You are already done. Both of you? They let you take the tests early?"

"When things got out that I had been pregnant, by Severus and that I had lost it, it's been bad. Everyone in my dorm thinks I cheated on James on purpose. They don't believe we didn't have control, even though Peter confessed. When it goes away, you don't forget what happened either during the time you were under it. You remember everything you did."

"So you remember sleeping with Severus?"

Lily nodded. "I do. We both knew we had been drugged."

"What do you mean?"

"We were crazy, stupid, out of it. But we believed we were in love with each other then, even though we weren't."

"How did you feel about Severus after such an intense night like that?"

Lily shrugged.

"How did he feel about you after that?"

"I guess, we both sort of-we felt a strong connection to each other."

"So you two, during this night together, you made love to each other quite passionately, I presume. You didn't just have sex."

She blushed. "What do you mean?"

"There is a difference between sex and love. People can have sex without any love involved. However, when you love someone, you don't just have sex, you make love to each other. You want to please each other, love each other, in a way. It's different when you are in love or just want to sleep with someone. It sounds like even though you may not have been in love with Severus for real, or he was in love with you then, you two slept together as more than one-night stands."

Lily shrugged. "That was the potion. But then I got-I got pregnant and everything just got so bad. I tried to-tried to talk to James about it. He didn't believe me. Then after I was hit with the-with that curse, everyone knew about what happened and everyone-almost everyone anyway-was so mad at us and-and we just-we-through this all-he never left."

Her mother's thumbs wiped under her eyes, swiping the tears off. "That's something I am glad to hear."

Lily looked confused. "What is?"

"That despite this and you being pregnant that Severus did not just leave you alone."

Severus stood at the doorway, hesitating to enter.

"You can come in." Lily said, sitting up. "Come sit." She wiped her eyes. "Don't worry, I told Mum."

Severus flopped down on the couch beside Lily. "So, she's not mad at you?"

"No. You were right. She's not mad at me-or you."

"So," Lily's mother spoke. "You're dating my daughter now?"

Severus shrugged slightly and heat rose in his face a little. "We decided to-yes, we are-I am-I mean."

"Don't worry about it. I'm just giving you a hard time." She sighed. "Have either of you had any dinner?"

They shook their heads.

"I have some leftover food in the refrigerator. I'll warm it up for both of you."

"Oh, that's okay. I should probably get home." Severus spoke.

"Nonsense. Stay and have a bit to eat before you go."

"Maybe he could stay here?"

Lily's mother turned as she headed for the kitchen. "I don't think so. Not in my house."

Lily shrugged. "I was thinking in separate rooms, but it was worth a shot." She got up from the couch.

Severus followed her into the kitchen. "I guess I can spare a few minutes before I go home, and my parents raise Cain before I can explain anything."

Severus ate some of the stew Lily's mother had made before heading home. When he arrived home, the house was dark. He turned on the living room light to a still lower level. He headed up the narrow stairs and heard his dad snoring. He let out a huff and went into his bedroom. The room was still as drab as always.

"Tomorrow I will look for work." He crawled under the covers of his dusty bed as though no one had touched the room since September. "Then I can get out of here for good."

_Next morning_

Severus went downstairs and found his dad sitting in the kitchen, sipping some coffee. His dad jumped, nearly dropping the cup in his hand at the sight of Severus.

"What're you doin' here? Aren't you `supposed ta be at that school of yours?"

"I'm done. Took my tests already."

Tobias coughed and lit a cigarette. "You're done?"

"Yep." Severus opened the fridge and got out some juice. "Where's mum?"

Tobias's face fell as he blew out smoke. "They didn't tell ya?"

"Tell me what?"

Tobias put the cigarette back to his mouth. "I don't know how ta contact that school of yours and when your mum went to the hospital, they were supposed ta inform ya of her passin'."

Severus stopped and nearly spilt the juice he was pouring. "What? No one-you're saying-she died?"

Tobias inhaled the smoke from his cigarette. "About a month ago. I just assumed ya didn't want to come or they wouldn't let ya see the funeral. The sickness got the better of her."

Severus realized he had a tight hold on the glass. "No one told me she passed away."

Tobias blew out the smoke as he gave a hacking cough. "They said they would. I said I didn't know-wasn't one of you lot and didn't know how to get hold of ya. Somethin' about owls. Your mum always used anyways, but I dunno how it works exactly so they said they'd tell ya for me. I didn't know they didn't."

A surge of anger ran through him. He slammed his cup down on the table and left the kitchen without another word to his father. He hurried up the stairs and to his bedroom and flung his door shut. He got dressed and went back downstairs.

"I'm going out for awhile."

"Where?"

"Around."

"See that Evans girl yet?"

Severus turned around quickly as he opened the front door. "What?"

"Are you two seeing each other yet? Or is she just not interested in ya?"

"I don't think that's your concern."

"Your mum and I know you've always had a thing for the girl. Not sure why she'd ever bother with you though."

Severus scoffed and left the house.

_Two Days Later_

Severus tossed another rock at the river and watched it skip twice before it plodded into the water.

Lily tossed one and managed three skips before it plodded into the water. "Hope we hear back from somewhere soon."

Severus tossed another rock and it only skipped once. "I just want to get out of the house and away from my dad." 

Lily pushed some of the snow off the dead grass blades with her foot. "Yeah. I can imagine. It's a little strange at home with just my mum and I. Imagine it was tough this year alone. With Petunia gone and me at school and without my dad around." Lily sighed. "Seems to have joined a book club though and gotten involved in stuff through the church that's kept her busy." 

Severus rubbed his cold hands together and breathed into them. 

“It’s cold outside.” Lily wrapped her coat tighter around her body. “Want to come over and warm up.” 

He watched another rock he’d tossed skip a third time and sink. “What? By the fireplace?” 

Tiny snowflakes stuck to her hood. “My mum went to Petunia’s for the day. She’s having dinner with her and Vernon.” 

He raised an eyebrow and brushed the snowflakes from his hair. “Oh.” 

“So, you want to come over and just hang out?” She blushed a little as she met his gaze. 

He shrugged and tried to bite back a smile that twitched at his lips. “Sure. It is cold out here.” 

She turned and started to walk away from the river with a little sway in her step. He could help but smile. The best thing about muggles was their attire. Their clothes just hugged the body in such attractive ways that robes could not achieve. It’s the only good thing he could say about muggle things. He hurried quickly until he reached beside her and pretended to not notice the slight cleavage of her shirt. 

Once inside she hung up her coat and his and removed her shoes. 

Severus took off his shoes and glanced at his worn grey socks with a hole in the big toe. He hoped he could remove them soon. 

“Would you like to go upstairs with me?” LIly cleared her throat and glimpsed at her light pink socks. 

“Uh, okay.” He avoided her gaze as they walked up the stairs. She stopped at the entrance to the bathroom. 

“I’m thinking of washing up before dinner.” 

He wondered if she could hear his heart thumping. “Oh. Need any help?” He paused and blushed, “I mean-dinner. WIth dinner.” 

She paused a moment, “Maybe.” She took his hand and tilted her head towards the bathroom eyeing it. 

He let her guide him into the bathroom and before he could say or do anything, her lips were pressed against his. He slid one hand over her hip and the other on her back. She pushed her body against his and grabbed his shirt at the lower back. She began to undo his trousers. 

“Fuck,” he meant to say to himself, but said out loud with a heavy breath. His penis ached as it tried to erect and he moaned slightly. He moved his hand down to her hips and reached to her jeans button and undid and unzipped them. He then moved his hand up her shirt slowly until he reached her bra. 

Severus reached around and unsnapped it as she kissed his neck and lightly moaned. With that, he lifted her shirt and she tossed it off and let her bra fall down her arms. She flung it to the door with her shirt. He cupped her breasts and used his thumb and pointer fingers to stroke her nipples. She moaned as they became hard and stiff and began to lift his shirt. He tossed it to the side with hers and grabbed her jeans at the top of her hips. He looked into her eyes and she nodded. WIth that approval, he pushed them down and she let them fall to her ankles and kicked them to the side, revealing just her knickers. He let her pull his trousers and pants off in one go. She gave him a sly grin and pushed her knickers off and let them fall to the ground. 

“Care to join me in the shower?” She asked, but surely she knew she hardly had to ask. 

He followed her into the shower and she turned her back to him, but summoned him a come hither with a grin. He pressed against her and wrapped his arms around her and held her close as the warm water fell onto them. 

Severus moved his hands down her stomach, inching his fingertips slowly down with strokes hoping to feel her shiver under the touch as before. She did and moaned as he reached her pubic hairs at the top of her vulva. He ran his right finger down into her vulva over her clitoris and circled it with deep rubs. She leaned her face up and began to kiss him, her tongue circling his inside. He moaned just as she did and his fingers slowly grew damp beyond the shower under the touch. After a few minutes of rubbing, her face grew red as she grinded into his touch. With the dampness heavy under his fingers, he pushed his middle finger down to her vagina. Upon feeling how moist it was, he moved his other hand down from her stomach and slowly inserted his middle and ring finger into her vagina. His mouth became dry as he stroked her vaginal wall at the front. She gasped when he stroked something slight ridged.

As he touched that area, a sudden desire to urinate combined with an intense momentary sexual desire hit her. “That feels nice, but I think I need to piss.” 

“Well, we’re in the shower so if you need to take a piss-” 

She chuckled, “I don’t think I actually need to. I don’t want you to stop.” 

He stroked the area again as he continued to rub her clitoris. As he did this for a couple minutes, she began to grow wetter than he remembered from before. 

Lily shivered under his strokes and her whole body bore down into his touch. Her face grew slightly red as she started to grind into his hands. Her entire vulva tingled craving him to never stop. The internal pressure he was pushing inside her vagina with the external stroking of her clitoral area was more intense than she could ever remember. Granted, when she sought to pleasure herself, she’d only ever tried to orgasm using clitoral stimulation. He had discovered more. “Don’t stop. Harder.” She moaned. “Hard as you can.” He did, pressing and stroking harder and heavier both ways. After another couple of minutes feeling close to an orgasm a couple of times, a rapid fire ran through her genitals and she let out a loud heavy moan and gasped with her mouth gaped. She could feel herself coming with a thick stream of fluid. “Oh my god, yes. Yes. Fuck. Sev, fuck me already. Come inside me.” 

He watched her orgasm with the stream of fluid running over his hands. He removed his fingers from her vagina and spelled his penis before slowly inserting inside her. He stepped his legs around hers and cupped her vulva with one hand, his other hand guiding his penis into her. It only took a couple minutes before he gasped, his mouth gaped as he came into her heavily. It had been so long since he’d even masturbated. Once he’d come into her, he took his time removing his penis from her, almost not wanting it to be over. If he had been able, which was unlikely, he’d gladly fuck her for hours, pleasuring her into orgasms over and over again until she was couldn’t anymore. Until he couldn’t anymore. The water started to become cold. They took a quick shower together and moved the bedroom. Another hour passed as they continued to pleasure one another before they grew exhausted and weary. When hunger began to take over, they finally dressed and went downstairs to make a late dinner. Shortly after, he left her home, not wanting Lily’s mother to catch him over at their house. 

As he walked towards his house, he couldn’t wipe the stupid grin off his face. He ignored his dad, passed out on the couch, and went upstairs. He fell into his bed and for the first time in a long time, he slept peacefully.


	21. Killing Me Softly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Severus struggles with being home.

**Chapter Twenty-One: Killing Me Softly**

"Here you go." The short and slightly chubby blonde-haired waitress spoke, handing them their food. "Blueberry muffins and toast for you.”

"Thanks." Lily stated with a smile to the young woman who wasn't much older than they were.

"And porridge with jam and honey and toast for you."

"Yeah, thanks." Severus mumbled to the girl and looked at all the food he had been given. The porridge reminded him of wet cement waiting to dry and the jam was quite chunky and dark crimson, giving the appearance of vomit to his disgust. The honey came off looking like some creature's urine used in potions. He knew it was not as bad as he was imagining it, but his stomach did not want anything inside of it at the moment and made him picture something gross to avoid eating.

Severus looked at Lily, who was eating her toast. He picked up his spoon and let it sink into the porridge. Pulling it up from the bowl, the milk drained off the side of the spoon. He let the thick, mushy oats fall back into the bowl slowly like solidified sand as he tipped his spoon to the side. He looked around the restaurant at the handful of other people eating. A man seated a few tables down was reading the paper and sipping on coffee. A couple other women were chatting away over scones.  
Severus turned his attention back to Lily. 

"What time you are supposed to be home?" 

"Oh, no time really. Whenever, by dark. What about you?”

He looked at the honey coloured oak tables and up at the door as a middle-aged woman with wispy blonde hair entered with a sleeping infant in a navy-blue pram. The baby had a dark brown hat on, bundled in a sky-blue blanket.

He choked as his thoughts immediately went to Lily and he glanced over and down to Lily's stomach, imagining her stomach much larger than it was now. His mother never knew about what had happened. While he had not wanted to tell her, he now wished he had the chance to let her know. She might have been a grandmother and she might have liked the idea, though he was not sure she would have liked the fact that he had gotten a young woman pregnant and a muggleborn young woman.

Still, his mother knew of Lily and certainly figured it was more likely to be with her than anyone else. He also figured his mother would whack him upside the head with her wand and give him a long lecture about what he was thinking sleeping with some girl at school and after all that talk about protection, why he didn't use it. He could hear her voice yelling at him about how it was a simple spell dammit. 

"You want to come over to my house after we eat?"

Severus did not hear her as he watched the woman with the pram laugh. She had a long face like his mother. His mother never laughed much. Lily asking him what time he would be home made him want to laugh. He did not go home right now. He avoided home except to sleep the past couple of days. Speaking to his father or even having to see the man made him angry and he just did not feel like arguing right now and that was unlike him. He normally did not mind debates or yelling at his father, but he just was not in the mood to argue with the man lately.

Lily watched Severus poke around his food, nibbling on the porridge. She sighed and put down her fork. It scraped her plate as she did. Still, he did not even look up at her. "Everything okay?"

Severus stopped prodding his food, glanced up from the plate and into her gaze. "Yeah, the food's fine. A little hot, but fine. It's supposed to be hot though. Porridge, jam and some toast is fine.”

Lily let out a light huff. "I meant with you. Is everything okay? We’re done with school and aren't being punished anymore. Surely, you would be happy?"

"Yeah, that's great. I'm glad, really. I'm happy about that."

"You don't seem happy at all. You haven't been happy since we got home.” She paused and blushed a little, “Well, minus that one evening.” She cleared her throat. “So what is it?"

"Nothing. I'm fine. Just tired. Had to get up early."

Lily poked at her blueberry muffin with her finger. "I thought you were just worried about the future and that's why you were being so reserved and aloof. But that's not it because you’ve been searching for work. You're home and we're away from school. So, what is it? Aren't you happy about that?"

He scoffed a little. "I am happy to be home. Sort of. I mean home sucks, but not as much as school."

Lily put half of her muffin down and looked at him. She choked the bite hard and took a sip of her juice before asking what she was going to ask. "So, what is it? Is it me?"

Severus shook his head quickly, a bit astonished that she would think he would be upset with her. "No. Not you. Don't think that. You're fine-you're lovely-great. It's nothing to do with you."

She let out an internal sigh of relief. "Then what?"

Severus let out a soft sigh. "I'm fine. I'm just not that hungry, but thanks for the food anyway. I appreciate it. The thought is what matters." He peered out the window to the street. A man was getting out of his vehicle across the road and a woman with a toddler in a white pram passed by the window. He turned his head away and back to his plate.

"Okay, so don't eat it then. We can save it for later."

Severus saw a young waiter looking between them as he served a table nearby. He kept looking at Lily and then looked with almost shock and disgust at Severus. If he wouldn't get in trouble for harming a muggle, he would hex the jerk right now. Severus was not stupid and knew what the young man was thinking.

"So what is it?"

He set his spoon down onto his plate and took another sip of the tea. "I think I'm going to go."

"Where?"

"I haven't been yet." He got to his feet with a sigh, pushing the wooden chair back.

"Where?" Lily raised an eyebrow.

"Just somewhere. I just want to see it."

Lily looked down at her half-eaten plate of food. "Well, wait a minute. Let me get a box for the food to take home and I'll come with you."

"You don't-you don't need to-don't worry about it. I just want to see it." He pushed his chair into the table.

"I want to come. If that's okay with you."

Severus shrugged. "It's fine. I just want to see if I can find it."

Lily summoned their waitress, who gave them their check and a box to put the food in. "Okay, check paid and leftover food. Let's go. Wherever it is we are going."

Severus sighed to himself and left the restaurant. Lily followed him out and down the sidewalk, passing some shops. They turned into an alley and she apparated with him to somewhere she had not seen. There was a narrow concrete road ahead meaning some muggles likely lived in the area. The trees around were still bare in the bitter wind. Minus the light snow covering, the ground was mostly barren, and the grass was thin and brown. Heavy grey clouds hung overhead threatening to burst.

"Where are we?"

"Her hometown." Severus said as he ambled up the street. 

Lily stopped herself from letting out a huff. "Whose?" 

"My mum's."

Lily raised an eyebrow, but said nothing and walked alongside him down a narrow road. It was empty and eerily quiet this time of the day with most people at work and children at school. Most animals were not outside in the cold. As a brisk wind picked up, stinging her bare face, she put her coat tighter around her. "It's quite cold here. Colder than back home."

Severus nodded. "It's further north."

Lily heard something trotting along the ground and turned to see a small dark brown horse looking over at them from a small fence. She smiled and went over to it slowly. It put its head down to her and she began to stroke it. "Hey, Sev?"

Severus turned at the sound of her voice, so focused on where he was going, he almost did not hear her at all. 

"You want to pet the horse? He's a sweetheart."

Severus shook his head. "No. I want to get where we're going and get back home." He began to cross a stone bridge.

Lily sighed silently. "Sorry, horse. I need to keep going. You're such a sweet horse."

She brushed back the mane of the horse and hurried to catch up with Severus. Lily looked over the side when they were halfway across. "The canal here is half frozen."

"Yeah. It's up ahead."

They kept walking until they reached the end of a dirt road, passing some old houses here and there. They reached a place with a stone wall and tall, spiked grey metal gates. Lily strained to read the old sign, but it was too worn and only the letters P and C could be made out of the top and the letters E and R and Y at the bottom.

Severus opened the gates, the metal making a loud screech as he did from age. He entered the place, stepping onto what appeared to once be a brick path that was now sinking into the earth with dirt separating the bricks from each other. Lily entered behind him and shut the gate back. She looked around at the various stone markers scattered about with etchings carved into them. 

"Sev, what are we doing in this old cemetery?" She asked as she watched her steps so as to not trip on the uneven bricks. 

"I want to find it."

"What? Someone's grave?"

Severus nodded.

"Whose grave?"

"Look for one with my surname. It's here somewhere. He said it was here."

"Who?"

"My dad. He said it was here. He said this is where they buried her."

"Who? Why are you being so cryptic?" Lily asked, but Severus was already halfway across the graveyard. She sighed and started to look at the names on the headstones. Many were really, really old and she saw one from back in the 1200s. Despite the general neglect of the place, the headstones were well-maintained. 

"Hey, Sev, is this your family's cemetery? Most of the people here have your mum's surname." She turned and looked around. "Sev?" She did not see him anywhere and left the area she was looking in and went to the other side of the walk. "Sev? Are you over here?"

Severus looked over the stones for a few minutes before finding the grave he had been trying to find. It shocked him to see his mother's name on a tombstone.

Lily realized it was starting to snow and looked around for any sign of him around the gravestones. Some were quite massive and looked more like tombs. After a couple minutes, she saw something dark and could see Severus's hair blowing in the piercing, cold wind. "There you are." She walked toward him, bracing herself against a strong gust of wind. "I've been searching everywhere for you." She went over to him. He was kneeled down to a grave, looking at it, not even flinching. "Hey, did you find it?"

Severus nodded, but didn't look at her. She moved closer and looked at the grave marker. _Eileen Snape nee Prince_. Her eyes got wide. "Sev? That's-that's your mum? She? I didn't-"

"She died." He interjected.

Lily looked at the grave again. "1932-1978. When did she pass?"

"Almost a month ago."

She raised an eyebrow. "Why didn't you tell me she passed?"

Severus choked back the lump in his throat as he looked at his mother's small headstone. "I didn't know."

"You mean, no one told you she passed away?" A lump caught in her throat. "Why?"

Severus shook his head. It hit him like a ton of bricks landing on his chest that he was never going to see his mother again. Everything from the day he swallowed the potion laced butterbeer until now that he had buried deep inside of him bubbled to the surface. A surge of anger burst through him and he was forced to contain it before he performed any sort of accidental magic. Clutching his fists so tight his fingernails dug into his palms, his mind raced as worked to control his thoughts.

His throat constricted with a sadness he never felt before. For the first time in a long time, his eyes burned with tears glossing over. His vision became impaired slightly, blurring the headstone in front of him.

"Sev?"

"No." He choked out. "They-they didn't." He caught all his emotion into his throat, willing himself to not get upset and especially not in front of Lily. He would not allow himself to cry in front of her and make a fool of himself. A coward was a label he never wanted branded with again. A tree nearby started to shake violently, and a large branch suddenly snapped in two and hit the ground forcefully with a crash before shattering into pieces.

Severus came to as it exploded and hurried to block the splinters from hitting them. Lily ducked and looked at him with shock, her eyes wide.

"I'm sorry. It's my fault."

Lily was not sure what to say as she looked at him. She choked and kneeled down next to him. "Why wouldn't they tell you?"

Severus shrugged, feeling his nose start to run. Lily had not seen him get upset like this in awhile. She didn't dare say anything and instead got out a clean handkerchief to hand to him. He took it. She put her hand on his back.

"I'm sorry."

Severus cleared his throat and sniffed, wiping his nose. "I've seen what I wanted to see. Let's go." He got to his feet and started to walk away with his hands in his coat pockets.

Lily got up and took out her wand. She conjured up a faux violet flower, remembering that Eileen used to have a small flower bed of violets. She laid it in front of the headstone with a heavy sigh and hurried to catch up with Severus. He was already out of the cemetery and headed up the road. Lily closed the heavy gates back and they locked themselves.  
She jogged to catch up to Severus, snow sticking to her hair. "You want to apparate home?"

"No. Not yet. I want to walk for a few minutes."

Lily nodded. "Okay. We can walk." She put the hood of her coat up over her head, pushing them tight to her ears to warm them up as they started to hurt.

Severus was not sure where they were going exactly, but he just wanted to take a walk. He needed to clear his head and though he did not dare say anything to Lily, he was glad she had come with him. The fact that she wanted to tag along and be by his side made him love her all the more.

Lily walked up the road with Severus, reaching the bridge, but Severus did not stop to apparate home.

"Sev, where are we going?"

He shrugged. "Nowhere. I just want to walk."

She nodded. "That's fine. I just wondered if you were planning on going somewhere else around here. Maybe your grandparents' home or something?"

"I think they're dead." He shrugged. "I don't know. Never knew them. They lived on the hill somewhere past the-that cemetery. One of her siblings probably lives there now.” 

Lily stopped, “I didn’t know you had any aunts and uncles from your mum. I remember you saying your dad’s brothers died young.” 

He nodded. “Yeah, she had two older sisters and a younger brother. I don’t even know their names. They married and had children, but that’s about all I know. Since they disowned my mother. Funny, isn't it?"

"What is?"

"They disown her and yet, have a place for her too for when she dies. How ironic." He grumbled to himself.

Lily shook her head. "I think it's terrible. The prejudice they have. You think they-I just can't imagine my parents not loving me or disowning me because I married someone they didn't think was good or was worthy. It's sad how the purebloods treat their children. It's not unconditional love."

"No, no it's not. I agree. I could see mine doing that though."

"I think it would be terrible if he did."

"He doesn't care. He only cares about himself." Severus huffed and looked up the thin gravel road. "Car's coming."

They moved to the grass off the road. Her jeans grew damp at the bottom from the wet grass. There was not much noise in the area minus a trotting sound. She turned to see the same chocolate-coloured horse peering over a stone wall.

Lily went over to him. "Sev, come pet the horse. He's friendly."

Severus shook his head. "No, I'm fine."

"Oh, come one. He's sweet. Poor thing is probably cold. I know I am. It's freezing out here."

Severus sighed and went to the other side of the road.

"Pet him. He's not mean. He's a sweetheart, aren't you? Yes, you are." Lily stroked the horse down his mane.

Severus looked up the road. A white house with a dark stone grey roof was just ahead and an old rust coloured barn was about five hundred feet ahead in the yard where the horse was fenced in. He heard a huff and felt something warm against his bare face. He jumped and turned to see the horse nudging him gently.

Lily laughed. "Just pet him, Sev. He wants some attention. He's all alone out here."

Severus grumbled and touched the horse. "Happy?" It was smooth to the touch and this surprised him. He'd never felt a horse before. "Let's keep going." As he pivoted on his heel, he saw a man running at them, waving his hands, and shouting something he couldn't hear.

"Hey! Stay away from my horse!"

Lily jumped as the man neared them. "Uh, sorry. We were just-"

"Stealin' my horse?" He snapped.

"No, only petting him."

The middle-aged scraggly man looked at them. "What're you doin' out here?"

"We're heading home. He has some relatives up this way. We went to, uh-visit."

The man looked suspicious. "Shouldn't you two be in school?"

Lily shook her head. "We're finished with school."

"You live close to here? It's awful cold out to be walkin' `round. Snow storm's a'headin' this way, didn't ya know that?"

Lily shook her head. "No, we didn't. We don't live around here. We, uh, we took a bus in. We only walked up the road to here. We'll be fine. We weren't stealing your horse. He came over so we thought we'd pet him, that's all."

The man looked between them again and his expression softened. "You best get movin' then before the buses halt for the snow."

"We are."

The man looked at Severus with a raised eyebrow. "You okay there, son?"

Lily looked at Severus, who was staring up the road. He did not answer the man.

"Sev?"

"Yeah? What? Oh, fine. I'm fine."

Lily gave a half grin toward the man. "He'll be fine. He just lost a family member. It's why we're up this way. Your horse is very sweet."

"Okay, but I'd get outta of the snow ‘fore it gets bad." He whistled and clicked his mouth. "Come along, Fitzwilliam." The horse followed the man toward the barn ahead.

Lily turned to see Severus halfway up the road. She ran after him and nearly slipped on the half-frozen concrete.

"Sev?"

Severus stopped and turned to her. "What?"

"What town are we in?"

"I just knew the name, that it was called Whistle Wood. The area, that is."

Lily looked ahead to another road. "Oh. Isn't that near the ocean? Are you going to walk to the sea?"

Severus shrugged. "I just wanted to take a walk."

"I understand." Lily slid her hand to his back, standing close to his body. Taking her hand, she moved her fingers over his back, gently caressing it.

Severus could feel his shoulders lose tension under her touch. His sadness began to dissipate as he smiled to himself remembering that he was the luckiest guy in the world to have her as his girlfriend. Considering he almost did not even get to have her as a friend, he felt like he had won gold. Lily could have had any young man she wanted, but she picked him to be her friend and her boyfriend. 

Lily watched a smile come on his face and a smile suddenly pierced her own lips. She loved seeing him happy. She made him that way and she rather liked that. She liked that he was happy with his life because of her.

"We don't want to stay too long here. We can go to my house. My mum's there, but we can hang out in my room where it's warm."

Severus nodded. "Sure." He looked out at the rocks and sand bars of the ocean in the distance. "Let's go before we get caught in the storm."

Lily took her hand off his back and slid it down, wrapped her fingers gently around his hand and clutched it tight. They apparated home.


	22. All Work And No Play

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lily and Severus get a job.

** Chapter Twenty-Two: All Work and No Play **

_A couple weeks later_

Lily let out a heavy breath as she smoothed her robes. "You'll be fine, you can do this. Just show them your skills. You're brilliant and you can do this."  
Despite telling herself all that, she did not believe it. Her stomach twisted as someone knocked at her door and then opened it. Lily nearly jumped out of her robes, focusing so much on the day ahead, she hadn't heard the knock at all.

"Oh, I'm sorry, honey. Would you like something to eat? I fixed a bacon sandwich."

Lily shook her head and took a deep breath. "No, thanks. Maybe when I get back."

"Okay.” She turned for the door. “You'll be fine. Just be yourself."

Lily wanted to laugh. "Be herself. Because it was that simple."

When she arrived at the entrance to Diagon Alley outside of the old pub, she just stood there holding her wand, gathering up the Gryffindor bravery she knew was in her somewhere for several minutes. Finally, after almost five minutes of staring at the brick wall and probably looking like an idiot to anyone who might have seen her, she tapped on the bricks and it opened to the alley.

Her stomach flipped and she was glad to have neglected her breakfast. Otherwise, others might see her stomach's contents on the road. With legs like gelatine, she walked down the alley, passing several shops. Suddenly, she wondered if she was going the right way. What if she was late? What if they hated her?

"Don't be silly," she told herself. "You're fine. There's not a reason to hate you and you have plenty of time. Just relax."

She finally approached the shop. A sign with jagged and swaying letters spelling TERROR and beside that the word TOURS flashed with various colours hung above the quaint cottage style shop. Lily took the gold handle, but before she could open it, someone else did. Stumbling back out of the way, a lady who was shorter than her and slightly hunched over exited the door. She held a white cane wrapped with red satin that made Lily think of a candy cane.

A silver bell rang as the lady exited. Her face was full of wrinkles and she had an exceptionally large nose, eyes like cloudy, cerulean marbles and hoary hair. She held a crimson leash and Lily's eyes drifted down to a harness attached to a black Labrador retriever.

"Oh, I'm so sorry, dear. I didn't know someone was coming in."

Lily was caught off-guard by the dog and looked at the woman speaking.

"Were you going inside?" The woman's voice was raspy like she had smoked too many cigarettes in her younger years.

"Uh-I-yes. I was-I mean."

"Good luck with your vacation plans. My granddaughter is taking me to see some haunted muggle establishments. Seems silly to me. Only wizards and witches can be ghosts. Everyone knows this. Haunted muggle places." The lady hobbled on. "If my son hadn't married that muggle there wouldn't be any thought to muggle establishments."

Lily entered the building. Wallpaper lined all four walls of the shop, covered with all the countries of the world and several places held a banner and they disappeared and reappeared in other locations such as Transylvania, Egypt, Bermuda, various battlegrounds across the globe, and much more. A light hum from a radiator in the corner and the soft scratching of a quill were the only noises that could be heard.

A mahogany desk stood out with a tiny woman with soft blonde curls seated behind it. The woman mumbled to herself as she scratched away on parchment. Lily let the door close behind her with the silver bells chiming a soft Toccata and Fugue in d minor. The lady did not look up from her scribbling.

Lily approached slowly and cleared her throat. The woman finally looked up with her tiny, round face caked with too much makeup and her frosty, azure eyes glared at her as if she had disturbed something.

"Can I help you?"

"My name is Lily Evans. I'm here to see Mrs. Trekker."

The woman let out a huff and scooted the chair back. She leapt off and disappeared for a moment behind some shelving. A door clicked open and banged closed so hard that Lily cringed. After a solid minute, the door clicked open again and banged closed. Though Lily expected the slam, she still cringed.

A middle-aged plump lady who almost resembled an owl in the face came over in her thick cobalt robes. She smiled at Lily and Lily gave her a small smile in return.  
"You must be the one I spoke to last week. Here for your first day of work. And early. Already a good employee. Come along and I'll get you set up." A part of the desk swung open with a heavy creak as if it needed oiled and the lady motioned Lily to follow. The woman at the front desk glowered at Lily.

Ignoring the woman who already seemed to hate her, and she had no clue why, Lily followed the other woman behind the shelves and through the clicking door. The room was filled with items galore for travel from _Avoiding Sea Monsters in the Bermuda Triangle_ to Ways to _Control Pests Abroad: Evading Apple Bees to Zipper Stings_

"You'll be working up front for now. Laurel will assist you to begin with and then after a day, she'll be in the back with me."

Lily flinched. "Is Laurel the woman up front?"

"Yes."

She mentally groaned.

"Now, today we will work on the basics of the job. First, you will read through the manuals and learn the trade."

"At least I don't have to work with Laurel today." Lily sighed to herself and started to open up some manuals while the lady talked about all the types of tours they had available. While the woman discussed crop circle mystery tours, the door opened, and Laurel entered.

"Coral, a customer wants a brochure on submerging with sea serpents."

The woman nodded and smiled at Lily. "I'll show you where the brochures are. They're in alphabetical order." They went to a wall labelled with olive lettering. Lily found the letter S and skimmed through the brochures before finding the one labelled Submerging with Sea Serpents.

"This one?" Lily asked, holding the deep blue brochure up.

"That's the one. You learn fast. I think you'll be a great asset to this company."

When Lily handed Laurel the brochure, Laurel glared daggers at her and snatched it so hard, she ran the paper across Lily's hand. Lily hissed and jerked her hand away. Laurel sneered as Lily clutched her throbbing hand before slamming the door on her way back out.

Once Laurel was gone, Lily looked at her left palm. It was slashed open slightly and bleeding.

"Come along, dear-what happened to your hand?" 

Lily glanced at the door, tempted to say something. "Just a paper cut."

Coral tsked and took out her wand and before Lily could say anything, she held Lily's wounded hand out and chanted something. The wound slowly disappeared along with the throbbing.

"I've not heard that spell before." Lily stated once the surprise had passed.

"It's not English."

"You know other languages?" Lily forced her shock to wane.

"One other. I grew up in Russia."

"But you speak English so well." Lily cringed as she spoke that. "Sorry, I didn't mean-I shouldn't say that."

The woman laughed. "Quite all right, dear. My father was from England, Wales. My mother Russian. I grew up speaking both but went to school in Russia. Some of their spells are different than Great Britain's. I love London, but sometimes I miss Moscow."

Lily followed the woman through a secret door behind a bookshelf and up a narrow curvy passageway with torches that lit up as they walked to light the way.

"Was your wizard school in Moscow?"

Coral shook her head. "No, it was in Siberia. People here complain about the cold winters. They don't know what cold is. When I was in school, all classrooms had their own fireplaces to heat up the rooms. It was so cold you could throw a cup of water out your window and it'd freeze mid-air. Now that's cold." Coral sighed sadly. "We took a train from Moscow over the Bering Sea. Would take two entire days to make the journey, but such enjoyable memories."

Lily grinned. "When did you move to England?"

Coral grinned sheepishly. "Summer after I finished school I came to England with my father. A young man came into the ice cream shop in Diagon Alley and started to talk to me. Found me cute. He won me over and I've lived here since."

She smiled faintly. "Love made you stay?"

Coral opened a curved door. "You could say that. We were planning to marry and then about a month before he ran off with another woman."

Lily was taken aback. "What?"

"I was so naive. But then I met another lad and we fell in love."

Lily hesitated. "Did you marry him?"

She smiled. "I did. Still married today. Almost thirty years. We had three children together." She motioned for Lily to follow her in the room.

A dimly lit room with a sturdy walnut table and chairs and a plush grey couch with two matching chairs filled the room.

"This is the lounge. Here is where you'll have lunch, take your breaks and there's a bathroom over in the back."

As they went back down the stairs, Coral turned to Lily. "So, any special young lad in your life?"

Lily's cheeks flushed crimson. "Well, uh-one, yes."

"Considering marrying him?"

Lily shrugged. "Probably. We've talked about it, but there's not much of a rush."

"A war's going on. Many seem to rush in a war."

"Well, we're not in a hurry."

They entered the book room again. "No rush for such a thing. Are you two going out?"

Lily nodded. "Yes, we're dating."

Coral smiled. "He seems like a special lad to you. Known him for awhile?"

Lily nodded again. "We were childhood friends."

Coral beamed at that. "How sweet." She glanced around the room. "Well, enough chit-chat. We need to start preparing you for working out front tomorrow. Let's go over the catalogue."

**_Next day_ **

"You're doing it WRONG!" Laurel shouted into Lily's ear for the...she had lost count how many times and it had barely been an hour. Six more hours to work with Laurel. Six whole hours that would seem never ending.

Lily clenched her fists, trying to control her temper from flaring out of control. "What now?" She asked through slightly gritted teeth.

"You're not leaving enough space between the name and tour and dates. You're going to confuse them and mess it all up."

"I AM-" She forced herself to stop. "I'm not going to confuse anyone. I wrote exactly as I AM supposed to write them. Their surname, the first name and middle initial if they have a middle name. The name of the tour beside of that and then the dates they want to go on the journey. At the end of the day, I sort them by Tour, then by date and on the same day, you sort them alphabetically."

Laurel shot daggers with her eyes at Lily. "No. You sort the tours. Then sort the tours alphabetically. Then you sort each tour by their date. On each date, you file them in alphabetical order, which means moving some of the old files around!"

Lily refrained from a huff. "I got it."

"No, you don't "get" it. You're not even old enough to work here."

Lily glared at her. "I’m 18. I’m old enough to work here.” 

"Oh, yeah? You're supposed to still be in school. Coral just took pity on your sob story of everyone being oh so mean to you."

Lily gave Laurel a sharp glance. "What sob story?"

"How else would you get the exams early and be finished?" She hissed and Lily thought Laurel looked a lot like a snake at the moment.

"When did you go to Hogwarts again?" Lily asked.

Laurel thinned her eyes. "About five years ago I graduated." And because Laurel seemed programmed to make sure nice conversation didn't happen, she added, " So, I'm far more mature and older and I was one of the top in the school then, so I know a lot more than you. That means you need to do what I tell you to do and stop being a pain in the neck."

"Really?" Lily acted surprised. "I don't remember you. What house were you in?” 

“Slytherin.” She smirked. 

“Oh, so you weren’t a prefect then?” 

“Perhaps I was.” 

Lily sneered. “You couldn’t be. Not if you were a fifth year in my first. Lucius Malfoy and Anita Benoit were the Slytherin prefects then. You weren’t Head Girl in your seventh year either. That was Arthur Coyle and Marie-Gilbert Deschamps.” 

Laurel frowned with a scoff. "How would you know who was Slytherin heads? You were not a Slytherin.” 

“No, but-” She paused and cleared her throat. “My best friend was. I remember.” 

Laurel scoffed again. “And what, am I supposed to believe you were the Head of your house?” 

"Actually yes." Lily grinned. "I was Head Girl until I left. Another girl took my place."

Laurel turned away from Lily and yanked open a drawer quite fiercely. She pointed down at the long pile of files. "These are all the past files. Once a person goes on a trip, we file them in here. You do that and I'll deal with the customers. Got it,” she said with the whites of her gums showing. 

Lily glanced up as the sound of the bell belted out its usual Toccata and Fugue melody and a young woman and man in velvety robes entered. The man took the woman's jacket and Laurel’s Jekyll side emerged with a horribly fake smile that did not reach her eyes and a cheery disposition.

"Welcome to Terror Tours. How may I assist you today?"

Lily had to fight an eye roll and continued to sort the files.

The woman had long, silky blonde hair with a light wave to it. She was tall and thin, but her eyes were not as beautiful as the rest of her. In an ordinary person they would be striking, but hers held a bitterness like the residue in a molasses jar.

"We're looking for a tour of Romania's castles. Only want the best. First class spots on the tour of course and a suite. Largest one available."

Laurel nodded and Lily found the drawer of files slamming on her fingers before she could stop it. When she had removed her now pulsating fingers from the drawer, Laurel snapped in a whisper.

"Write this down." Laurel laughed uneasily as she glanced at the couple. "New employee. She's rather clueless."

Lily shot a venomous look worthy of Severus at Laurel and turned to the couple waiting. "When would you like to take your trip, Ms?"

"Drusilla. Drusilla Renoir. This is my husband Josef."

Lily grinned. "Can you spell that out? I don't want to make a mistake in your names."

The woman let out a groan. "I know what you mean. So many people spell poor Josef's name wrong. J-o-s-e-f and Renoir is R-e-n-o-i-r. No middle name. D-r-u-s-i-l-l-a. Middle initial T."

Lily wrote that out. "Thanks. When do you want to book the trip, or do you wish to wait and go with a group tour when we get enough?"

"Alone. No groups. We don't want to travel with filthy mud-muggleborns." Josef corrected himself as Lily unintentionally cringed at the word that was coming. 

Lily frowned but refrained from comment. "So, when do you want to travel?"

Josef glared at her a moment. "We want to book the trip for the second of May in the afternoon. We'll be gone an entire week, come back May tenth."

Laurel yanked the quill out of Lily's hand. "They didn't tell me I'd be training a muggleborn." Laurel rolled her eyes. "Can you believe they hired a muggleborn to work here?"

The man and woman looked between Laurel and Lily. Lily was not even able to stammer out a single word before being shoved to the side. If it weren't for the chair, she would have fallen to the ground in the sudden scuffle.

"Do not worry, I'm a pureblood. Laurel Wilcox. Granddaughter of Thomas Wilcox."

The woman nodded. She was like the man's twin. "I know of the name."

"I'll take over from here and rewrite your list. Can't have muggleborns touching your stuff. Josef spelled J-o-s-e-f and Drusilla and Renoir R-e-n-o-i-r. You want to travel from May second to the tenth to Romania castles with the largest suite and complete service including personal house elves?"

The woman had stared at Lily to the point she had blushed and forced herself to look away. She was used to the sort of behaviour that came out of purebloods, but it was not less painful when she became mistreated for her birth. It was something beyond her control and she never understood the anger and disgust the purebloods showed to her.

"Thank you. Enjoy your trip." Laurel finally stated. The couple thanked her a little too loudly for not letting a mudblood handle their affairs.

Once they were gone, Laurel turned back into Hyde. "You have to know how to play the customers and your bias to status is a problem."

Lily sucked in air as she refused to get mad, but it wasn't easy.

The rest of the morning was a nightmare, to put it mildly with Laurel demanding submission to her requests, but Lily hated that game and wasn't going to bite. It was a long morning with a number of arguments and a few mumbled swear words under each other's breaths.

After lunch, Laurel avoided Lily entirely and refused to let Lily deal with a single customer at all. When it was finally time to close, saying she was relieved was an understatement.  
Coral came out as Lily swept the floor and Laurel polished the desk for the third time. "Well, you girls seemed to have done a rather great job keeping up the place today. I see we had several bookings or potential bookings anyway."

Lily forced a grin. Laurel wrinkled up her nose.

"So, how did the new employee do today?"

Laurel sneered. "Nothing. She did not help at all. She's rather useless as well. I had to do everything."

"Did you now? Useless? She seems rather helpful at the moment."

Laurel scoffed. "I made her."

Lily gripped the broom tight in her hands, grumbling to herself as she swept the floor.

"Honestly, I'd just fire her."

Coral's eyes grew wide for a moment as did Lily's. "Oh, no, dear. I think she's got lots of potential to be a great employee. Heard lots of good things about her. Give her a chance."

Laurel glowered at Lily before turning back to Coral. Lily pretended to not notice while she swept the last of corner.

"Coral, I'm thinking she should work with you in the back. That girl is not-she can't relate to customers at all. She ignores them."

"Don't be ridiculous. I know you are great at customer relations, but surely you want a better job than that. Being co-manager is an important job unless you don't want it?"

"Oh, no." Laurel answered quickly. "No, I do. I want it, but I prefer to work mostly up front. That girl can't do this job at all."

Lily set the broom to the side. "Lily. Her name is Lily, not that girl. And actually, let Laurel stay up front. I'd rather organize in the back."

Coral glanced between them. "Are you sure? You seemed to get along well with most people."

Lily nodded. "I do. But really, only one person needs to be up front, so I'll go to the back and we can-you know-not be in each other's way."

Coral scratched her head. "Well, if you insist."

Lily nodded, avoiding Laurel's gaze. "I do. Really, it's no big deal."

The woman sighed. "Okay. Tomorrow I'll have you working up front though while Laurel-you'll be with me for co-management training. After lunch, Laurel, you'll be front, and Lily can work in the back organizing the items and shipments." She glanced at the clock. "Day's over. Go on home and I'll see you both in the morning."

Lily hurried out of the place. The job was nice, the pay was decent, her boss was a nice lady, but her co-worker was going to make it all a living hell.

**_0o0o0_ **

Severus grabbed his cloak from the coat rack by the front door.

"Where're you going?" His father slurred while slouched on the couch with the old fuzzy television blaring.

"Work." He slid the cloak on and propped up the collar.

"Work?" His father scoffed. "Who'd hire someone like you?"

Severus glared at his father for a moment. "Lots of people, actually. This is only temporary work."

"And whatdoya plan on doing after this so called temporary work?"

Severus opened the maroon front door with paint peeled off in various spots, which made a loud squeak as it came open. "Apprenticeship. Then a job."

"Apprenticeship? Doing what?"

"Potions probably."

"Trying to support that cute little red-headed girl up on the other side of tracks?"

Severus stopped halfway through the door and snapped his head back to his father. "What?"

"Don't play dumb now. I ain't stupid. You always had a crush on that girl, even when you were young. Used to watch her play, but wouldn't talk to her. Smart, actually. She's too pretty. Wouldn't take someone like you. Plenty of young boys after her. You're just another loser from the wrong side of the tracks." Tobias took a swig of his bottle. "You're worthless to a pretty thing like that. Bitch like her ain't gonna bother with some unkempt weirdo living inna run-down sack-shack like this. They expect money and diamonds and things you'll never be able to give."

Severus clinched his fists. "Lily." He spoke in a hiss through clenched teeth.

"What'd ya say?"

"Lily. Her name is Lily and you know nothing about her and never call her a bitch again!"

His father's eyebrow rose toward him and then a smirk appeared on the side of his lips before he let out a loud belly laugh. "Still think you've got a chance with her. Still have that crush on her, do ya?"

"She's my girlfriend!" Severus blurted out as he nearly broke the doorknob.

"You're delusional."

"Think whatever you damn well want, but don't take it out on me that your life sucks!" Severus slammed the door behind him and started up the road as he braced himself against the bitter winds that took his breath away.

The street was empty, everyone else smart enough to stay in and huddle near a warm stove. Turning the corner of an alley, he saw a black and white cat grooming its paw on top of a rubbish bag. He scoffed to himself as he apparated to an empty alley in London.

As he emerged from the corner of the alley, he found London was a vastly different story from his barren street as car horns blared and people scurried about in a mad rush. "Crazy muggles," he mumbled to himself, "going to get themselves stuck in the storm, bracing the cold without need. They're being stupid. Can't expect much from most muggles though."

He shook off the cold upon entering the pub and refused to make eye contact with anyone as he hastened to the entrance of Diagon Alley. The frigid wind picked up speed as he walked down the alley toward the apothecary. As he pulled his cloak tight to his body, he noticed an odd figure out of the corner of his eye. But as fast he noticed the shadow, it was gone. The frosty air prevented much time for thought since all he wanted to do was get somewhere warm.

A blast of warmth hit him as he entered the shop and he let out a sigh of relief as the chime rang out "Someone enters."

He barely had a chance to remove his cloak before a man with crooked yellow teeth and sunken eyes almost yellow like a cat's bore down on him. He twisted his neck slightly to take his eyes away from the man's glare and choked on his parched throat before he regained his composure. The man with filthy brown hair, greasier than his had ever been, stared icily. His breath reeked of garlic and cigarettes but did not make up for the foul odour emitted of someone who had not bathed in a long time. His stomach churned the oatmeal he'd consumed an hour earlier, and he tried to not breathe through his nose. 

While the room smelled bitter and reeked of spices, it was not currently unpleasant while the man himself nauseated him. "Who are you?" Severus asked, turning his head away slightly to catch his breath. 

"Who are you?" His yellowing eyes narrowed on Severus.

Severus frowned and stepped aside. "I asked you first."

"Not a way to speak to a superior."

"I know you don't own this shop. I'm here to speak to the owner."

The man smirked. Before he could answer, a door opened in the back and a strong voice called out. "Who's here?" 

Severus glanced around the desk but saw no one and raised an eyebrow of confusion.

"Who entered my shop?"

The door chime hummed. "Someone still in, something gone out."

Severus turned to the door quickly only to find the man was nowhere to be seen.

"Who's in my shop?" The voice rang out again.

Severus cleared his throat quietly. "I am."

A slight scuff of shoes came closer and a scuffle occurred behind the counter before a woman appeared over the desk on the other side. He was a bit shocked to say the least since the voice had been rather gruff.

"You must be Severus. We've been expecting you." She coughed. "Pardon me, fighting off the last of a nasty cold. It's that time of the year." She sniffed and pulled out a handkerchief. "So, we've been expecting you. Received your NEWT results yesterday and we are proud to offer you an apprenticeship to become a potioneer should you wish to take it of course."

Severus shook his head. "What?"

She smiled. "We're offering you an apprenticeship to become a potioneer. It'll be a two-year extension to become an actual potioneer, but you'll be paid to do the apprenticeship along with helping around the shop as well. Work four days a week, starts at eight and ends at four and then we clean up shop. You'll work Monday and Tuesday, off Wednesday and work Thursday and Friday. Have the weekend off and we'll pay you two galleons an hour."

Severus laughed in surprise. "Two-two galleons? An hour? That-that's-I mean-that'll be fine." He caught his words quickly and suppressed his elation at such a high sum.  
The woman's dark russet eyes blinked once at him before a grin formed her lips. "Work hard and you can easily raise it some knuts, even another galleon or two. Can't cheat one of the best, can I?"

Severus glared at her. "Me? I'm not the best."

She waved off the remark. "Don't be modest now, I saw your scores. Good words from Professors at Hogwarts about you and your studies. Especially from Professor McGonagall. She wasn't my head since I was in Ravenclaw many years ago, but just the same I liked her."

Severus clenched his dropped jaw back. "Wh-you mean Professor Slughorn?"

"No, dear. I mean Minerva, Professor McGonagall, head of Gryffindor."

He shook his head. "No-it-she doesn't like me."

"Nonsense, she had nothing but wonderful things to say about you. Said you always showed up for class, did all your homework, went above and beyond what she asked you to do, and said you were one of her best students, one of the smartest in the school."

"No, I'm not the best. I mean Lily is too.” He paused. “I mean-others-they are good too.” He cleared his throat. 

The woman raised an eyebrow. "Lily? That name was mentioned in discussion about you. Can't think of her surname though. Mentioned her you and her as the best though. Mostly that Lily had lots of good things to say about you as her classmate."

"Evans. Lily Evans."

"That was it. You know her then?"

"She's my-she's my friend." Severus again cleared his throat and glanced down at the tile on the floor. 

"Is she now? More than friend to you, I see."

Suddenly the temperature in the room seemed to go and rise up against his neck and cheeks. "She might be."

"So you have a special lady after all. Doubt she could resist such brilliance as yours. We all need an equal."

Severus wanted to scoff. Him equal to Lily? That was a joke. They'd never be equal in his mind. She was a thousand times better than he could ever be as a person, and why such a talented, beautiful and brilliant soul like her picked him he would never know.

"Well, come along now. Time to get you familiar with how things work around here. As a reminder I'm Jenna Croxley and I'm the owner of this apothecary. Been in business for 200 years and passed down to me."

Severus watched her disappear behind the desk.

"Follow me." The desk parted at the side like saloon doors.

Severus hesitated just a second before going in the back and was taken aback to see the woman was very, well, short. Not like a goblin short either. Her gait was swayed as her legs were abnormally short for an adult. Oddly enough to him, above her torso looked like a normal woman. It was not typical for wizards and witches to have dwarfism. 

"Come along. I walk a little slow. Not really any spells to help those with my condition. Half-blood and developed a genetic muggle condition called achondroplasia. Means I'm a dwarf.” She took out her wand. “Though get mistaken for a half goblin quite a bit if I do say so. Messes with my joints-lots of pressure on the legs and feet to have super short legs and a normal upper body." She opened a thick chocolate coloured wooden door. "Need a tall, thin man like you around to reach high places." She glanced him over and made him tug at his collar a little. "Though you could certainly stand to gain a couple stones. They not feed you at Hogwarts anymore?" She winked.

"Uh-yeah. Just thin."

She chuckled. "Only messing with you, dear. Let's get you familiar with the place and then get you started on some potions to see if you live up to your name."

Severus nearly jumped when the door slammed closed behind them and loud screech of an owl rang out. Lights emitted the room, but not before he found himself face to face with a stuffed miniature dragon. He shook his head and scoffed to himself. "How do you have my NEWT results? I don't even have them yet."

"You will. Probably in the next few days. Send it to us first as employers." She cleared her throat. "This is the storage room. All the completed potions are put in here and all are sorted according to ailment and in alphabetical order. Come along."

He shook himself out of his shock and continued forward behind the woman. She tapped it a couple times. "You'll learn the spell to get in later." She went through the arched dark oak door and he followed with a huff to himself. "This is where the magic happens."

Cauldrons fizzled and bubbled in the centre of the room. A woman around his mother's age had her brunette locks in a netted bun as she stirred a hot cauldron while a man in his early 60s with thick-rimmed glasses and a shaved head glared up at him from his bubbling cauldron. Molasses coloured shelving lined the walls with numerous ingredients at disposal on one side and shelves of books and posters lined the other. Order forms hung on the back wall and cleaning supplies filled the front wall.

"Jen hired a young one this time, Fran. Looks barely outta school this one."

Severus scoffed to himself. "I guarantee I can create more useful potions on my first day than you have in your whole life." Then he paused. May not be actually true, but he didn’t like being degraded. 

Jenna waved him off. "Nonsense, Orville. This one got rave reviews from his professors. I see him as an asset to our shop and so should you. Besides, we need some young ones around. You're retiring soon after all."

He grumbled. "Who says I was retiring?"

"You did. More than once. He's not the only younger one around here. Mind your tongue now and be respectful."

Orville mumbled to himself and put a rat tail in his potion.

"So, you've met Orville and Frannie. They're working today. We have about a dozen people, including you now, working in this shop at different times. Had one call in ill today, but usually have three or four of you here at a time in shifts." With a flick of her wand a cabinet opened to numerous items, some he could only have dreamed of using before today. Pure silver and gold instruments flourished the shelves and he barely got a glimpse before another door flew open beside of them.

"All the stores of ingredients are in here. It smells a little, but it's how we keep some of the ingredients fresh. A bit chilly as well. Have to keep it sanitary, don't we?" She shut the doors with a flick of her wand and smiled at him. "I think you'll be fine here. Just like in school, but this time you get paid for it. No grades or exams either." She winked his direction. "Now, let's get you started on some simple potions now, shall we?"

Severus sighed to himself, but grinned. Getting paid to make some potions should be a cinch. Two galleons for the hour were beyond what he ever dreamed of getting for this job. He had to stop a smile from forming on his lips. He glanced over at the cauldron table and saw the man and woman glance away when caught looking his direction. Well...maybe it would easy if they didn't make trouble for him.


End file.
